NFP and Honeymoon

My fiance and I are getting married in December, and while it is a little bit early to say for sure, but it is looking likely that I will be fertile on our wedding night and a good part of the honeymoon.

We’ve discussed this at length, prayed about it and talked about it during our very long engagement (due to graduate school). We both think postponing a pregnancy at least until I graduate in May 2010 (though perhaps a little longer so I have time to work maybe a year to start paying off school loans) would be fine. Though we both agree that even with NFP, we have to be constantly praying for God’s will in our decision to be TTA or TTC.

While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn’t deal with…it is just not ideal since I graduate in May, and we move to another state in June/July. And hopefully I will be taking the 2 board exams to be a licensed pharmacist in June…plus hopefully starting a job and working for awhile.

Anyways, in this long post trying to explain my situation, I guess I’m trying to ask if any couples decided to abstain their wedding night and honeymoon because they thought it best to postpone a pregnancy. I’m worried about it, partially because I’m disappointed thinking of the sacrifice we’d be making during a time that should be special and romantic time for a newly wed couple as they make that transition in their relationship to husband and wife. I’m also from a family (even in my extended family) that thinks I’m crazy for not using some form of birth control or living together/being currently sexually active…and I can’t help but feel that it would hurt doublely knowing that we are making the “right decision” and are committed decision in this respect and yet we cannot even enjoy our honeymoon as husband and wife…

So anyways, complicated…but wanted to see if any other Catholic couples could offer their own experience and/or advice. Thank you! :slight_smile:

I don’t know of anyone mostly because it’s not something any of my friends discussed with others…

An idea though - is your honeymoon set and paid for or could you postpone it for a week or two - that might eliminate being fertile either on your wedding night or on your honeymoon…

Unfortunately our schedule is pretty set in stone. We were given tickets for flights for our week long honeymoon by my mom. And we are heading out to his family’s place for Christmas in a different state right after the honeymoon----the one thing is that we are staying in a hotel so it is possible to sort of “extend” the honeymoon in a way. Except that it isn’t “our honeymoon” exactly and that we will be spending a lot of time with family since it is the holidays.

Thanks for the suggestion though—it was a good thought.

Hmm, if it’s impossible to reschedule maybe you can have another “real” honeymoon for just the two of you later when you are not fertile.

Hi…December is six months away. The stress from preparing a wedding can throw the most regular cycle off… So you might not have to worry about this at all.

If you end up not being intimate because you are in your fertile period, don’t worry. You could still use your honeymoon to get to know each other better, to get used to living with each other.

And if you do be intimate, you might conceive on your honeymoon…or you might not.

Don’t dwell on it now. You’ll be able to know more as your wedding date draws near, right now seems too soon.

Also, for your Christmas trip to see family…they’ll know that you are newly weds, hopefully they won’t have you on a tight itinerary where you wont have a few minutes for yourselves.

I hear so often that couples aren’t ready for a baby b/c of a job or college or lack of money…you know, it’s never the “right” time to have a baby, and than couples turn around, their hittin 40 and than they have trouble getting pregnant and they all say, I wish we didn’t wait so long to have children…

Hi,

My wife and I decided to abstain most of our honeymoon. It was tough at times but we still had a great vacation. Of course once we got back home it was like a whole NEW honeymoon! It wasn’t ideal, but looking back, it wasn’t as huge of a deal as I would have thought either.

It’ll be ok no matter what you decide. If you do decide to abstain, be sure to pray together about it.

Also, I wouldnt recommend changing your vacation schedule because of this. I’ve heard that cycles can often be affected by stress and weddings are very stressful… things may change…

-Mike

It’s fairly common for NFP couples to have to wait to consummate their marriage…
We were several days into our honeymoon before it was possible…

HTH! :slight_smile:

NFP couples do have to abstain on their honeymoons a lot. either that or schedule their weddings around their cycle.

So you can either change the wedding or the cycle. The wedding would be a lot easier to change, but you said you can’t. So… have you thought about strenuous exercise combined with caloric restrictions? :stuck_out_tongue:

On the bright side it can’t get much more difficult than abstaining on your honeymoon, so you will be ready for the worst NFP can throw at you.

EXACTLY. I was a 28-day like clock-work girl, and my cycles went a little crazy before and after the wedding. Most of my friends have had the same experience. We did not choose to abstain during our honeymoon or TTA in early marriage (obviously…lol see ticker :wink: we’ve been married 3 years and have a 2 year old and now another on the way) but we felt that God was calling us not to avoid.

