NFP users-HELP!


#1

I am in the 2 week wait after ovulation and nervous about it. My DH and I are charting and have relied on it for postponing pregnancy for 2 years. It has worked great! Well, because we are sooo good at charting, we have used less and less days of abstinence during the fertile period.

So this is the situation. My DH does nothing with concerns of the charting. When we are about to make love, he asks if it is ok to (aka safe) and I let him know. Well, I thought day 16 was safe, because I had ovulated 2 days earlier on day 14. Well, today my chart shifted to ovulate of 16, the day we BD.

It is my husband that doesn’t want to have a baby yet, and if I end up pregnant, I think he would think I tricked him because this month I really really wanted to during the fertile time-cried and all and he still said no.

I really thought we were safe. Now I am nervous. I don’t want him to think that I tricked him!! Any advice?

fertilityfriend.com/home/1877d4


#2

I’m NOT an expert here as I’m not married yet but I have studied NFP. Aren’t you supposed to abstain until the evening of the 4th day after ovulation? That way you could be certain of the transition to phase III.


#3

BD?


#4

The way I looked at it was I ovulated on day 14 (or so I thought), egg lives 24 hours and then we waited another 48 hours to make love-so in essence 3 days or day 16pm. Well, I guess I oed on day 16 and we made love that night. I am just a bit freaked out. I guess you are probably right just for situations like these.


#5

Even if you got pregnant, surely he won’t blame you. It takes two!


#6

sorry- BD means baby dance. aka make love


#7

but he relies on me to know when is the fertile time and when it is safe. He trusts that I will get it right.


#8

Exactly…

I guess you need to be honest with your husband that you’ve been getting lazy with the rules. Is he aware of this? When you tell him you’re “safe” does he think you’ve followed the rules completely?
It’s just communication…

And in the end… this is why we use NFP, right? Allowing God to have full control? Sometimes He helps us feel comfortable to “break the rules” because He has other plans! :wink:

Good luck… and God bless!


#9

I know this wasn’t part of the original question but… I think it’s wrong for the husband to know nothing about your chart and to take NO responsibility for your conjugal fertility. Especially as he is the one who does not want to have a child right now, it seems to me that he should learn the basics and how to read your chart for himself. This seems like he avoids any responsibility so that when you do fall pregnant, he can blame you. Blame is so unhealthy in a marriage, but especially when it comes to children. They have the right and need to be fully embraced by both parents.


#10

rasmussen,

I can understand your concern. This has happened to me a few times. Few days of nail-biting…

I had to keep my worries to myself - lest I upset my wife unnessesarily.

Here are a few thoughts:

1 - {rule of thumb (I think)} 21 days of elevated temperature since Ovulation indicates pregnancy.

2 - How long is your usual Phase III ? It can fluctuate 2 or 3 days.

3 - STM method says that you should wait “at least” till the 3rd night of elevated temps cross-checked by 4 days of drying. (Rule C) - We usually wait for the 4th night just to be conservative that a second Ovulation or a late ovulation didn’t take place - or an error in charting. - You seem to have this angle covered… you waited an extra 48hrs.

4 - God may have clouded your judgement - or clouded your symptoms because he wants you to have a baby. Who knows ?

Since I (the Husband) do all the charting and interpretation I sincerely do sympathize with your feelings of responsibility { and dare I say dread??}

Let love cast away your fears. Your husband may be upset with you for a time - but NFP never promised 100%. The idea is to avoid conception while still “being open” to life.

5 - You may have misinterpreted your ovulation. - You may have had an extended Phase 2 and Ovulated recently. Do you have anything on your chart that may indicate what looks like this may have happened ? In this case you did a BD during a fertile time - but you may not have conceived - and your Phase 3 will continue smoothly through the next few days.

If you are a member of CCLI - You can send them your chart by FAX and have a counselor help you interpret it.

ccli.org/

6 - For goodness sakes get you DH involved - at least with the final evaluation of when Phase 3 begins. Let him know that you don’t mind doing the daily boring charting - but that you need another opinion for something as important as determining Phase 3. " Two heads are better than One " it seems like this is a lot of pressure and responsibility for you.

You need to explain that you feel pressure when times like this occur. - If he trusts you 100% then he must be willing to accept that he has implicit responsibility to accept any accuracies and inaccuracies that may occur - due to clouded judgement or clouded symptoms.

In short - if he has abdicated his responsibility to help you, then he must share in any of your human weakness in the charting.
We all know that no one is perfect - he knows this.

If you do conceive and he feels tricked then it’s his own fault -
A: for not helping;
B: for not believing you;
C: for not accepting the risk as a shared risk.

