Saw this website and it looks so helpful, so I thought I would post here! I'm newly married (about a year and a half now) and we have a lot of problems that are causing me to doubt.
I wanted to specifically go to this site of Catholic members, since I've seen so many other forums "dedicated to marriage" that seem to suggest divorce or separation at any sign of trouble. I've also looked into marriage counseling and can't seem to find anyone in my area that offers it (well, we went to the only person who did, she was very wishy washy and said she is divorced.). I also don't feel comfortable talking to my mom, even though I know she will have sound advice, since I don't want to involve my parents in any way (so no one picks sides, etc). As a result, I've felt very lonely not being able to express my concerns or ask for help, besides discussing it to my husband, who is about as lost as I am on how to resolve these issues.
Now i want to start off and say that my husband is a caring, loving, respectful man who wants to lead a very good life and makes such an effort in helping our relationship and always providing for me. He is a gem amoung men and I remember when I first dated him after previous failed relationships, I felt like I had finally met a "man" and not a "boy". He is chivalrous, sensitive, fun and hilarious. I love him so much, so I feel guilty just stating these concerns out loud. He is committed to our vows and tells me he will never stray and will work on marriage always with me. He tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day, even when I'm in my sweats. :) Anyways, here goes...
Here are my main concerns:
We feel like roommates now. I know love isn't always about sparks but it worries me that we've lost alot of that in such a short time in marriage. Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel bored.
During the first few months of marriage, we really clashed (very opposite in nature) and would always get in very heated arguments. I would run away as a response (taking a walk or driving, many times considering driving to my parent's house)...I feel like that was a terrible way to start off a marriage and now I feel like my walls are up and I can't let go of the hurt.
We are very bad at arguing. We don't fight alot now, but when we do, one person blows up and yells, the other yells back, sometimes we act like we can't deal with each other anymore (once someone mentioned divorce), sometimes he talks down to me (example "why can't you do this one thing I asked you right?"), I storm off or leave the house and drive. He does admit to have a temper and he says he is going to work on it, but I also hold onto things and always want to be right in the end (comes from my mother, who is the same way).
We are opposites and it's hard to find common interests. I feel like we are growing apart and I'm so worried, since his parents grew apart for 20 years and just recently divorced. Part of me hears all the stories of "perfect couples" and buys it, even though I know that perfect is a fantasy, so when I think of how different we are, I sometimes doubt if we were the right fit for each other.
I really am worried about his temper, since he always tends to blow up. He also cuts people off in his family when he is continually disappointed in them (he is angry at his sister for relapsing again with alcohol, so he won't talk to her...this seems to be normal in his family, his dad also won't talk to her). I come from a family where everyone is accepted, no matter what, and family unity is the ultimate goal.
His mom cheated on his dad before the divorce and is still with the man she cheated with, so while he does visit his mom on her own, he never wants to meet this man, since he just can't respect someone who pursued a married woman. I understand his side, but I'm also worried that when we have children, it will become a difficult ordeal with having them visit their grandmother.
I think that about sums it up...Oh and if you can't already tell, I'm a chronic worrier! :P Thanks so much, just writing this all out is a bit of a relief!