Never dated.

I’m 20 years old, female, and have never dated or kissed anyone. Nor had I sex. It’s something I have mixed feelings about. For myself, I feel no shame, but when other people demand whether I have ever been with someone else, I feel the compulsion to lie. This is now getting worse as my friends begin to get steady boyfriends. And to be perfectly honest, THIS is the first time I have ever admitted it.I don’t think I have a vocation. At least, not at the moment.

I did watch porn from time to time. It wasn’t an addiction, and I praise God for that. But I feel as if I’m now ‘unclean’. But is it weird that I have never dated? I feel it is, and while I don’t like talking to other people about it, I’m still very happy with where I am at the moment.

If you don’t want to date and your happy with where you’re at, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Among young men, I think it’s not at all uncommon to 1) not have dated and 2) to have a huge porn habit. There’s no necessary link between dating and pornography.

It’s certainly OK to feel happy where you are right now. Enjoy your life and make some new friends!

Well, there’s no rush. :nope:

I would encourage you to think more about what you are called to do in life and go from there. :thumbsup:

BTW, having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t always a worthy accomplishment. :stuck_out_tongue:

I was 23 before I had a girlfriend and was actually “dating” someone.

I’m now 47, happily married with children. :wink:

I know the discomfort you feel when your friends are moving on and you’re not. Maybe it was because I’m a guy, but friends never asked or talked much about it with me. It was Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

In your case, I think one course of action would be to be truthful. Just tell them you haven’t connected with anyone yet, that you’re not worried about it, and neither should they.

My daughter never had a date, nor did she feel called to do so, until she was 23. She didn’t want the distractions of a relationship while in college.

I would strongly recommend that you stay far afield of any type of porn though. Never healthy and so destructive.

I didn’t have my first kiss until I turned 25. As Catholics, we probably aren’t going to be the first to get dates, and kisses… and sex… especially sex… Sex is for marriage.

Except for the porn (:tsktsk:) you are doing just fine! The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, if you are not looking for one, not dating would be normal. Go to confession about the porn, and have a happy life. :smiley:


Porn is never a good idea. It perverts an person’s perspective and is such a horrible example of men and women losing their dignity. Think about those people…they are someone’s son and daughter! Don’t allow yourself to “condone” it by viewing it, ever.
Go to confession, and as Xantippe says…get new friends. :cool:

It’s hard to live in the modern world and to never come across something that qualifies as pornographic. It doesn’t sound like you’ve got an addiction problem, but if you continue to feel unclean or soiled by your exposure to sexually explicit material, talk to a confessor. You don’t need to carry that around with you.

Isn’t it strange, how the world can twist devotion to something good and make us feel embarrassed by it? It sounds like you have made wise decisions about relationships, and aren’t really interested in typical dating rituals, which is great. While it may seem like many of your friends are having a great time exploring their sexual boundaries, you have chosen not to connect romantically with other people because it does not interest you. If your friends are asking about your romantic history, you can say something like, “When I find a man worth dating, I’ll let him know.” Lying about your past (or lack thereof) will only get more and more complicated as your lies become more and more elaborate.

Ιt’s easier said than done, but don’t let your friends (male or female) pressure you into physical relationships, especially not if your goal is simply to cross “My First Kiss” off the list. It will happen when it happens.

I’d be a bit worried that the Porn may have given you a distorted concept of sex and dating. No way I can know this to be true, but you need to confess it and put a lot of prayer into purging the effects of this out of your mind, heart and soul. With some, porn can affect them in much more subtle ways, but obvious ways in others. Still, the cure is the same confession, prayer, and fasting as a minimum, but professional help is often called for and far too rarely sought.

There is nothing wrong in not dating or having not shared a kiss as long as you are not avoiding them for the wrong reasons.

Although I had male friends, I rarely dated until I met my husband. Although I met one or two young men I would have dated, things never worked out. I was not attracted to the guys who asked me out, so I didn’t want to waste their time and mine.

That being said, I remember feeling a lot of pressure to go out. My friends were dating, getting married, even having children. I was simply getting older, alone.

Finally, I relocated. Meeting new people with common interests helped, as well as having a variety of male and female friends. My husband was among the new people I met, though we didn’t date for quite some time.

You are young. Explore your interests, cultivate your friendships. Spend time with people who build you up. Find something to be passionate about.

There is nothing good about porn. As some have suggested, go to Confession and let it go.

This comment has me confused. I mean, you’re a fellow radfeminist and anti-male activist, but you’re also being quite oppressive of female sexuality. Women experience the benefits of pornography just as often as men do (though they don’t as often report it, due to sexist/misogynist oppression, such as the kind displayed by you above). I expect also a clarification that male cis-scum should not be enjoying pornography. Based on your previous comments I know you feel that way, but not everyone has the benefit of realizing it.

It’s certainly OK to feel happy where you are right now. Enjoy your life and make some new friends!

This is absolutely true! Forget about marriage and just enjoy life.

ETA: I just want to encourage you in your worthy goal of cis-male-hatred - contrary to Catholicism, cis-male-hatred is the proper way to deal with female oppression, and to finally express the feminine genius. If you struggle towards it, you will be a bright beacon of equality in this ugly dungeon of oppression. I know you have what it takes. :thumbsup:


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit