NFP, Miscarriage and losing faith


#1

First, let me apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post.

My husband and I were married in July of last year. After attending an Engaged Encounter Weekend, we committed to a marriage without artificial contraception. We began using the Creighton model. I am currently in RCIA and was frustrated and felt alone with the lack of support I could find for using NFP and the challenges it presented us as newlyweds.

Three months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was unexpected, but we immediately feel in love with the tiny life God had entrusted us with. We began making plans for me to leave my job and for the arrival of the baby.

Last week, after 13 weeks, the baby's heart stopped beating. The entire process has been devastating. My entire life, and body, has been changed by this baby, and there is no going back.

I am losing faith in God. I can't understand why the choice to trust Him has resulted in so much pain. I can no longer imagine a life without our baby.

Is there hope?


#2

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is difficult when things are so confusing. God loves us always. We don't always know why things happen. Pray for comfort and healing.


#3

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your feelings are entirely normal. It’s very hard to lose a baby to m/c. I’ve suffered several over the years.

It’s hard to understand why these things happen. It’s hard to know why God would give us something so precious and take it back so soon.

I wish I could give you some real words of wisdom, but all I can say is to pray, ask the Blessed Mother to pray for you. She gave up her only son for all our sins and salvation. She knows your pain.

In time, the pain will ease, you will feel better, but for now, it’s OK to just feel upset and a bit angry.

I will leave you with this prayer of Mother Angelica. It helped my heart a great deal during some of our losses.

"My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why…
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.
– Mother M. Angelica"

God Bless you and may this difficult time draw you closer to your husband and our Lord.


#4

[quote="heart4home, post:3, topic:225927"]

"My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.....
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.
-- Mother M. Angelica"

[/quote]

Dear heart4home,

Thank you so much for this. I am comforted to be reminded that our baby will never feel pain and will live in the only Home I know can be more love filled than ours. Please pray for my heart, and for my marriage.

Amy


#5

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I am praying for you.

I'm sure I can't offer any words that will make you feel better, but I can say this: God has His reasons. We don't know what they are, at least not while we're here on Earth, but He has them.

You can also rest assured that your child is in Heaven, with God, praying for you and your husband along-side the Angels and Saints.

Keep praying. The pain will diminish, and your family will persevere in faith. There is hope, even amid the darkness.

God bless you.


#6

I am so sorry for your loss. :hug1: You’ve gotten such great advice already so I don’t have much to add…only that time does help you to heal and naming your baby can help as well. Praying for you. :hug1:

KG

ETA: You will find great support on the thread called “Mommies of Little Saints” under the parenting forum. :hug1:


#7

Thank you for coming here and for sharing your story. I have three living children with me and four children that died in my womb and are home with Jesus.

Miscarriage devastated me, especially the last one. Not that I loved the last one more or anything but the last one carried so much more hope. My ultrasound was wonderful, my bloodwork looked good...everything was going well it was a miracle! Then God called my precious baby home to him.

I cannot describe the feeling but I beleive you have an idea. I still went to Mass but I doubted God a little bit. I still beleived in Jesus but could not feel his love or touch. It was hard.

I wish I had magic words to take away your pain. Please know I offer you all that I can which is praying for you and thinking about you and praying for you some more.

Please take care as best as you can. Jesus loves you so much you are his little girl! Please turn to the Blessed Mother. She too, lost a child, she knows how it is. Take what strength you can knowing that your precious baby is in her arms.


#8

[quote="agriffinpe, post:4, topic:225927"]
Dear heart4home,

Thank you so much for this. I am comforted to be reminded that our baby will never feel pain and will live in the only Home I know can be more love filled than ours. Please pray for my heart, and for my marriage.

