I was married in the Catholic church 20 years ago to a protestant man. It was our first marriage. We dated for only 3 months before getting engaged since he was from another country which he had to return to since his work visa here had expired. We were very much in love and decided to get marry 3 months after. I visited his homeland and met his family prior to our marriage. His work visa required him to return home and work there before he could return to the US (we had consulted with an immigration attorney who said a green card would not help the cause and that he would have to put in his time abroad so that meant me moving there. Perhaps it would have been more prudent to move to his country to live with him first since we had only known each other for 3 months before he moved back however being a practicing Catholic I chose not to do that and since he appeared to be the man of my dreams we got married 6 months after having first met.
After we were married here in the US, I moved to his country where we lived for several years. Much to my surprise and sadness, he was not the kind, thoughtful man who cherished me that I thought I had married. To the contrary he was emotionally abusive and dysfunctional. I had heard that the adjustment for newlyweds can be difficult and figured it was just that. My Aunt and parents came to visit me and were surprised to to see this change in him. They were sad and concerned for me. I had seen a psychologist for support when there and ended up leaving for a week finding a flat on my own but then he begged me to come back and I did. I eventually moved back to the US. A few years later he joined me. Our marriage has been a constant struggle for me from day 1. I have left him multiple times but he always promised to change, seek help and treat me better so I returned. I have worked with more than 7 psychologists trying to cope with my marriage, have read numerous books and went through the entire Landmark program. He has seen a few of psychologists but never with serious intent - only to appease me. Almost 5 years ago we adopted our only child and I have concerns for her emotional well–being too. This past November we found out that he has Aspergers Syndrome (AS) which explains his anti-relationship behavior and inability to make lasting and deep changes.
I am not the random person who has found someone better or is bored with her marriage – in fact I have always been faithful to my husband but can no longer go on in this lonely and depressed state which I have learned is the typical result of living with an Aspergers spouse. This is an awful disorder that not many folks are aware of. I have read a few books on it and have been learning more and more. It’s typical that the AS spouse exhibits loving, outgoing and charming behavior during courtship until he "hooks’/ marries his spouse then the AS behavior manifests. He definitely had me, my family and friends fooled. Based on my research and my husbands current behavior I believe there is no hope for the change that would need to take place to have what a marriage is suppose to be.
I know the church has no problem in getting divorced and leading separate lives but it would be my hope to receive an annulment and find a loving man to marry eventually. Can someone give me guidance here please letting me know what their thoughts are on the prospects of receiving an annulment. Here is a link to research showing how the Neurotypical spouse (normal person without AS) suffers theneurotypical.com/impacts_deficits_in_NT_March_28_2011.html
I attend mass every Sunday and go to confession 3-4 times per year.
Thank you very much for any guidance!