I had a really disturbing dream which, among other things, involved a physical fight with my father (let me note that, although my father and I have our share of arguments and disagreements, we have a basically good relationship…I am an adult…23). Anyway, I eventually woke up from this dream/nightmare, but I continued ruminating on this whole thing and what would I do in such a situation while I was still laying down in bed.
Now I worry though that did I commit a mortal sin (through thinking hateful/violent thoughts and dishonoring of father) or was I just thinking over a bad dream and what I would do. Things that tend to make me say ‘no’ are:
- I had just woken from this nightmare, so I may not have been in full control of thoughts (once I got out of bed, I was less thinking about the dream itself and what I would do if that happened in reality than more I was concerned about the mortal sin issue)
- I was not intending to act out on these thoughts, more considering what would happen if this kind of thing really occurred (which I really don’t see happening…like I said, my disagreements with my father stay in the verbal mode)
- It seems like it would be very difficult to have full consent on this issue since the dream/nightmare (subconscious and sleeping mind) was the initial issue that caused me to start thinking/ruminating when I woke up
But I am concerned because I worry I dwelled on this issue and one of the thoughts that crossed my mind involved me shooting at my father. A part of me thinks I am being Scrupulous, but a part of me still worries, especially since I am planning on taking Communion today at Daily Mass (obviously, if I think I am in a state of mortal sin, I won’t do so).
I hope no one thinks I am crazy or anything, but since I was young, I have sometimes extremely vivid and–in a sometimes almost surrealistic sense–life-like , yet very weird/disturbing sometimes, dreams and they obviously cause distress and it is hard to forget about them when I wake up sometimes.
EDIT: Obviously, I intend to pray about (asking for forgiveness for inappropriate thoughts) and I will probably say an Act of Contrition before Daily Mass this evening
EDIT 2: Would anyone agree that it seems like it would be difficult to have that kind of a dream and NOT ruminate on it after one woke up?