NFP- a fertile wedding night story


#1

hi,

I’m asking for prayers and for a community of sorts. My fiance and I will be getting married in late May and are very committed to using NFP. I’ve had a somewhat sort of irregular cycle most of my life. And only recently, through the use of vitamins and supplements has my cycle become pretty healthy (Praise God!).

But because of the craziness of wedding planning and just recently realizing key things about my cycle (through NFP books and such) there is an almost 100 percent chance I’ll be fertile on our wedding night and for the few days after. I’ve been praying for God’s grace about this situation for a long time, and am coming to the realization unless He does something miraculous inside my body we’ll be fertile for almost the first week of marriage. I think I always had in the back of my mind, that “He’d work it out.” And I’m coming to grips with this is His plan, and even though it’s not what either of us want, He knows what He’s doing.

We actually booked our honeymoon five days after our wedding, just in case. So, I’m asking for prayers. We’re the only couple we know that is actively using NFP (my fiance is protestant, but VERY onboard with NFP) and all our friends are contracepting, and I feel so alone in this. I mean first, we wait to have sex (which half of our friends think is crazy- the other half did too), then we’re going to wait to actually have sex as man and wife because we are avoiding preg for the first year or year and half (for prayerful reasons) and it just feels crazy. We both know its God’s commandment- and I fully believe in His law for marriage, but it doesn’t mean we’re not heartbroken over the fact we won’t be able to enjoy each other fully on our wedding night and the next few days.

I’ve been poking around and saw some other people who’ve had similar situations and I could really use some stories of encouragement. I would love to hear if you guys prayerfully waited. I know we’re not alone, but sometimes it feels like we are. (By the way, I’m the one who’s really struggling with the frustration over it- my fiance, is at peace about it) He’s incredible and I’m so blessed to be marrying someone who truly puts God first…

Thank you so much!

Please do not write on here if you do not agree with NFP, of course you’re entitled to your own opinions, but I’m not looking for a debate, but encouragement. Thank you so much. I’ll have the energy for a debate another day :slight_smile:


#2

We use NFP and have been married for three years.

I know this may sound harsh but if you're going to be fertile and you don't want to conceive, will a few more days matter? Surely not if you've waited this long! The patience you will have to command will also be helpful during married life! xx


#3

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. There are many who were in the same position you are. There are several ladies on this forum who have honeymoon babies, including myself, and a few people who decided that their reasons for abstaining were grave enough.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage, and good luck in what ever you decide.


#4

Gods hand guides everythign have faith in him. you may not want to have child or think your unprepared but God knows whats best and has a plan for you. Remember he never gives us more then we can handle and that doesnt just mean temptation but caring for a family to. If God knows your ready for a child and are able to support one he will allow one to be born. If however he knows that you are not able to support one and will be better to have one at another time you will not have a child. Have faith in the Lord that when you are blessed with a child it is the time God has appointed for you before you were even created. This is ofcourse you dont try to stop it because of your own will. The saints gave up everything to follow God some of them were wealthy and poweful but gave it all up to follow God to wherver that would lead them to no matter the struggles and sufferings. They did not worry what they were to eat or how they were to manage but had faith in God that all needed would be provided to them. while you may not want a child yet or think your not ready Gods plan is your best bet at salvation leave it all up to him if a child comes he comes by the grace of God and while there may be hardships if it be the will of God it is whats best.


#5

Oh, heck. we got married at an eleven o’clock ceremony, had a wedding brunch, an afternoon worth of picture taking, and then the evening reception. We then caught a 1 AM plane for the Bahamas. By the time we got to the hotel on our wedding “night” (about 4:45 AM) all we had the energy to do was to change into night clothes and collapse into dreamland (and it wasn’t until a couple of nights later that I was not tired enough to fail to notice that my new husband SNORED like a semi truck downshifting!)

You’re probably going to be too tired from the day’s festivities to have much interest in sex that night anyways. Get used to that feeling, it’s good preparation for the early days of parenthood—LOL!


