NFP is too hard to do


#1

Okay well I’m not a Catholic, I am a Protestant but I agree with you guys on a ton of issues. I think birth control is wrong for a lot of reasons. But I have tried to learn NFP on my own and it is too darn hard. I’ve read 3 different books on it and I do understand how it’s done, but I just can’t do it. All the signs they say to look for happen like ALL the time. I have very long cycles and my temperature doesn’t go up more than a couple tenths of a degree, but that happens every 2 or 3 days. The other method didn’t work for me either. So I told my husband if we do this, we are going to have to be abstinent for about 3 weeks every month just to be sure, and he said absolutely no way.

So my question is, how can anyone do this? I’m kind of embarrassed to have to go take a class on it, and my husband wouldn’t even do that I’m sure. What do you think I should do, any advice?


#2

It is very hard to learn from books. My wife and I tried for several years (and four children) to learn on our own. Finally, we signed up for a course taught by the Couple to Couple Leauge. They explained things very well, helped us with questions for several months after the classes and are still an invaluable aid in decyphering some odd months. I would encourage you to find a CCL class in your area. I think they ask for a $50 donation for the cost of the books, but it is a donation.


#3

You can also look up Couple to Couple League online-- they offer a home study course, which might be beneficial.

Keep in mind that there are some external things which might interfere with being able to interpret ferility signals properly. For example, wearing non-cotton underwear, wearing panty hose, using anti-histamines, having relations with your spouse.

There are also many external factors which might influence your cycle irregularities- such as diet, the amount of light you sleep in, exercise, amount of body fat.

One of the most difficult things in beginning NFP is understanding your own body and what is normal for you.

My husband is a self-proclaimed aetheist- but is very supportive of us using NFP when we have grave reason to avoid pregnancy-- as he knows that anything else would crush my spirit, so to speak. He loves me and understands that,for me, this is a non-negotionable issue- and therefore chooses to be selfless in the area of our sexuality. The gift is that, so far, we have four beautiful children who have helped him learn how to love and brought him much more joy than he ever thought possible. It is such a self perpetuating cyle- being selfless brings you the exact things you need to grow in selflessness- to be able to truly love sacrificially as Christ desires for spouses to do!

God bless!


#4

[quote=ShanMcCatholic]You can also look up Couple to Couple League online-- they offer a home study course, which might be beneficial.

Thank you. I will look into that.

Keep in mind that there are some external things which might interfere with being able to interpret ferility signals properly. For example, wearing non-cotton underwear, wearing panty hose, using anti-histamines, having relations with your spouse.

I know.

There are also many external factors which might influence your cycle irregularities- such as diet, the amount of light you sleep in, exercise, amount of body fat.

Yeah there’s some weird stuff in some of those books about how you have to recreate the cycles of the moon in your bedroom to get your cycles regular. I don’t know if it works. Not possible for me, my baby sleeps in our bedroom and has to have things “a certain way”. I don’t think it would help if I lost weight. I’ve been at all sorts of weights over the past 4 years and my cycles haven’t changed at all. They’ve always been wacky.

One of the most difficult things in beginning NFP is understanding your own body and what is normal for you.

That’s the tricky part.

My husband is a self-proclaimed aetheist- but is very supportive of us using NFP when we have grave reason to avoid pregnancy-- as he knows that anything else would crush my spirit, so to speak. He loves me and understands that,for me, this is a non-negotionable issue- and therefore chooses to be selfless in the area of our sexuality. The gift is that, so far, we have four beautiful children who have helped him learn how to love and brought him much more joy than he ever thought possible. It is such a self perpetuating cyle- being selfless brings you the exact things you need to grow in selflessness- to be able to truly love sacrificially as Christ desires for spouses to do!

God bless!
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Wow you sound like such a nice person. That must be really hard to have an atheist husband. My husband is a Christian and that’s one of the things I love best about him. But he says if I ever become a Catholic I won’t be the woman he married. He said I won’t be as much his wife anymore. So that’s kind of out of the question anyway.
Thanks and God bless you too.


#5

I teach NFP for CCL and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I recommend taking a class. Not only will you have your questions answered there (privately if you prefer), but you can contact your teaching couple any time after class. An alternative is to call CCL directly. They have staff on hand to answer questions or review your chart.

I think the best example to learning NFP is to that of explaining how to tie your shoes. It’s hard to write down and provide directions, but once you get through it and understand it (and practice) it’s very simple.

Classes only includes slides of text and “lecture” from the teachers. Some example charts will be reviewed and you do some reading between the four classes (about a month apart). You have the opportunity to have your charts reviewed by the teaching couple at class. Before or after if you are concerned about any privacy.


