NFP and keeping the spark!


#1

We have been practicing NFP (Creighton Model) for our 6 years of marriage. We have 2 children. Lately, I feel like our sex life is so planned. Any advice out there for how to keep the spark alive while practicing NFP?


#2

I would be interested in hearing replies. I feel the same way, practicing NFP for 3 years. There is really no chance for spontaneity if you are serious about postponement of pregnancy. I feel like we never experienced that honeymooners bliss at all with NFP, since we have been practicing it since our wedding day.


#3

[quote=JoyC]. We have 2 children. Lately, I feel like our sex life is so planned. ?
[/quote]

at my age have no real help to offer except my own memories, and thinking back to the time we had a houseful of kids, if we didn’t plan for it, it was not going to happen. can’t be spontaneous if sick babies and sleepless 2 yr olds hav other plans, or if one of you is so dead tired your snoozing on the couch by 8:30.

and we also planned some 2d, 3d and 4th honeymoons (never had the first one) and had that joyous abandon because we were not “worried” about the consequences. yes we were poor on a student income and yes we had major health concerns, but we are probably the last couple instructed in the old-line Catholic thought that children are the natural result of married love so why would you prevent them in the first place. No one during our rather extensive marriage prep (both in my home parish and at school) suggested or taught anything about nfp.


#4

You planned your first honeymoon, didn’t you? What’s so wrong with planning?

I saw a TV program years ago that showed it’s actually *better *to plan. You’re more likely to have time together if you set time aside. According to this program, people who plan have a better sex life.

I usually let my husband know that morning that tonight’s the night! The kids go to bed early (that is, we make sure they go at their regular bedtimes instead of lagging) and the TV goes off (the VCR goes on).

I’ve always found that after the waiting period, it’s like having another honeymoon. I get twelve honeymoons a year. The anticipation of knowing that morning what’s coming that night is all we need to get the sparks going.


#5

To the first two posters…

Prayerfully consider that this could be a sign from God that (at least for now) you should enjoy the marital embrace whenever the mood strikes you and welcome any children that He may desire to send you!

Remember NFP is not meant to be the norm. It’s meant to be used when you decide that it’s important to space or limit your children. So, if you feel that you have good reason at this time, then realize that this lack of sponteneity is just part of your cross to bear with NFP.


#6

What we have academically decided is that we BOTH need to work harder to provide what the other one needs. What SHE needs is more non-sexual affirmation and non-physical expressions of affection and love. I’m making bone-headedly slow progress understanding that if I remember to give her that during the ‘ineligible times’ she’s more enthused about giving back to me. What I need is… well, I’m the guy.


#7

I have always found that the
"waiting period" while my wife is ovulating (8-10 days) causes alot of anticipation which in turn keeps it exciting.


#8

I had to laugh out loud when I read the NFP book’s section on being spontaneous.
(rough quote)

[quote=Kippley]I suspect that if couples really believed in spontaneity, there would be a lot more midday traffic.
[/quote]


#9

[quote=vluvski]I had to laugh out loud when I read the NFP book’s section on being spontaneous.
(rough quote)
[/quote]

Hey don’t knock “mid-day traffic”. Between the kids and the dogs, sometimes it’s best to take peace where you find it. :thumbsup:


#10

I am truly blessed and thankful that God has given me such a wonderful man to be with. At times, I feel like a liability in our marriage when I am really ill and have to go to multiple appts. but he tells me right away to "stop thinking like that, I love you and we’re in this together ".

We have been married for 8 yrs., 3 months, 7 days but who’s counting (lol). We use NFP to abstain because of serious health health problems that I have. When we can’t be together, he goes above and beyond to make sure that I am comfortable w/o thinking about his needs. We even pray the rosary in church together. That’s when I feel extremely close to him because he is a very strong spiritual example. :gopray2:

Also, one thing I like to do spontaniously (to keep the sparks alive) is write poetry or make a tape for him to play in the car while driving to work. I’ll even joke with him that our marriage is not just a committment, but an adventure where he’s in it for the long haul. It pays to have a sense of humor. :smiley:


#11

Hey Everyone,

Sorry its been so long since I started a thread and haven’t responded any. Both of my kids took turns being sick. Thanks for all the replies. I think alot of our problem lies with my husband, (don’t all women say that haha). What I mean is that even though he loves me and understands that at times we need to wait and abstain, he also thinks that when its “safe” we should indulge and never let a “safe” time pass. Don’t yall ever get tired?? I tell you what, I am alot more interested when I think he hasn’t thought about it at all. I don’t like feeling like he is waiting for me to pounce. Don’t get me wrong, when I am in the mood it is great but it takes alot more to get me interested these days. Most of the time, I would rather take a hot bath, read a good book and go to bed!!! Am I alone??