Amy

[/quote]

I am so sorry for your loss :(

I know it's not exactly the same, but my Grandmother had 8 children, and lost one when he was 2 years old. She was devastated, could not get out of bed for weeks. Finally, my Grandfather (who was NOT a man to be too introspective) came to her one night in the middle of the night when she was up crying. He said, "Mary, what do you want more than anything for your children?" She said, "I guess for them to be happy." He said, "No, think deeper than that", and she said, "For them to be with Jesus in Heaven, to make it to Heaven". He looked her in the eye and said, "Well, we have one there. Now let's work on the rest." She said she heard God speaking to her through my Grandfather that day and it changed her whole perspective and enabled her to move on.

I believe your baby is with Jesus in Heaven. The greatest thing you could have ever hoped for your child has been accomplished. Perhaps someday you will have other children who you will raise to love Him and who will fulfill their spiritual destiny with Him as well. I know you are heartbroken, but please try to trust in the Lord and know that your baby is in His loving hands forever and that you will see him/her someday in Heaven.


#9

[quote="agriffinpe, post:1, topic:225927"]
First, let me apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post.

My husband and I were married in July of last year. After attending an Engaged Encounter Weekend, we committed to a marriage without artificial contraception. We began using the Creighton model. I am currently in RCIA and was frustrated and felt alone with the lack of support I could find for using NFP and the challenges it presented us as newlyweds.

Three months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was unexpected, but we immediately feel in love with the tiny life God had entrusted us with. We began making plans for me to leave my job and for the arrival of the baby.

Last week, after 13 weeks, the baby's heart stopped beating. The entire process has been devastating. My entire life, and body, has been changed by this baby, and there is no going back.

I am losing faith in God. I can't understand why the choice to trust Him has resulted in so much pain. I can no longer imagine a life without our baby.

Is there hope?

[/quote]

I am sorry for your loss. One thing I have noticed among my other friends who suffered miscarriages of their first and unintended pregnancy was is that God sometimes gives you a little one just to open your heart to the beauty and precious gift that human life is.

My advise is to cling to the Lord even in your lack of trust. Often its that leap in faith that gives us a stronger faith than we've ever had before.


#10

[quote="agriffinpe, post:1, topic:225927"]
First, let me apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post.

My husband and I were married in July of last year. After attending an Engaged Encounter Weekend, we committed to a marriage without artificial contraception. We began using the Creighton model. I am currently in RCIA and was frustrated and felt alone with the lack of support I could find for using NFP and the challenges it presented us as newlyweds.

Three months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was unexpected, but we immediately feel in love with the tiny life God had entrusted us with. We began making plans for me to leave my job and for the arrival of the baby.

Last week, after 13 weeks, the baby's heart stopped beating. The entire process has been devastating. My entire life, and body, has been changed by this baby, and there is no going back.

I am losing faith in God. I can't understand why the choice to trust Him has resulted in so much pain. I can no longer imagine a life without our baby.

Is there hope?

[/quote]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. hugs :console:


#11

[quote="agriffinpe, post:1, topic:225927"]
First, let me apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post.

My husband and I were married in July of last year. After attending an Engaged Encounter Weekend, we committed to a marriage without artificial contraception. We began using the Creighton model. I am currently in RCIA and was frustrated and felt alone with the lack of support I could find for using NFP and the challenges it presented us as newlyweds. Three months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was unexpected, but we immediately feel in love with the tiny life God had entrusted us with. We began making plans for me to leave my job and for the arrival of the baby.

Last week, after 13 weeks, the baby's heart stopped beating. The entire process has been devastating. My entire life, and body, has been changed by this baby, and there is no going back. I am losing faith in God. I can't understand why the choice to trust Him has resulted in so much pain. I can no longer imagine a life without our baby.

Is there hope?

[/quote]

Hi agriffinpe:

My condolences on your loss....I am so sorry. My wife and I are permanently infertile, and we began much as you have (we got pregnant several times, but in each case, the child did not live long enough to be born). We have lost several children, at different stages, and yes, I know what you mean, it is devastating. I don't know if it has caused my wife and I to lose faith in God, but it has certainly made us less trusting, less willing, less grateful, less loving. I am told there is always hope, and I honestly don't understand why your trust (and mine) has led to so much pain. But there are some people on here that appear to have made progress in this...well, more progress than my wife and I ever had in dealing with this. Their stories are quite uplifting in places (and despairing in others). You may already have seen this, but if you haven't, here it is:

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=108039

I and my wife will pray for you.