#6

[quote=Christian4life]Okay well I’m not a Catholic, I am a Protestant but I agree with you guys on a ton of issues. I think birth control is wrong for a lot of reasons. But I have tried to learn NFP on my own and it is too darn hard. I’ve read 3 different books on it and I do understand how it’s done, but I just can’t do it. All the signs they say to look for happen like ALL the time. I have very long cycles and my temperature doesn’t go up more than a couple tenths of a degree, but that happens every 2 or 3 days. The other method didn’t work for me either. So I told my husband if we do this, we are going to have to be abstinent for about 3 weeks every month just to be sure, and he said absolutely no way.

So my question is, how can anyone do this? I’m kind of embarrassed to have to go take a class on it, and my husband wouldn’t even do that I’m sure. What do you think I should do, any advice?
[/quote]

It might be hard at first, but you get used to it. It forces you to look at your marriage and your sex life in a whole new light.

As an aside, the difficulty of NFP might actually serve a good purpose. It forces you to really ask yourself if you have a good enough reason to be putting off pregnancy right now. I know that when my wife and I were confronted with that question, we decided that we really didn’t have a good reason…and now’s she’s 7.5 months pregnant.

OK, that was probably the worst argument ever for convincing a skeptical person to use NFP. Oh well.


#7

You really need to take a class. There’s nothing to be embarressed about. It should to be taken as a couple so it will help your husband understand the ins and outs of it better and that would help him feel more involved. What are his reasons for not going?

There are definately things that effect you body temp. This might be dumb questions but 1) you are not on the pill right now are you? 2) are you using a special thermometer made to detect ovulation? 3) are you taking your temp at the same time everyday 4) are you getting close the same amount of sleep every night 5) do you wake alot during the night?
Nutrition also can play a big part.

If you absolutely can’t take a class, contact CCL and speak to someone personally. I thnk NFP is hard to learn for many without outside help but it’s not hard once you have proper instruction.

ccli.org/


#8

[quote=Christian4life] I have tried to learn NFP on my own and it is too darn hard.
[/quote]

hey…what’s up??? great job on trying nfp and following God’s plan!!!

just a few things…

  • yeah nfp is hard to learn and follow, but so is christianity…christ never said it would be easy
  • you HAVE to take a class…I mean we take classes to drive, cook, be christian, etc…this is really a thing you can’t learn well on your own. Their is nothing to be embarassed about…I (a man) felt wierd…but the lady was sooo kick back…just an older lady at a hospital teaching…
  • my wife and I took classes like 2 years ago…used it…then didn’t need it…got pregnant…now we kinda need it again…and we totally need to go back and brush up on the classes…but yeah my wife (since she is breastfeeding) has messed up mucus all the time…so alot of times we do go 3 weeks without sex…big deal (yes we are young 26). If you NEED to not have a kid right now…what is more important…filling your animal instincts or providing for your family…your husband just needs to read/pray more to understand why you guys are doing what you are doing.
    -god bless you…and i look forward to you converting to catholicism…any questions…email me mike@sevensorrows.com

#9

Take a class, and forget the home-learning method. The length and detail of the CCL books can be overwhelming, while NFP is actually pretty simple.

You learn a basic method for observing and recording your signs. Then you learn how to interpret what you recorded. The overall technique of NFP takes only a few classes to learn. All of the additional material is used to encompass and explain the myriad of patterns a woman can experience in her cycle, but it should be read mainly as a reference, not a textbook.

And don’t feel embarrassed. It’s so technical (although not hard) you might as well be studying astronomy. That is, until homework time…:wink:
Good luck!


#10

[quote=rayne89]You really need to take a class. There’s nothing to be embarressed about. It should to be taken as a couple so it will help your husband understand the ins and outs of it better and that would help him feel more involved. What are his reasons for not going?
He doesn’t like ABC, but he doesn’t think it’s morally wrong either. He doesn’t think NFP works, and I’ve tried and tried to persuade him that it isn’t just the rythm method, which we already tried, thus our daughter was born, but he doesn’t believe it’s any more effective.
There are definately things that effect you body temp. This might be dumb questions but 1) you are not on the pill right now are you?

Absolutely no. Never have been, never will be. My husband was against it even before I was.
2) are you using a special thermometer made to detect ovulation?
Does such a think exist? I thought I had a pretty good thermometer. It’s digital! I can’t read the glass ones.
3) are you taking your temp at the same time everyday
Yep. Right when I wake up.
4) are you getting close the same amount of sleep every night
Lol. Nope. Got a baby.

  1. do you wake alot during the night?
    Lol. Yep. Again, got a baby.

Nutrition also can play a big part.

Nu tr tion? What is this word? Does that mean I’d have to eat vegetables? No actually I think my nutrition is okay.