May the Lord’s Will be done in your life …

Hope is always there for you

In Christ

Uncleauberon


#11

Ovulation dates as picked by FF are frequently disputed as the software on that site is designed for those trying to conceive. You should be making your own determination of when ovulation happened based on the rules of the method you were taught.

Second, your temperature history is kind of spotty and exceptionally bouncy. If you are going to use temperatures as part of your determination, you really do need to take your temp at the same time every day. I you are even possibly a mouth breather I’d ask you to consider taking your temp vaginally to see if you get a more consistent BBT reading. With the two missed days plus the discarded one, I can see how FF had trouble determining what your coverline was this month until it got more data.

Based on your current and past charts, it looks like your coverline is ~97.3. By most rules, you’d need 2 full days at least .2 above that to be confident you were in phase 3, and you didn’t hit that point until day 18. Similar rules if using a mucus only method.

I’m afraid you are going to have to wait it out. It was at the very end of the fertile time, so who knows.


#12

I sympathize with your situation. I use NFP when my husband would be just as content if I were on the pill. We did end up pregnant this month due to a similar situation. I know that’s not very consoling at this point. My husband is excited now, and I’ll pray that yours will be too if you are pregnant. Just keep in mind that sometimes God has a plan and know better than us. He’ll help you through it. Oh, and I think 18 days of a raised temp is a positive sign of pregnancy. Keep us posted.


#13

Your post brought tears to my eyes because you understand. Thank you for your kind words and your advice.


#14

I think you are right about relying too much on the software. When I was charting on paper, I was probably more conservative, because I had to determine the ovulation day. It showed day 14 and I believed it because I always ovulate on day 14. Now the wait begins.


#15

First off, CONGRATULATIONS!

Second, what was his first reaction. I just as well not be pregnant, but I worry about his reaction. Did you know right away that you miscalculated your ovulation day?

I will let all of you know and keep you posted. Thanks again and maybe if I go back to paper charts, and my DH asks if it is “safe” I will just show him the chart and let him decide for himself :slight_smile:


#16

Thanks for reminding me that God has full control and he may have other plans. I am still scared!!


#17

I could have written this post myself a couple months ago. It’s a toss-up whether you should tell him now or later if you think you might be preggo. My husband had horrible anxiety the whole time we waited and was not very supportive. I was more excited/happy even though now is just NOT the time as far as we’re both concerned. We both realize we have serious reason to avoid, but I want a baby anyway, just not in a desperate sort of way.

I wish I could say we learned our lesson, but we did the same thing this month. :shrug: I’m not telling him this time.


#18

Rasmussen,

My prayers are with you. We are currently expecting #6, and I thought I was doing everything right as far as charting and abstaining. My situation is very similar to yours. When I first suspected I was pregnant, I truly dreaded telling my husband. I knew he was going to freak, and, as I am always the one more “open” to new life, I was afraid he might resent me and think I did it on purpose. He’s not a jerk, but really didn’t want another baby.

When I first told him my suspicions, he got very quiet, and after the pregnancy was confirmed he was quiet for a full week, I’d say. I was worried about it because I knew he was angry and unaccepting, and I felt very sad and alone because I was scared too but also happy. It was awful to not have him to share in that happiness.

But, now we are about 6 weeks away from delivery, and he has come around nicely. IMHO, he still has a ways to go, and I pray for him daily, because I’m not sure he sees our large family as the blessing it is. (Truthfully, neither do I some days!) But, he doesn’t blame me, resent me, and never did as far as I know. (If he did, he kept it to himself.)

I have to remind myself that I did not trick him, I did things “right” as far as NFP, to the best of my ability with no help from him, so I can rest in the assurance that this baby is really a gift from God, and I’m so thankful for her. We have no idea what the future holds, and that’s why NFP is such a great thing. You, as a couple, have some control, but ultimately it’s all up to our great Lord who does know the future, and wants what’s best.

I hope this wasn’t too rambling, but I had to respond after I read your post. I will pray for you and for your husband.


#19

You’re in my prayers…


#20

First off, CONGRATULATIONS!

Second, what was his first reaction. I just as well not be pregnant, but I worry about his reaction. Did you know right away that you miscalculated your ovulation day?

His first reaction was a little suprised, but ok with it at the same time. I knew at the time we had marital relations that I wasn’t sure whether or not I had ovulated. I did actually tell him that at the time. It was kind of like, I’m pretty sure we’re “safe,” but not for certain. So I guess he had somewhat of a warning.

Good luck to you.


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