#6

We had the opposite problem on our wedding night - it was "day zero" so we had to wait three days to consummate our vows, as well. Oh, the stories you can never tell your grandchildren ... :rolleyes: :p

It was okay. We drank a lot of champagne, ate a lot of chocolate, and went hiking a lot. :)


#7

I know, if it were me, it would feel like I've ruined my "big day". We're born and raised with that wedding day "script" in our heads, and those of us who've saved ourselves for marriage have spent a lot of time reinforcing that script. First you go to the church, then you cry (and cry and cry... we're Irish), then you say the vows, then cry some more, then communion, then pictures and all the relatives are crying but you're starting to feel pretty good about it and plus you don't want to ruin the shot, then a great party, and everyone finally stops crying because there's free beer, then you sneak out to your plane while the party's still going, then you fly down to your destination, then he carries you over the threshold, and then you get to find out what all that fuss about sex was for. Then you find out he snores, then you go swimming the next morning, then you get sunburned and have your first fight because you're irritable, and so it goes.

To take the most exciting, mysterious, and (hopefully) entertaining aspect out of that special day just feels wrong. Yet there's no real reason you've got to have sex on the first night, except for the romance of it. From what I'm told, it's just as romantic if you wait a few days -- and is a lot less exhausted! On the other hand, if you just feel like you've got to do it that night, that might be a sign that you should do it and put the results in God's hands. He might not play things the way you expect, but He won't let you down.


#8

I would say be thankful that you are blessed with a man that supports you in your mutual decision to use NFP and focus on that. A good man is hard to come by.


#9

Hi...the wedding is still about 2 months away, with stress etc...I wouldn't bet on that 100%.

Each cycle is different. Even the most regular women aren't so around the wedding.

So don't worry about a problem you might not have yet.


#10

What is so bad about the possibility of conceiving on your wedding night (after all, is not the matrimonial bed traditionally sprinkled with hope of fertility)? What if God wants a child to born during your first year of marriage? I am not married (and am not exactly a female), but I would suggest that you wait a little while if you are not yet ready to have children, since consummation is meant to be unitive and potentially procreative. I am not trying to be cruel (and apologize if I come across as being so), but I always thought that for a married couple to give up something in order to focus on their spirituality meant to abstain from physical intimacy.


#11

maybe i wasn't clear... I'm just looking for encouragement, a community of people who have gone through this or possibly are going to. Making the decision to follow God's will can be tough sometimes, and having those around you who also stand up for God is such a great tool. My fiance have many great Christian couples, but do not have one couple that we know that is practicing NFP. We live in a large city, where strong Catholics are truly hard to find (a very lax archdiocese) we are both in a business that sees no value in God and seek to trust Him with everything...

Would love to hear some stories of those who chose to sacrifice for Christ and didn't go with the contraception crowd, especially if they were fertile those first few days of marriage. (Ones that avoided and ones that did not.) Through prayer and discussion, my fiance and I have decided to abstain if I am indeed fertile during this time. It is between God, me and him. We've sought counsel and believe it to be not only responsible, but also loving and self sacrificing. Our hearts are united in Christ on this decision. We are not using NFP as contraception, and will prayerfully come to God each month, but know that giving one's fertility, and body in sacrifice is a truly vulnerable thing, one that is between God, man and wife and to carelessly say things (that I'm sure come from a kind and holy place) could really hurt someone. It's very important to speak God's truth, but its also very important to do it with love, and compassion. Especially if that person has stated that he or she is looking for encouragement, not a debate.

I thank you for your honesty. I'm not looking to be "yes-ed" just truly in the presence of those who desire God's best! We are about to be a unit, and its nice to know there are other units around fighting for the common goal in EVERY aspect of their marriage.

And yes! I'm VERY grateful for my fiance. He loves God and truly cares and loves me. He's my partner in crime and best friend and I'm humbled with who God has blessed me with!


#12

i forgot to say thank you to all the people who wrote back sweet, encouraging and funny things!!!


#13

I am not married but I just wanted to give you some encouragement. You have already stated that you have prayerfully decided to wait a year for children so that is between you, your fiance and God.

There is no law that you have to consummate your marriage on your wedding night.
There is no law that you have to go on your honeymoon directly from your wedding, my uncle didn’t go on his until 3 days later.
Continue trusting in God and praying and things will work out as they should.
Congrats, although I think that is what you say to the groom I forgot what you say to the bride.


#14

I have wildly irregular cycles and our wedding night was during a very uncertain time where I could suddenly become fertile any day…

Needless to say we actually had very little sex during our honeymoon but the concept of just sharing a bed was so new it still felt romantic just cuddling each other to sleep. Plus we were in Disney World so there was plenty to do to wear ourselves out. :smiley:

A few months later we took a week long road trip to Georgia for the weekend just the two of us and “Phase 3” began the day we hit the road (a miracle really). It was definitely a second honeymoon for us.


