no communion


#1

hello,
this has happened to me before and I’m pretty upset about it. My 8 year old sometimes decides that she needs to be a royal pain during mass. A constant battle of vying for my attention with her sister usually causes this behavior. So, she got upset because I was looking into my other daughter’s song book. Started elbowing me, snapping mean little comments etc. I told her she shouldn’t go to communion with this behavior and held her back when the time came. I also didn’t go, because she started this while Father was preparing communion- of all times! I couldn’t listen and felt my heart just full of anger. She asked what she had done wrong and I told her. She then apologized after mass. I calmed down but then mass was over and once again, I hadn’t received communion. How can you shut out feelings of anger like that? And do i have to go to confession again now for letting the anger get the better of me? Any ideas?
Thank you


#2

When my daughter acts out of sorts I always remember a line I heard here once…

“I don’t love her like God loves her.”

For me it is humbling and it puts out those anxious flames of anger. I also try ask Mary for help with motherly patience.

By the time your kids are 8 years old you should be able to tune them out and celebrate the Mass. Show them how they should act rather than telling them. Bite your tongue when they act out and pray all the harder.

My daughter has always been a good girl in Church though (she’s 10 now). But when I quit interacting with her and concentrated on the Mass- she’s been quite different in Church. She pays attention, and she opens her heart to the Sacraments unfolding before her.

Good luck to you.


#3

I don’t really know the answer as to whether or not you need to go to confession regarding the anger you have, but I find that if I have a question about if I need confession, the answer is yes.

My father in law had a way of making my two brother in laws behave at Mass. They all went to 7:00 am Sunday Mass each week. If any of the children misbehaved, that child would attend the next Mass with my father in law. That would continue until they behaved through one Mass. According to my brother in laws, they never had to do more than 2 Masses in a row.

I will say that neither of my two boys were problems at Mass, at least on a consistent basis. The last thing my sons wanted was enough attention from my wife or myself that they had to be removed from the Mass, because it was me that took them out and that always resulted in consequences they didn’t like!:wink:

Peace

Tim


#4

[quote=rkberlin]I told her she shouldn’t go to communion with this behavior and held her back when the time came.
[/quote]

Not only did you deny her the sacraments, you also denied them to your daughter. I have ab 8 year old brother. He is not always the best behaved in church, and does some of the things you described, HOWEVER, is it really a reason to deny communion, or just childhood boredom? From what I could tell, it was not a mortal sinon your daughters part.
Let the children come to me- Paraphrase of the greatest man to walk the earth


#5

[quote=rkberlin]hello,
this has happened to me before and I’m pretty upset about it. My 8 year old sometimes decides that she needs to be a royal pain during mass. A constant battle of vying for my attention with her sister usually causes this behavior. So, she got upset because I was looking into my other daughter’s song book. Started elbowing me, snapping mean little comments etc. I told her she shouldn’t go to communion with this behavior and held her back when the time came. I also didn’t go, because she started this while Father was preparing communion- of all times! I couldn’t listen and felt my heart just full of anger. She asked what she had done wrong and I told her. She then apologized after mass. I calmed down but then mass was over and once again, I hadn’t received communion. How can you shut out feelings of anger like that? And do i have to go to confession again now for letting the anger get the better of me? Any ideas?
Thank you
[/quote]

Anger is not a sin. Acting on it is.


#6

well, see, this is my real issue. I don’t want to be the one to judge her to the point of denying her the sacrament ( I obviously make that decision for myself, though ), but elbowing me, hissing at me, and just showing total disrespect towards me and- even worse- the Eucharist. I felt I had to act, and have never before not let her receive communion. She started out the day being disrespectful to me, and I understood that as a breaking of the "Honor thy mother and thy father " commandment. I hope I didn’t do anything bad by holding her back. I just felt that she wasn’t ready to take communion at this point because she was angry and acting meanly. She usually doesn’t do this in mass, I don’t know what made her snap this Sunday. Usually, both the kids snap out of their misbehaving as soon as we step into the church. I will ask Father tomorrow when I see him if I did something wrong, I guess. then I can get in line for the next confession…Thank you all, though, for your advice. i especially liked the asking Mary for help, I will have to concentrate harder on that. Peace!

[quote=Pius X]Not only did you deny her the sacraments, you also denied them to your daughter. I have ab 8 year old brother. He is not always the best behaved in church, and does some of the things you described, HOWEVER, is it really a reason to deny communion, or just childhood boredom? From what I could tell, it was not a mortal sinon your daughters part.
Let the children come to me- Paraphrase of the greatest man to walk the earth
[/quote]


#7

[quote=rkberlin]well, see, this is my real issue. I don’t want to be the one to judge her to the point of denying her the sacrament ( I obviously make that decision for myself, though ), but elbowing me, hissing at me, and just showing total disrespect towards me and- even worse- the Eucharist. I felt I had to act, and have never before not let her receive communion. She started out the day being disrespectful to me, and I understood that as a breaking of the "Honor thy mother and thy father " commandment. I hope I didn’t do anything bad by holding her back. I just felt that she wasn’t ready to take communion at this point because she was angry and acting meanly. She usually doesn’t do this in mass, I don’t know what made her snap this Sunday. Usually, both the kids snap out of their misbehaving as soon as we step into the church. I will ask Father tomorrow when I see him if I did something wrong, I guess. then I can get in line for the next confession…Thank you all, though, for your advice. i especially liked the asking Mary for help, I will have to concentrate harder on that. Peace!
[/quote]

I will probably draw down condemnations on myself for this - but, when my sons were your daughter’s age if they behaved the way you tell us your daughter did, they would have received a sharp slap.

I would not have cared what caused the child to “snap” - bad behavior would get punished.


#8

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.