[quote="AlisonGenevieve, post:1, topic:212429"]
When my husband and I got married in the Catholic church in January, we were both virgins and totally committed to a healthy, happy, Catholic marriage with regards to our sexual relationship. We read Holy Sex by Greg Popcak and what a GREAT read that was! I recommend that book to everyone, single, newlywed, been married for 40 years...
I've run into a snag, however, with our commitment to use Natural Family Planning to avoid pregnancy at this time. We do want to have children, but not for several years. The reasoning here is just like most newly-married couples. We just got married and are hoping to spend some time enjoying each other before we start adding to our family. We are both working in our first full-time jobs, getting used to our new lifestyle, and are simply not ready for a new baby. Just the thought of having a child at this time sends a wave of panic through me!
My cycles are extremely irregular (have been this way since high school and my docs have told me that it might be just the way my body is) and even for the few months when they are regular and we have sex, I'm so nervous about getting pregnant I'm not enjoying the activity. I'm just worrying about what might happen. Oftentimes when my husband and/or I are in the mood, I deny it because of my worry. You can tell me that NFP is 90+% effective, but I still think I am going to be in that 10%. I feel like this is almost worse than being on the pill sometimes, having to deny this holy activity (please, you gotta read the book...it's amazing) that we want to share together. I completely understand why the Church is opposed to the pill; it makes complete sense, but what about people like me who don't ovulate like clockwork and are nervous about NFP's effectiveness?
I am not looking for justification for going on the pill. I really don't want to take it because I don't support it for a number of reasons, including the ones Dr. Popcak outlines in his book. I would like someone who has had some experience in this area to give me some advice, help calm my fears... I appreciate any and all comments! :)
No offense, but I think the whole "we need time to enjoy each other first" thing is a myth. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy each other, but I don't think it is really necessary to "have your time" first the way people in our culture always yammer on about. :D
As a mom several times over, I can tell you, that children are as difficult as people say. BUT, they are such a blessing and the difficulty teaches you things about yourself and your partner that you simply can't know before you have them. Nothing makes a marriage as rich as children do.
I'll echo the other posters in saying that: if you're ready to be married (and you're healthy) then you're ready for kids.
There will never be a "perfect" time to have kids. If you do that, you'll succumb to the nirvana fallacy and never have them. Any house, car, job, bank account level can be lost tomorrow. Marriage is "in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer" and so is parenting.
We're converting to Catholicism, and I wasn't able to deter my husband from a vasectomy (because, frankly, we have very little support for our family size in our extended family--who are very secular by and large and don't agree with large families in general). THAT SAID, I've also been on birth control before--which failed. We've had birth control fail on us so many times that I wonder why we ever bothered. Antibiotics, eating habits, the wind blowing the wrong direction :p anything can goof up the pill. I have a sneaking suspicion that the vas will fail, too. Why? Because God knows better than I do. I was afraid to be the mom to 4 kids and now, I see that there's always room and it does work out.
I've had the pill, the shot, etc. It made me miserable. It was like having all the negative symptoms of being pregnant (nausea, bloating, weight gain, moodiness, etc) without any of the benefits (a baby). And on top of that, it didn't work, anyway. Some women have died from complications related to messing with hormones (it's rare, but it does happen).
Take what I say with a grain of salt, but as a mom, I can tell you, you'll never regret it. Trust God. I'm sure on my deathbed my regret will probably be NOT having MORE children not how much time I played before having them, what kind of career I had, or what kind of house I lived in or that big European vacation not coming about :thumbsup:
Good luck, and trust God. He'll never give you more than you can take. Don't be afraid.