NFP and full time Working Moms

Hi.
I have scoured the internet for blogs that might help ease my heart in this situation and have found no one talking about Catholic full time working moms who work outside the home, are in their forties using NFP and leaving babies in daycare. It’s like they don’t exist :blush:. I just need one to inspire my resolve with their calm acceptance.

My heart hurts when I think that I am obeying God and having children in my forties that I need to give to strangers in daycare to raise. (Please, I understand well meaning folks will offer that I can find a way to stay home, but as of now it is unfortunately not possible).

Is anyone here or does anyone know of any practicing NFP Catholic woman that is around my age 43 with infants (not older children) in daycare? I just feel so alone in this circumstance of being open to life with NFP to honor God, and then give these gifts of children to perfect strangers every day. It seems so wrong when I’m trying to do something right.

Any encouragement on how I can accept this is ok is appreciated. I wish so much I could stay home but I never could for all 3.

Thank you.

3 Likes

I’m now 45. My husband and I decided to Not use NFP or any other method to attempt to control our fertility when we married. Our youngest would have been born this July, if we hadn’t miscarried. Together, we have six children. The 2 I raised as a single working Mom before we married were in daycare from the time they were infants until they entered preschool. It was always heartbreaking leaving them about 50 hrs a week so I could work to provide for us. These 2 are now 24 yrs old & 7 yrs old and both doing well. I’m not working outside the home anymore, but I did for more than 25 yrs while raising kids before getting married. If you feel I can relate to your situation & what you’re going through, please reach out anytime.

1 Like

Thanks so much for sharing. I appreciate it very much. I have to leave my 4 month old in daycare while being open to life with my also 40’ish husband to have more babies to continue the cycle of leaving them with strangers in daycare. Something feels so wrong about me being open to doing that. I feel like I’m missing some thought that will help me accept that.

I’m a lot younger so not what you’re asking for.

But some perspective: how’s the staff in daycare like? Are they nice people? Passionate?

Whenever you say strangers, stop yourself and think ‘kind people/God’s daughters /etc helping me and my husband’.

Strangers just makes you feel unnecessarily guilty. You’re doing what is best for your family and sometimes that’s what evil uses to turn it against you.

I don’t know if this makes you feel better, but as someone studying psychology, research shows that quality of time with children is a more promising indicator of good outcomes than the quantity of time.

Simply put, your children will turn out just as fine if you are a good mother when you get to see them.

3 Likes

Thank you! My two older children are a testament to that. Also, I appreciate the perspective of the women in the daycare as being Gods daughters etc… In the end, God knows my heart, my intentions and my limitations. I will just keep praying for their safety. He knows my inmost desires too, to stay home with them and so I just must rest in that no matter the longing to be with them. Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. God bless you both.

1 Like

I think the feelings are natural, and maximizing time with your children is important… but at some point almost everyone entrusts their children to strangers. Usually at the age of 5 if nothing else. For us, it was when he was 2 and a half.

1 Like

When I was 43 I knew working moms, and I was one, and I still know them :slight_smile:

My daycare workers were only complete strangers when I first met them, after that they became close, part of our family.

1 Like

Thank you twf, I appreciate your input. My eldest is 19, my youngest 8 weeks … I used to leave them with my mom so it was easier but she is elderly now and cannot care full time for a baby. My consolation, and I have to repeat this often to myself, is that God knows how I feel, and I admit I feel good knowing that I am honoring Him in something so very difficult for me. I must continue praying for more trust. I think that is key. Thank you again.

1 Like

Thank you Littlelady, I pray it will be the same for me! I’m known to find fault in everyone, especially myself. I can’t count how many times I had to be on the phone with teachers (I know infant care is different) because of something they said to my child or did… and I’m the kind of parent that will tell my child to respect their teachers and that’s the end of it.

I’m not in my 40s but in my mid 30s. We have 4 kids ranging from 1 to 9 years old. I work full time outside our home. My husband works full time split between working from home and out of the home. We have had a wonderful nanny for the last few years who treats my girls like they were her grandchildren. When the older ones were little, we had family friends nanny for them - one is godmother of one of the older girls and the other is godmother to the baby. It’s never hurt my kids to have more people who love and care for them. My coworkers have all had great things to say about the daycare centers and in home daycares that they use too.

We use NFP and will likely try for more children in the future if my health holds out.

I’m also in a great Facebook group for Catholic working mothers and you are most definitely not alone.

3 Likes

thank you so much, I will reread this as my little one woke up just now. God bless you :blush:

I would love to join such a Facebook group and will search for one, thank you so much for that idea. I WISH I could find such a nanny! But I couldn’t trust someone I don’t know not referred to me and I even if I had cameras in my home, to be at work checking on cameras makes me nervous just to think of it. We did find a reputable daycare which puts me more at ease for various reasons. I guess I’m just sad that I am never able to stay at home with any of my children, even at this older age I must leave them, again. And be open to having more, to leave them again in daycare. I will have to work on what thoughts to conjure up when this feeling occurs. Open to suggestions. Thank you to everyone who shared.:heart:

The person who created the Facebook group I’m in just published a book for Catholic working moms. The whole 3rd chapter is about finding peace when you need to work but would much rather stay home. The whole book is a quick read but that chapter alone wouldn’t take long to read.

2 Likes

Wonderful! Thank you so much! God works here in this forum thanks for being His instrument. I’m off to look at that book now.

1 Like

I’m not quite 40 yet, but I meet the rest of your qualifications. Until this school year, I have mostly had my children home with nannies, but I tried a daycare for the first time this year because I wanted my eldest to have some experience in a classroom prior to kindergarten. We were expecting my third child in March, and my plan was to take maternity leave until the end of the school year when I am off for the summer, so she would not have to be in any daycare until she was at least six months old. Long story short, she came in January. My leave ended two weeks after her original due date and most of it was spent in NICU. I was put in a position to do what I swore I would never do, namely, put a newborn in a daycare center. A premature newborn at that, who wouldn’t even have been old enough to enroll if she had been born when she was supposed to be! I was beyond nervous. But they did a really good job with her. She did not get sick once and she kept putting on weight. Of course, I would have preferred to be hoe with her, but I was really comfortable with the way they cared for her.

3 Likes

Thank you Allegra for sharing, and God bless your babies and you.

This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.