If you absolutely can’t take a class, contact CCL and speak to someone personally. I thnk NFP is hard to learn for many without outside help but it’s not hard once you have proper instruction.

ccli.org/
[/quote]

Taking a class would be really hard for a number of reasons. We don’t get out much because of the snow, and neither me nor my husband can drive.


#11

[quote=rayne89]You really need to take a class. There’s nothing to be embarressed about. It should to be taken as a couple so it will help your husband understand the ins and outs of it better and that would help him feel more involved. What are his reasons for not going?

There are definately things that effect you body temp. This might be dumb questions but 1) you are not on the pill right now are you? 2) are you using a special thermometer made to detect ovulation? 3) are you taking your temp at the same time everyday 4) are you getting close the same amount of sleep every night 5) do you wake alot during the night?
Nutrition also can play a big part.

If you absolutely can’t take a class, contact CCL and speak to someone personally. I thnk NFP is hard to learn for many without outside help but it’s not hard once you have proper instruction.

ccli.org/
[/quote]


#12

[quote=Christian4life]Wow you sound like such a nice person. That must be really hard to have an atheist husband. My husband is a Christian and that’s one of the things I love best about him. But he says if I ever become a Catholic I won’t be the woman he married. He said I won’t be as much his wife anymore. So that’s kind of out of the question anyway.
Thanks and God bless you too.
[/quote]

LOL!! I hear you about the babies in your room! Right now we havea two year old (now blessedly in her own bed, though :thumbsup: ) and a 6 week old in our room. I hear you about the weight, too- being a pro-creative being sure makes buying clothes difficult!

Listen- trust the Holy Spirit in your relationship with your husband. Listen to the promptings of the Spirit to guide you as to when to be bold and when to stay silent. Trust also that the Spirit is working on your husband’s heart.

Marriage is a covenantual relationship- it doesn’t really matter what we as individuals become- we are,until death, one flesh. I hope you are not the woman he married now-- we ought to be growing and changing-- deepening our faith and growing better at loving ourselves, our spouses, and those around us. A person at 25 ought not be the same at 45… If you are able to develop a deep prayer life and truly make your home a bastion of unconditional love for your husband- you should be able to be live the spirituality you feel called to without fear. There is a really great book, I highly recommend entitled By a Love Refined by Dr. Alice von Hildebrand. It is a very easy read, but contains great gems of wisdom about being a better spouse. (It’s Catholic, but that is NOT the central theme of the book. My husband has actually he said he would read it to understand some of the changes I am try to makev to improve our marriage)

Peace be unto you and you family!


#13

[quote=Seven Sorrows]hey…what’s up??? great job on trying nfp and following God’s plan!!!

just a few things…

  • yeah nfp is hard to learn and follow, but so is christianity…christ never said it would be easy
  • you HAVE to take a class…I mean we take classes to drive, cook, be christian, etc…this is really a thing you can’t learn well on your own. Their is nothing to be embarassed about…I (a man) felt wierd…but the lady was sooo kick back…just an older lady at a hospital teaching…
    Getting there would be the hard thing for me, too.
  • my wife and I took classes like 2 years ago…used it…then didn’t need it…got pregnant…now we kinda need it again…and we totally need to go back and brush up on the classes…but yeah my wife (since she is breastfeeding) has messed up mucus all the time…so alot of times we do go 3 weeks without sex…big deal (yes we are young 26).** If she is breastfeeding I would think you wouldn’t need it. It’s very unlikely to get preg while your breastfeeding. Especially if she isn’t having periods at all.** If you NEED to not have a kid right now…what is more important…filling your animal instincts or providing for your family…

Well we are trying to save up to buy a house. I personally wouldn’t care if we only did it once a month but I’m not like my husband in that sense. your husband just needs to read/pray more to understand why you guys are doing what you are doing.
-god bless you…and i look forward to you converting to catholicism…

Lol. I honestly did have to laugh there. Good luck! any questions…email me mike@sevensorrows.com
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Thank you!


#14

Please excuse me, but I tend toward cantankerousness, and bluntness.

Christian4Life posted:

But he [her husband] says if I ever become a Catholic I won’t be the woman he married

If he was employed at the time you married him, just tell him that if he ever loses his job he won’t be the man you married. Or if he was not employed, and is now, he’s not the man you married.

I’m pretty certain that if you examine the vows “for better, or for worse” that encompasses changes in faith, employment, intelligence, health, you name it.


#15

[quote=atsheeran]It might be hard at first, but you get used to it. It forces you to look at your marriage and your sex life in a whole new light.

As an aside, the difficulty of NFP might actually serve a good purpose. It forces you to really ask yourself if you have a good enough reason to be putting off pregnancy right now. I know that when my wife and I were confronted with that question, we decided that we really didn’t have a good reason…and now’s she’s 7.5 months pregnant.