#12

Man, NFP or not, after 13 yrs of marriage, I find it hard to keep that spark, we can’t have anymore kids so basically we can have relations anytime, but even when we used NFP when were able to have kids, I still had no spark. Sometimes I just don’t feel very special or wanted and it can feel so same ole, same ole, not the same as that first year of marriage when you are winning eachother over all the time. I wish there was a way to get back to that “doing so much for the other, days” if anyone has suggestions on how to get back that “loving feeling” I’d sure appreciate that. Not that I don’t love my husband, I most certainly do, but I guess, I take him for granted too much and he does that to me, we are tired, cranky at the end of the day and the fun and spark is just gone and it is now just so , blah!! :smiley:


#13

[quote=kamz]Man, NFP or not, after 13 yrs of marriage, I find it hard to keep that spark, we can’t have anymore kids so basically we can have relations anytime, but even when we used NFP when were able to have kids, I still had no spark. Sometimes I just don’t feel very special or wanted and it can feel so same ole, same ole, not the same as that first year of marriage when you are winning eachother over all the time. I wish there was a way to get back to that “doing so much for the other, days” if anyone has suggestions on how to get back that “loving feeling” I’d sure appreciate that. Not that I don’t love my husband, I most certainly do, but I guess, I take him for granted too much and he does that to me, we are tired, cranky at the end of the day and the fun and spark is just gone and it is now just so , blah!! :smiley:
[/quote]

I know people say this jokingly, but I’m seriously suggesting that you give up sex for Lent. Maybe having 40 days of abstinence will help take you back to your first year :slight_smile: I don’t know… I don’t have any first hand experience with doing this!


#14

[quote=CatholicSam]I know people say this jokingly, but I’m seriously suggesting that you give up sex for Lent. Maybe having 40 days of abstinence will help take you back to your first year :slight_smile: I don’t know… I don’t have any first hand experience with doing this!
[/quote]

Were you suggesting this for me or for Kamz?


#15

[quote=JoyC]Were you suggesting this for me or for Kamz?
[/quote]

Kamz, but if you want to try it too… :smiley:


#16

…you would actually feel worse off if you didn’t practice NFP!!

There was a study done by the Oddens BJ. called " Women’s satisfaction with birth control." (published in the Contraception Journal, 1999;59:277-286.) in which she surveyed 1466
women users of Oral contraceptives, IUDs, condoms, sterilization, and NFP.

She found that the current NFP users reported the highest increase (by percentage) in their libido/sex drive:

NFP = 27.8%
Steril = 19.0
IUD = 9.2%
OCs = 8.4%
Condoms = 4.7%

And when asked if sex was more pleasurable:

NFP = 27.8%
OCs = 25.0
IUD = 22.7
Condoms = 9.8


#17

[quote=IlovemyChurch]…you would actually feel worse off if you didn’t practice NFP!!

There was a study done by the Oddens BJ. called " Women’s satisfaction with birth control." (published in the Contraception Journal, 1999;59:277-286.) in which she surveyed 1466
women users of Oral contraceptives, IUDs, condoms, sterilization, and NFP.

She found that the current NFP users reported the highest increase (by percentage) in their libido/sex drive:

NFP = 27.8%
Steril = 19.0
IUD = 9.2%
OCs = 8.4%
Condoms = 4.7%

And when asked if sex was more pleasurable:

NFP = 27.8%
OCs = 25.0
IUD = 22.7
Condoms = 9.8
[/quote]

Really? Well, purely from my own personal experience…I can tell you, nothing could be further from the truth in our case :frowning:

So, I’m quite interested by those figures…where do researchers get them from???

Anna x


#18

[quote=CatholicSam]Kamz, but if you want to try it too… :smiley:
[/quote]

I would love it by I think my husband would object, since he was the reason I started this thread haha. :stuck_out_tongue:


#19

in my life is that the instant before we were married, relations were forbidden; the instant after, they were required.


#20

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