Never been to confession before


Hi I’m a catholic. I was baptized in the catholic church however I’ve never been to first communion or confession. My church is doing a huge confession event today and was wondering if I’m allowed to do it or do I have to do a type of “first confession” thing?


I would suggest giving the Church a call and talk with a Priest. Also remember when you do make your first confession - you need to understand what confession is of course, examine your conscience and confess any and all mortal sins in number and kind (murder 3x, adultery 2x, missing mass -not sure how many times but only went a few x in the last 2 years (if one does not know the number for a mortal sin one can approximate according to what one knows…many times, few times, around 5x)).

Not sure what one would do in your situation. But certainly some instruction is in order and it can take a bit of time to make a first confession. But your Priest can guide you about going and then help you to -just tell him your situation.

Even if you could go as you ask – likely be best for you to go over privately for a meeting. A Penance service where there are lots of people may not be the best time to do such even if one can. Just give a call (but prepare first) and go see the Priest. (rather detailed from Catechism - it may be too detailed for you at the moment -but I do not know your background)

I am not discouraging you from confession of course! So give your Pastor a call he can guide you!

(tell him too about not yet receiving Holy Communion – one would need instruction etc)

In Jesus of Nazareth (and thus in his Sacraments) is true life! He loves you.


Murder 3x? Had to start with murder? :rolleyes:


How old are you?


I’m 26 almost 27


And also then talk with him about confirmation…

(in any case you are going to need to talk with your Priest there)


oh yeah do I need to do confirmation first before confession?


No, but it would be prudent to speak with your priest before just going to your first confession. I would also pursue getting your first communion and confirmation so talking with your priest would be the way to go.


Why have you never been confirmed or been to Confession before?


You can just go to a penance service; your ‘first Confession’ is your first Confession. Find materials (the Catechism’s instructions on the 10 Commandments might help) to help you prepare, and devote time to a good overview of your past life (just whatever you can remember - if you forget stuff, that is forgiven too, but you should mention it in later Confessions).

However you might really benefit from scheduling an appointment with a priest and explaining that this is something that you’ve never done before; he may be able to help you prepare better than you could on your own.

My first Confession was at an Advent penance service. I was encouraged to go by the RCIA director because my Confirmation would be the first week of January. I think I did okay, and I was prepared to the best of my knowledge, but it would have been a lot easier on my nerves if I’d just made an appointment with a priest who could help introduce me to the structure. As it was, I had to wait in line for an hour and a half, and by the time I met with a priest I didn’t know (and face to face, too - I’d been expecting a screen), I was so frazzled that I couldn’t even read half the things on my list and I cried for two days because I thought I’d ruined everything. :rolleyes:


well its a long story. My mom is a catholic from the Philippines and my dad is a southern Baptist from Kentucky. They met when my dad was stationed over there in the air force. my dad agreed that my mom could raise us as Catholics so shortly after I was born my mom had me and all my brothers at the time baptized. Shortly after that we got stationed in Guam and my little brother was born. My mom had my little brother baptized while my oldest brother had his first communion there. Before she could get me to that stage we got stationed again to south Dakota. My mom and dad were getting into arguments. One of them revolving how my dad seemed to treet her more as a maid rather than a wife so my mom took a job working the night shift. This went on for more than a decade. She didn’t have much time to continue with our progressing in the church as she was always sleeping in the day. Also her and my dad also went through a bad divorce. Having not been to church in so long I really didn’t know much about it. I knew about Christmas, Easter, and I knew we didn’t eat meat on good Friday that was about it. After I graduated high school I went on a search spiritually that brought me to many faiths but I felt that they were all missing something. I then fell in love with a girl from the Philippines who ofcorse is Catholic. I brought her to the US and married (in the court so that she could stay here) her and she has been bringing me back to the catholic church where I realized this is what is missing from all those other denominations.


Wow - thank you for sharing!


I assume that the Marriage is now been in the Catholic Church? That is an important factor here…


Yes, you must get your marriage blessed in the Catholic Church before you go to confession. Or you could abstain from sexual relations until you do get it validated in the Church if you want to go to confession as soon as possible.


Talk to your priest or RCIA director about how to prepare to complete your sacraments of initiation. They’ll help you prepare for and celebrate reconciliation, confirmation, and the Eucharist. They’ll also help you bring your marriage into the Church. Celebrating these sacraments is a major event, so take advantage of it!


Perhaps it would even be a helpful thing to go through the RCIA process that converts do since you didn’t really get a lot of Catholic education growing up. It could really help both you and your wife grow in your faith. When my husband went through RCIA I went to all the classes with him just because it was great to have a refresher on everything and I learned so much more.


And RCIA (in the US) has the rites for those who were baptized Catholic but didn’t receive their other sacraments of initiation. It’s also a great way to meet people and be part of a group that is all moving in the same direction through an important part of their lives


oh I thought I would need a whole new wedding in the church. Had no idea our old wedding could be blessed. We do plan to have a Catholic wedding in the Philippines so her family can attend


Right now the Catholic Church does not consider your marriage valid because you are both Catholics who got married outside the Church and you are therefore living in sin. The way to amend this is to get your marriage blessed as soon as possible. Many priests do not even allow couples who have been married outside the Church to have “real” big weddings. Just a small ceremony with some witnesses that would be called a validation or a blessing ceremony (this is what my husband and I had). If you go to confession and confess that you have had marital relations outside of wedlock you must not engage in relations again until after your marriage is blessed. Or you can get your marriage blessed first and then go to confession, get your first communion, etc. Either way never receive communion when you are in a state of mortal sin. I would HIGHLY recommend going to see your priest about this. He can put you guys on the right track to get everything figured out with your marriage, confession, etc.


oh yes ma’am, I have not been taking communion.

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