New here - frustrated over family - need advice


#1

Hello,

I am new on here and a friend from church told me this might be a good place to get good, honest, friendly advice. I have been having a lot of problems letting go of anger and frustrations over some things that have been going on in my family for awhile now. Does anybody have any advice or thoughts?

If you can help, thanks!


#2

Could you explain a little more about yourself and about your family frustrations? Like what is your role in the family (son, husband, wife) and what has been going on. :thumbsup:


#3

They make meds that help with this.


#4

One word of advice… “Pray”… Pray for patients, pray for letting go, pray for family members… Pray often.

My family and I will be praying for you too…

God bless


#5

Sorry - I need advice about how to deal with the anger and frustration. I don't feel right talking about specifics. I just have a lot of pent up anger and frustration that I don't know what to do with. I don't know about medications, I don't know if I want to go that way. I do pray but it only helps for a while. I appreciate the advice - any other suggestions?


#6

[quote="Myqyl, post:4, topic:205152"]
One word of advice... "Pray"... Pray for patients, pray for letting go, pray for family members... Pray often.

My family and I will be praying for you too...

God bless

[/quote]

Praying for you and your family too. (I am listening to the Divine Mercy Chaplet right now---I am offering your intentions. :) )

Hope things get better for you.


#7

[quote="misskitty, post:5, topic:205152"]
Sorry - I need advice about how to deal with the anger and frustration. I don't feel right talking about specifics. I just have a lot of pent up anger and frustration that I don't know what to do with. I don't know about medications, I don't know if I want to go that way. I do pray but it only helps for a while. I appreciate the advice - any other suggestions?

[/quote]

I have had problems with this too.

Best thing to do is to separate yourself...take a walk by yourself (and pray...please keep that up.)

And a bubble bath will help too. :)


#8

without spefics it's hard to help. If you are angry because your brother broke your toys growing up then you may really just need to make a choice to let it go. If you're angry because someone seriously physically or emotinally hurt you you may need to get away and get time to heal in order to take care of the anger.

Anger, depression, etc. are hardly ever the problem, but rather a symptom. And treating symptoms will never help in the long run.

About meds, they don't often help much with situational anger or depression. If you're depressed becuase you're in poverty and your kid is sick meds won't help much. If you're depressed because you need emotinal healing or becuase the chemicals in your brain are just wacky and you're life is ok then meds can be amazing and help you reach a really good place.


#9

[quote="misskitty, post:1, topic:205152"]
Hello,

I am new on here and a friend from church told me this might be a good place to get good, honest, friendly advice. I have been having a lot of problems letting go of anger and frustrations over some things that have been going on in my family for awhile now. Does anybody have any advice or thoughts?

If you can help, thanks!

[/quote]

learn to forgive
that word does not mean condoning bad behavior, enabling an abusive situation, making excuses, being co-dependent, or being a doormat
it means refusing to give control over your own emotions and reactions to another person.

you cannot change the family member, and the longer the situation has existed, the less likely it is to change.
you can change only yourself. this takes prayer, and most of all a spirituality that turns it all over to Christ and joins him on the Cross.


#10

A suggestion...listen to Jeff Cavin's CD "The Hidden Power of Forgiveness". It is a great CD and helps us to realize how anger and unforgiveness traps us even though we were the one who was wronged. I hope it helps:)


#11

Hi there.

Sorry to hear that you are being so affected by these issues. Suffering can be a very lonely experience.

Since you do not wish to divulge what the specifics are, I can only think of something that helped my husband. He was continually angry and we couldn't quite understand why when we were affected by the same thing he was so angry and, although annoyed at first, I did not carry my anger around. So we started to discuss it and the apparent difference was that I forgive people. Some people find it easier than others. My husband finds it very difficult (even with me!!). I think about whether the person is sorry for what they've done / if they would be sorry if they understood the consequences of their words/behaviour /if they are ignorant of what is happening and therefore lacking culpability. My husband had great difficulty applying this from my advice. So I bought him a book. I found it on the internet just by searching for some good books on the art of forgiveness and this seems to have had a great effect on his angry/upset state of mind. Soemthing he said that really hit home was when the author said "The only person it really hurts when you do not forgive is you." And it is very true.