This is certainly not a decision you have to make NOW. :smiley: Continue to draw close to God as your wedding approaches and if you do end up abstaining on your honeymoon, lots of couples have done so, and it will probably be a wonderful time for you to enjoy each other as husband and wife in non-physical ways :slight_smile: Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

These are exactly the questions that NFP makes you ask. These are the questions that are so important and put everything in perspective.

Really, it all comes down to you and your future husband deciding what is most important. Is it more important that I continue to pursue my career with as little debts as possible so that I can do what I feel God is calling me to? Or, do I in fact now feel that raising a family is more important? Is there a third option which I hadn’t previously considered?

There is no sin in trying to avoid on your honeymoon. You and your husband will take many vacations in the future in which there is no sex. It’s up to you.

My fertile time fell right around the time of my wedding and honeymoon. Knowing that even if I was ovulating there was a possiblity I wouldn’t conceive, we decided we would not abstain during our wedding night or our honeymoon. Basically we said having a baby right now would be tough, but not the end of the world, so let’s go ahead and enjoy each other and deal with the consequences later. It turns out we didn’t get pregnant that month. How sad it would have been to miss out on fully enjoying each other during our honeymoon unless there was a life-or-death or other SERIOUSLY grave reason to TTA. IMHO, changing jobs or the incovenience of moving with a baby is not that type of serious. From what you’re saying “While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn’t deal with…it is just not ideal since I graduate in May,” It sounds like you agree with me.

And by the way, I wanted to congratulate you on your decision to abstain until your are married and to use NFP.

We lost the second week of our honeymoon to “the fertile time.” It seemed a terrible hardship at the time, but 10 years later on we’ve rather made up for it. :slight_smile:

Take the long view and you’ll be great. And it’s nobody’s business but yours, no need for family and friend to know.

Even if it turns out you AREN’T fertile, don’t put pressure on yourself regarding wedding night, honeymoon, etc. And, certainly, don’t discuss your private life with family/friends, especially unsupportive ones.

Many couples find themselves so exhausted on their wedding day, that the “wedding night” is nothing but sleep anyway. This is VERY common.

Either way, fertile or not, just discuss it together and make your decision at that time. A few days of getting used to being with each other first is not a bad thing.

I’ll second this, except to modify it to “many BRIDES find themselves so exhausted…”

As for the husbands, suck it up boys. It won’t be the last time you need to die to yourself and put her first!

I was fertile on my honeymoon as well. We did not abstain. I did get pregnant, but later lost the baby to miscarriage. However, even if you’re fertile that doesn’t guarantee a baby will be born in September.

On one hand, it would be a good ‘test’ of your willingness to sacrifice for NFP - so I’d say go for it. It will probably be one of the most difficult abstinence sessions you’ll have during your NFP career. However, with the stress of the wedding, traveling, etc, it may not be as strenuous as you think.

On the other hand, if you already concede that it wouldn’t be the end of the world or impossible for you two to have a baby in September - I say, why not enjoy your new spouse as God meant you to do? A PP already said that there is seldom (if ever) a perfect (or even good) time to have a baby. With our faith and NFP we have to rely on God to know what’s acceptable for us. I strongly encourage you two to take this latter approach (do not abstain) and begin your marriage with the utmost trust in God!

It sounds like you two have had some good discussions about this matter. I would continue to be open, honest, and prayerful about this decision. You have a good bit of time where your cycle may change. However, your temptations may also change during this time. My prayers are with you!

Wow, that’s a rather chauvinist comment, manuelman.

Several of my male friends and my DH have indicated that they were indeed very exhausted on their wedding day due to travel, up early and up late the preceeding days, and after a very long day on the wedding day itself they were **glad **there was no pressure one way or the other when it came to the “wedding night.” They were not “sucking it up” but rather equally happy to collapse into a coma!

This was my experience as well. It wasn’t ideal, but we survived. It was kind of helpful in taking off some pressure regarding the wedding night as the wedding day was so packed as it was.

I guess we are REALLY odd because not only did we NOT obstain on our wedding night and honeymoon, we actually left our reception a little early so we would have enough energy for each other.

My wife and I did the same thing. We were only at our reception for maybe 20 min. Long enough to poke our head in the door say, thanks for coming enjoy the party and then leave.

I think the ones that end up exhausted and are too tired to enjoy the wedding night are the ones who put a lot of energy into a big wedding. Reason # 123 to elope :thumbsup:

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