New Friendships


#1

I need help making new friends. I either forgot how to or I don’t have the time. All of my friends from the past are now just acquaintances mainly due to distance, motherhood and having nothing in common anymore. I find it hard to hold a friendship together with a person who is opposite of me, and it’s easier to find a pro-abortion homosexualists than it is to find a Catholic christian who takes God seriously, atleast in my age range (25). The ones I do find, are generally college students and not mothers, so we have totally different priorities and schedules. I’ve tried making new friends at RCIA but I seem to get along best with people that could be my grandmothers. I’ve had the younger folks get together and go to lunch after RCIA several times but it just seems that something is missing. I feel like I just forgot how to make friends. I feel very very lonely. This has become more obvious to me because I’m planning my wedding for this June and I don’t have anyone that I’m close to to include in my bridal party. I have two cousins that will be participating, one which I’m not close to at all really, and the other who I love dearly but we’re very very different people and more like sisters than friends. I am blessed with a wonderful mother, daughter and fiance, so I shouldn’t complain. But I feel very depressed. Please advice.


#2

What about meeting parents through activities your child may be in?
What about meeting women/couples through an organization or hobby that interests you and your fiance?
Maybe through volunteer work?

Anyway… there are plenty of outlets to meet new people. A friendship won’t form overnight, but you’ll get to know new people and figure out who has similar likes, values, etc and then you can suggest hanging out with them to get to know them more. Just be friendly and welcoming.

I don’t think you should limit yourself to Catholics or try to find people with the exact same views as yours. I don’t see why you can’t have a successful friendship with someone who feels differently about politics, is of a different religion, etc. You don’t need to ever discuss these topics. As long as the person is nice, considerate and conducts themselves with integrity there shouldn’t be an issue. Once you start mixing ‘hot topics’ into making friends, it has a tendency to drive others away.


#3

I can't help but mix them...those things are so important to me. And like I said in the original post, part of is that I feel like I've forgotten. The other part is that I don't have much time. It seems that everything that goes on socially that I might like to particpate in happens on weekday evenings in this area. I work every weekday evening. :-( (That's a whole different conversation on how depressing it is not to see my daughter as regularly as I'd like).


#4

As mom always said, “In order to have friends, you need to BE a friend.” People are always looking for help. Help someone out.

If you identify well with older people, you might consider trying to find an older person who has a deep knowledge of the Fatih and start a book club with younger, married couples around your age, with the older person as moderator. Leo Trese’s “The Faith Explained” really helped me with all the whys and answers in laymans’ terms. I’ll bump a thread for you in the “Evangelization” section.

As far as jobs, you should strongly consider getting a day job since a child is a high priority.

My two cents, fwiw. Hope it helps!


#5

I used to find it hard to have friendships as well.

Try your hardest to put on a happy face, even if your miserable inside. It's very simple why-people like being around other happy people. I understand completely when my buddies get down-it's a common thing, but being constantly pessimistic, cynical, and gloomy makes for a miserable person that no one likes to be around.

If your clinically, medically depressed, take medicine, but do not acquiesce to it and say, "Well, being depressed gives me a license to act like a downer".

Join a club, start up a church group, go out and meet people, have faith in yourself, and most importantly, smile and act like a friendly, decent person.


#6

Whereabouts are you, OP?

Most urban areas have plenty of other Catholic groups besides RCIA. There are service-oriented groups, prayer groups, bible study groups, and many other kinds I can't think of at the moment. I hope this helps!


#7

Most of my "new" friendships have come about thanks to my kids! :)

Find a moms group or become active in your child's school!


#8

How old is your daughter? What do you do in the morning hours (since you work evenings)? Where is your daughter during the morning hours?

really need answers to these to help out . …


#9

To answer questions...

In the morning hours my daughter is at school, I take care of things that need to be taken care of at home or on the road.

I can't find another (early) job. Believe me I've tried.

Since I work evenings, all those "group" activities are almost impossible to participate in. Everything I look into is in the evenings.


#10

[quote="D0UBTFIRE, post:9, topic:189350"]
To answer questions...

In the morning hours my daughter is at school, I take care of things that need to be taken care of at home or on the road.

I can't find another (early) job. Believe me I've tried.

Since I work evenings, all those "group" activities are almost impossible to participate in. Everything I look into is in the evenings.

[/quote]

What about volunteering just once a week during your morning hours? At the school or with some parish activity? Call your parish office and see if there are any options?
What about teaching (or co-teaching) Sunday School? You can connect with a lot of other parents that way!

Good luck... I do sympathize, working full time myself...


#11

[quote="D0UBTFIRE, post:9, topic:189350"]
To answer questions...

In the morning hours my daughter is at school, I take care of things that need to be taken care of at home or on the road.

I can't find another (early) job. Believe me I've tried.

Since I work evenings, all those "group" activities are almost impossible to participate in. Everything I look into is in the evenings.

[/quote]

As long as the priority of love comes ahead of stuff, whatcha gonna do.


#12

[quote="D0UBTFIRE, post:1, topic:189350"]
I need help making new friends. I either forgot how to or I don't have the time. All of my friends from the past are now just acquaintances mainly due to distance, motherhood and having nothing in common anymore. I find it hard to hold a friendship together with a person who is opposite of me, and it's easier to find a pro-abortion homosexualists than it is to find a Catholic christian who takes God seriously, atleast in my age range (25). The ones I do find, are generally college students and not mothers, so we have totally different priorities and schedules. I've tried making new friends at RCIA but I seem to get along best with people that could be my grandmothers. I've had the younger folks get together and go to lunch after RCIA several times but it just seems that something is missing. I feel like I just forgot how to make friends. I feel very very lonely. This has become more obvious to me because I'm planning my wedding for this June and I don't have anyone that I'm close to to include in my bridal party. I have two cousins that will be participating, one which I'm not close to at all really, and the other who I love dearly but we're very very different people and more like sisters than friends. I am blessed with a wonderful mother, daughter and fiance, so I shouldn't complain. But I feel very depressed. Please advice.

[/quote]

i have had problems making friends as well.. what i realised is that, no matter how much i want to have a friend, it is developed very slowly.. now i have like 4 friends whom i can call close to me, who know a lot about me and who will always pick up the phone when i call.. go slow.. once you find someone talk to them, be happy and upbeat and try to listen more than talk, slowly they will get interested in asking about u too.. also out of the 4, my best friend is not a christian, both she and me have learned not to be judgemental about each other and just speak our minds.. we try to gently guide each other and have both grown a lot out of our insecurities.. hope this helps! :)


#13

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