I hope that this might give you one idea for a practical pointer, and I wish you luck and strength in resolving your issues. I'll remember you this evening.

T.x


#12

[quote="mskejj, post:10, topic:205152"]
A suggestion...listen to Jeff Cavin's CD "The Hidden Power of Forgiveness". It is a great CD and helps us to realize how anger and unforgiveness traps us even though we were the one who was wronged. I hope it helps:)

[/quote]

I really have to second this advice. I have heard his presentation in person, on which this CD is based, and it is simply wonderful and helped me enormously at that point in my life when I just realized you can't divorce your family.


#13

Misskitty: I will also pray for you and your family. Nothing calms me better than prayer, and I try to do it frequently during the day - while at work, driving, at the store, where ever I happen to be.

Anger and frustration is hard to deal with and please remember that you want to offer up anything like that -- it does no good to you (or your family) to hold on to all that negativity. Sometimes I spend a lot of time alone in the yard yanking weeds and praying under my breath. (My flower beds look GREAT on frustrating weeks!)

Seriously, try to pray as much as possible. I will be praying too! God Bless and good luck.


#14

[quote="puzzleannie, post:12, topic:205152"]
when I just realized you can't divorce your family.

[/quote]

How I wish some days. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


#15

Thank you all, I will look into the CDs. You're right, you can't divorce your family. My anger and frustration stems from a situation that is ongoing that I want to fix, but can't control. It's about thinking I can make things "all better" for someone when they don't want it or need it. I just don't do well with conflict and disagreement, and I think that I should fix everybody's problems. My friends at church suggested I come on here to see if any of you have any ideas. It's hard at church when everybody knows everybody else's business and it's uncomfortable.They want to help, but as they are close to the situation as well, they don't know what they can do. Does this make sense? Well, thank you for listening and caring about what I have to say.


#16

You're right, you can't divorce your family. I will look into the CD's - they sound like just what I need. My problem comes from an ongoing situation that I want to "fix" but I can't control. I just don't do well with conflict and disagreement and I feel as if I have to make everything okay again. It becomes a problem when the person or situation you want to "fix" doesn't want it or appreciate it. It's just hard watching others make what you feel are mistakes and you want to jump in and tell them what to do - but you know they have to live their own lives and make their own choices. I just feel so helpless and yet so nuts for feeling as if I have to be the one to get in the middle of everything to keep it calm and peaceful. I know this is probably not making much sense to you all, but it makes me feel better to be able to come on here and tell somebody who won't judge me. It's hard at church because we are all so much together and know so much about eachother. That's why my friends suggested I come on here. I think it's great that you have a place here to talk and ask questions like this. Thanks for listening - reading.


#17

[quote="purplesunshine, post:8, topic:205152"]
without spefics it's hard to help.

[/quote]

I have to respectfully disagree here... We can all pray that God guide and strengthen him/her... I don't need to know anything more than they are hurting... Is there anything any of us could ever do that's more helpful than prayer?

Of course since the OP asked for "advice", then you're right... Hard to give advice without knowing the problem... Unless of course the advice is "Pray" :)

God bless


#18

I have a close family member who has a habit of "holding on" to things, holding a grudge, and finding fault in people who she is holding a grudge against. (In other words, once you have done something to offend her, everything you do offends her).

I have watched family and friend relationships implode on her over the years, and I have to say -- the person who has suffered the most is HER.

Try to think of this -- that the person suffering the most from your resentments and anger is YOU. And really, you need to take care of you! :)

Someone said to me once, "You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think if you realized how seldom they do."

Good luck and God Bless.

PS A nice low dose of an anti-anxiety med might help --it doesn't have to be heavy-duty meds. They have helped a lot of people I know tremendously!


#19

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