[quote="ahs, post:13, topic:339643"]
I say this with all due respect and NOT to judge or point fingers...but I feel like this needs to be pointed out. Hoosier Daddy, help me understand your point more succinctly:
You believe you and your spouse have used NFP for unjust reasons. Yet you and your spouse have a hard time agreeing on even the most basic and simple issues. You don't respect her lack of readiness [for a child] to a point where she has to be the "sex police", and then when you fail to control yourself, you blame her because you chose to break the rules. You see God, not as a unifying Person in the Marriage, but as another opportunity for a disagreement in a moral decision. And you don't think any of that is a just reason to avoid a pregnancy right now??
None of that looks like "NFP's failure" to me. It looks like you are having a difficult time being responsible for your decisions and respecting your spouse's position, and NFP is the only thing holding your Marriage together. IMHO.
You believe you and your spouse have used NFP for unjust reasons.
Yes. And most couples we know have also used it for unjust reasons. In fact we often discuss it.
Yet you and your spouse have a hard time agreeing on even the most basic and simple issues.
No. And this was the risk I ran by typing that. It has nothing to do with if I have a good or bad marriage. We have an excellent marriage and we settle on all the important things. But a marriage is about compromise. And compromise is about one or both parties sacrificing a little. There is no such thing as a marriage where both partners agree on even the little things. I was trying to point out that marriages involves two people with two free wills and two wants and needs. I was trying to be honest about what marriage entails and in trying to speak frankly and honestly, I was misunderstood. The fact of the matter is that with NFP if BOTH couples agree that there is no reason to avoid and both desire children then they may not abstain. But the level of agreement or want of children is different because there are two different people in the equation. That is all. My wife and I do not disagree about movies or anything else. I was trying to illustrate a point. She may want to see a chick flick, I may want to see an action flick and we either find something in between or we indulge the other person. We do not bicker about it but we do not desire the exact same things.
You don't respect her lack of readiness [for a child] to a point where she has to be the "sex police", and then when you fail to control yourself, you blame her because you chose to break the rules
No, again I must not have been clear. Her reasons may not appear "Just" to me. If she wanted to abstain because she wants a red Ferrari or because she wants to fit in a black cocktail dress for a friends wedding in 2 months then that might not be "Just" to me.
(neither of those are true) And I am concerned that the jump you made was that I lack self control and force her to do something and then blame her!!! Let me be clear that WE lack self control. Together. We agree to sin. As do the other NFP couples we know. It is nice to have couples who know the struggles and are not ignorant of the mechanics or moral decisions. We could never go back to ABC but there was a time where my wife wanted me to have a vasectomy or wear condoms. There was a time in our marriage where sex was free and worry-less because we used ABC. As we matured and grew in faith we realized different things at different times. We have recently moved, Our littlest is 9 months and I already am feeling the pull to have another. Our situation is unique in that I care for and homeschool the children. So I have more of an idea of when we are ready to have another than most husbands. (Except about her body and mental fitness) That is all hers.
Another thing that makes it hard is that fertile time is always the best time if you know what I mean!!!
The woman is almost exclusively the sex police in NFP simply because of the physicality of it. Before and after the act!