OK, that was probably the worst argument ever for convincing a skeptical person to use NFP. Oh well.
[/quote]

Yeah getting pregnant isn’t the worst thing in the world. There’s always the chance it could happen again and if it did I would be happy, but I just don’t like want to MAKE it happen right now. My baby is only 7 1/2 months old and we just aren’t ready for another one yet. I would like to be able to have a house of our own to bring another kid into first, for one thing, and then there is the matter of maternity insurance which we wouldn’t get much help with until next year. Raising kids isn’t expensive, but birthing them sure is. I’d give birth at home if only they could give epidurals at home!


#16

[quote=atsheeran]It might be hard at first, but you get used to it. It forces you to look at your marriage and your sex life in a whole new light.

As an aside, the difficulty of NFP might actually serve a good purpose. It forces you to really ask yourself if you have a good enough reason to be putting off pregnancy right now. I know that when my wife and I were confronted with that question, we decided that we really didn’t have a good reason…and now’s she’s 7.5 months pregnant.

OK, that was probably the worst argument ever for convincing a skeptical person to use NFP. Oh well.
[/quote]


#17

[quote=Black Jaque]Please excuse me, but I tend toward cantankerousness, and bluntness.

Christian4Life posted:

If he was employed at the time you married him, just tell him that if he ever loses his job he won’t be the man you married. Or if he was not employed, and is now, he’s not the man you married.

Actually he was unemployed when I married him, and now he is employed. So I guess he really ISN’T the man I married. But I think what he meant is he INTENDED to marry a Protestant, like himself. Just as many Catholics INTEND not to marry them, but rather to marry other Catholics. That’s one thing we had in common, but I plead ignorance because at that time I did not know what Catholicism actually was. I thought you people worshipped statues and prayed to Mary, that’s the kind of stuff they tell you in Bible studies sometimes.

I’m pretty certain that if you examine the vows “for better, or for worse” that encompasses changes in faith, employment, intelligence, health, you name it.
[/quote]

** I don’t know…I’m not sure I even WANT to be a Catholic. It all just depends. There are still a lot of questions in my mind.**


#18

[quote=Christian4life]Wow you sound like such a nice person. That must be really hard to have an atheist husband. My husband is a Christian and that’s one of the things I love best about him. But he says if I ever become a Catholic I won’t be the woman he married. He said I won’t be as much his wife anymore. So that’s kind of out of the question anyway.
Thanks and God bless you too.
[/quote]

I would like to say, as someone who has done the NFP thing, that it is a wonderful experience. My wife was against it when we got married, but through pray and patience she some came around. Now she is the biggest supporter of NFP and would not do anything else.

The great thing about NFP is that the couple can use it to both avoid and become pregnant. We avoided for 6 months and then used to same method to become pregnant after trying for four months. It also puts some of the responsiblity on the man as well. He will have to use some self-control, which is not a bad thing. But this is the way God intented it. You are a couple and you both should bear responsiblity for this aspect of your lives.

Also, if your husband truly loves you, it would be wrong for him to use your relationship to keep you out of the Catholic Church. That sounds a little manipulative to me. Tell him that he would not be the husband you married if he kept you out.

Peace


#19

Have you checked where the classes are? Don’t you go to Church, or go shopping? Surely there is a way to get around.

IF there is no class nearby, have you called a CCL teaching couple? Ask if they could come to your home. Or perhaps meet nearby somewhere. The organization is called “Couple to Couple” for a reason. :slight_smile:

If you truly want to learn NFP, I’m sure you can find a way. A phone call to CCL is the easiest way, or check their web site for a local couple to call.

Also, I would not rely on breastfeeding for delay in ovulation until you understand ecological breastfeeind and determining your return of fertility.


#20

[quote=Rascal]Have you checked where the classes are? Don’t you go to Church, or go shopping? Surely there is a way to get around.
Nope. We hardly ever go to church anymore. If it isn’t the snow it’s something else. It’s really hard to get there. We go shopping once a week with my husband’s mom. Don’t like to ask her for favors. There’s a bus, but my baby can’t ride with me yet, and there’s no one else to watch her, so I’m stuck.

IF there is no class nearby, have you called a CCL teaching couple? Ask if they could come to your home.
Hmm…not sure my husband would like that…

Or perhaps meet nearby somewhere. The organization is called “Couple to Couple” for a reason. :slight_smile:

If you truly want to learn NFP, I’m sure you can find a way. A phone call to CCL is the easiest way, or check their web site for a local couple to call.

Also, I would not rely on breastfeeding for delay in ovulation until you understand ecological breastfeeind and determining your return of fertility. ** I’m not. I can’t breastfeed anymore.**
[/quote]

Thanks.


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