#15

“Good luck.” :wink:


#16

Wow! that is a lot of planning to avoid…
We use NFP but something you said caught my eye. Something about God doing something miraculous inside your body… maybe you should think and pray about that statement. Perhaps God might want to start your marriage off with something truely miraculous, maybe that doesnt seem to fit with your plans.
My advice is to get married and bond with your husband.


#17

I’m in the same boat as you. I keep praying that I won’t be fertile on our wedding night/honeymoon. If I am, the whole romantic honeymoon is ruined. So if I am fertile, I will have to stay far away from my fiance. I’m thinking of putting up pictures of childbirth to keep me safe and discourage me. :slight_smile:

I jokingly told my fiance that if I’m fertile during that time, I’m becoming Protestant for the time being. If God knows what He is doing, He will make sure I don’t have kids for a VERY long time. I would be a horrible mother, but no one ever believes me.


#18

Reading threads like this about how people are willing to go so far out of their way to avoid having a child makes me really, really, really sad.

It's one thing if you and your husband were experiencing huge financial troubles, job loss, health issues, that stuff where it would be a grave reason to delay having a child. But it just sounds like you are really avoiding it like the plague.

A child should be a blessing. Not some disease to be avoided. Of course everyone should have children responsibly, and we as Catholics do not endorse the quiverfull movement. However- there are plenty of CAF woman who have had "honeymoon babies," and realize that God's timing is very messy to us, but perfect to Him.

I would also like to put it out there that sometimes threads like this make those of us who have fertility issues feel as if we are being smacked in the face. I wish I could get pregnant and have a child so easily and be more fertile than the spring fields but I am not, nor am I the only one. Please keep that in mind.


#19

Hey everyone - I don't mean to be rude - and I am sorry - but I think we need to be charitable - the OP did not state her reasons for TTP. So therefore we do not know if they are grave or not. We should be charitable and assume they are IMHO. I understand that can be frustrating to those with fertility issues - and I can only imagine the pain - and I will pray for you. God bless,


#20

[quote="spunjalebi, post:18, topic:234399"]
Reading threads like this about how people are willing to go so far out of their way to avoid having a child makes me really, really, really sad.

It's one thing if you and your husband were experiencing huge financial troubles, job loss, health issues, that stuff where it would be a grave reason to delay having a child. But it just sounds like you are really avoiding it like the plague.

[/quote]

Wow, and you have some mystical insight into their reasons, and can rule all those things out? No? Then let's not presume to know what we do not know.

A child should be a blessing. Not some disease to be avoided.

Where did she say anything remotely like that?

Of course everyone should have children responsibly, and we as Catholics do not endorse the quiverfull movement. However- there are plenty of CAF woman who have had "honeymoon babies," and realize that God's timing is very messy to us, but perfect to Him.

And there are also plenty of solid CAF women who have serious, licit reasons to avoid conception, but perhaps don't wish to sling them all over the forums. Maybe they're afraid of getting slammed... like this?

I would also like to put it out there that sometimes threads like this make those of us who have fertility issues feel as if we are being smacked in the face. I wish I could get pregnant and have a child so easily and be more fertile than the spring fields but I am not, nor am I the only one. Please keep that in mind.

With all due respect and compassion for your situation, there are very real problems on the other side of fertility as well. To ignore those can be just as callous and hurtful. Here she comes looking for support while trying her best to do the right thing, and she gets the finger wagged at her for presumed bad motives and insensitivity to the infertile couples.

Huh? What? And Really? Wow. :eek:

To the OP,

CONGRATULATIONS! I was also one of the gals on Day 0, so I can only relate in the sense that we had good reason to do other things on our honeymoon. ;) The wonderful thing is that the romance of finally being husband and wife is so overwhelming that even a kiss is incredibly meaningful. Walking down the beach and holding hands, as in the old cliche, was enough to make us glow. It didn't matter that we weren't in the bedroom all the time. We loved every minute anyway.

Bravo to you and your fiance for educating yourselves in the faith and choosing the path of obedience and openness to life. It sounds like you've done more actual prayerful discernment in this area than most, and I bet your marriage is going to be rock solid. Wishing you all the best! :thumbsup:


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