Jacques


#12

Hello,
I cannot begin to imagine how painful this must be for you and i am so very sorry for your loss. I do not have much to add except i would like to make a suggestion. There is a book called "I will carry you: the scared dance of grief and joy" that tackles this exact situation from a mothers perspective. It is a powerful and loving book that has lessons we can all learn. Alternatively you can read the mothers blog at: audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/01/beginning-of-story.html

Again even though my words may not take away the sting, I am truly sorry.

Stephen


#13

[quote="agriffinpe, post:1, topic:225927"]
First, let me apologize if this is not the correct forum for this post.

My husband and I were married in July of last year. After attending an Engaged Encounter Weekend, we committed to a marriage without artificial contraception. We began using the Creighton model. I am currently in RCIA and was frustrated and felt alone with the lack of support I could find for using NFP and the challenges it presented us as newlyweds.

Three months later, we found out we were pregnant. It was unexpected, but we immediately feel in love with the tiny life God had entrusted us with. We began making plans for me to leave my job and for the arrival of the baby.

Last week, after 13 weeks, the baby's heart stopped beating. The entire process has been devastating. My entire life, and body, has been changed by this baby, and there is no going back.

I am losing faith in God. I can't understand why the choice to trust Him has resulted in so much pain. I can no longer imagine a life without our baby.

Is there hope?

[/quote]

Oh, sweety, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that it must hurt very much to lose a child like this. I would have had an older sibling had my mother not experienced a miscarriage. I have several nieces that have also had miscarriages and even consider in vetro fertilization (Protestant Minister's wife). They chose not to pursue it, and that was a changing point in my life because I investigated the scientific and moral implications that ultimately convinced me (before becoming Catholic) that it was morally evil. Right after she gave up trying to use other means, she started having babies. I think what I'm trying to say is "don't give up on God, He won't give up on you". Hold fast to your trust in Him. There may be some unforeseen reason that only He knows for allowing this to happen.

I'll pray you and your child, as well as your husband. He must feel some loss as well. I feel loss from my brother's aborted baby. But momma's have a special bond.

Prayers for you.


#14

I am sorry for your loss. I've lost babies to miscarriage. Others have said, much better than I, that your precious child - the perfected soul that you opened your marriage to create - is in heaven with our Beloved Lord.

I just wanted to say that I hear your sadness. Even if you know your baby's in the most perfect place imaginable, it hurts that he is not with you.

Have you named him? It can help, if you feel like it's something you should do.


#15

agriffinpe,

This is so sad.

Our first child was born with a severe birth defect and only lived for three years. We found out during the "sonogram from hell" that was just devastating. Thunderstorm rolling through, thunder, lightning, rain, terrible news.

We could not understand how something so "not perfect" could come from our perfect love. We gave ourselves totally to each other, and look what happened.

We loved our son and took care of him at home until he died. It is the greatest thing we have ever done together. That, and swallowing our fear and having more children.

He was born 22 years ago. I think of him every day. But, the true test of faith and love is not producing the child. It's how you deal with your children every day, and how you deal with setbacks and tragedies.

You are now a parent who has lost a child. I am so sorry. But, it's not an exclusive club - most couples have lost children to miscarriage. I don't say that to minimize the pain, but to say that we all feel your pain. Yes, your life is changed. No, God did not do this to you - it just happened. Yes, you can continue to live faithfully and you will have good times and you will have bad times.


#16

I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m praying for you! Remember God makes all things new!


#17

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

There is no easy path from here to okay.

We named our baby Taylor. We visited the cemetery today, but I couldn't stand choosing a space for her.

Please keep our family in your prayers.


#18

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