No friends/loneliness?


#21

I’ve felt similarly to this on and off my entire life.

In high school and college it was bad…I stayed home a lot listening to music. Sort of like Taylor Swift is in that video, “You belong with me.” But at that age I did not have a friend who lived next door to share it with.

I always had a difficult time discerning who was trustworthy…and I had a few bad relationships.

I’m 40 something now…and a stay at home mom.

Even now some days are so lonely…I have three kids, the two big ones go to school, the baby stays home. Those are the days I spend maybe a bit too much time on CAF.

DH and I spend very little quality time together. He has his world (work) I have mine (kids/house).

Sigh…sorry don’t know how to help you or advise you.

:frowning:


#22

[quote="hellosunshine, post:1, topic:237775"]
Anyone else on this board feel like they are just not compatible with the human race? I find it very difficult to make friends and to cultivate friendships. I'm in college and don't really ever hang out with friends or anything. Is this even normal? I don't remember ever having a single really good friend who has stuck around. I feel like I get abandoned a lot and like people don't really like me. Is this normal? And does anyone else feel this way?

[/quote]

This prayer consoled me a lot when I was alone years ago.

Jesus, Friend of a lonely heart, You are my haven, You are my peace. You are my salvation, You are my serenity in moments of struggle and amidst an ocean of doubts. You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life. You are everything to a lonely soul even though it remains silent. You know the weaknesses and You comfort and heal, sparing us sufferings. Amen


#23

I’m just scared and nervous that I’m not normal. Every time I log in to my Facebook page, I see pictures and comments about people having fun with their friends. And I rarely ever go out. I’m talking once in a blue moon. Maybe once or twice a year with different friends. And I don’t drive or have a car or anything, so I don’t evne go places by myself. I feel like everyone else in the world has a group of friends or people they fit in with, and I don’t fit in or belong anywhere. That makes me so depressed. I haven’t kept in touch or hang out with people from high school and grammar school. I feel like people walk in and out of my life.

And now that I’m in college, my loneliness is worse. I don’t go to parties or out clubbing. I don’t dorm, so I just stay at home. My social life before my boyfriend was limited to talking to some people online. Now I go out, but only with him. He is basically my social life.


#24

[quote="hellosunshine, post:23, topic:237775"]
I'm just scared and nervous that I'm not normal. Every time I log in to my Facebook page, I see pictures and comments about people having fun with their friends. And I rarely ever go out. I'm talking once in a blue moon. Maybe once or twice a year with different friends. And I don't drive or have a car or anything, so I don't evne go places by myself. I feel like everyone else in the world has a group of friends or people they fit in with, and I don't fit in or belong anywhere. That makes me so depressed. I haven't kept in touch or hang out with people from high school and grammar school. I feel like people walk in and out of my life.

And now that I'm in college, my loneliness is worse. I don't go to parties or out clubbing. I don't dorm, so I just stay at home. My social life before my boyfriend was limited to talking to some people online. Now I go out, but only with him. He is basically my social life.

[/quote]

Don't use FB as a way to gauge someone else's happiness or life. People only put on FB what they want others to see and thus everything on FB is misleading. You can easily make it look like you are having a great time and are out doing things when really things aren't so good. I also know tons of people who have a great social life and barely ever post things on FB.

I am not sure if you live in a city or how you get to/from college without a car, but try joining a club, volunteer, or join some sort of organization based on interests you have. Maybe do it with your boyfriend. That is a good way to meet people.


#25

This is so true. The people with the fullest social lives aren’t posting on Facebook- they are too busy actually living their lives. The people who wish they did are the ones looking for attention, and posting every little detail of their day. It’s kind of pathetic. Don’t pay attention to it.

You said that you live off campus. Are you a senior? If not, is there a way you could move into a dorm or apartment next year? I think it would be good for you to just throw yourself in there. When living on campus, you’re forced to interact with people you might not have otherwise.

Some people are just homebodies. And that’s ok. I’d much rather be watching a movie than out at a bar. But you don’t make friends that way, so sometimes you have to be willing to go out of your way if you’re lonely. If you’re able to move on campus, I’d say that’s your best bet. Moving away from home can really help. You’ll be around other people all the time and not just in class.


#26

Same here. I was teased without mercy as a kid from 4 old years till I graduated. I was told by one guy in my class the only reason I wasn’t beaten everyday was because I was a girl…gee thanks. :confused: I won’t go into the rest. Things are better these days but I still have no close friends just lots of aquaintences. I’ve never felt like I fit anywhere even in the church. I don’t know what it is about me that people dislike or can’t relate to …maybe my ADHD? I used to be shy but now I just give a sh… anymore people have to take me as I am. I too old to change now. :shrug:


#27

I'm in the same boat. I don't have many "friends" per se. I have some hobbies I participate in, mainly board/card games and there are other guys that attend those things that I interact with, but I don't really have anyone I'd ever want to call on the phone or do something outside of that activity with.

I do have Asperger's and nothing comes naturally socially. I've nearly given up on meeting someone to date because I'm so far off the mark when it comes to conversing that I just don't know how it could happen. In order for me to talk to someone, there needs to be something needing to be talked about. I could be somewhere and see a girl I find attractive and other than a basic greeting like, "Hi". I don't get much further. I don't know what any of her interests are so I can't ask about them. Most of my interests are very particular and "nerdy" so I wouldn't want to just start talking about them. That leaves me at a loss for something to talk about and that's key. Unless there's something worth talking about, there's no point in talking, which makes it very hard to meet and interact with people I don't know.


#28

I feel similarly. So know you're not alone after all- clearly there are many who share your feeling of isolation.:)

I'm 18 now and have been homeschooled since 6, so all my life I've never had any socializing experience. My mother is violently anti-social, so she never took me to join any homeschooling groups where I could meet other Catholic homeschoolers either. Of course, it's hard not to feel sometimes that there must be something wrong with me because I must have such an unappealing personality that I have no friends. Meanwhile, everytime I'm out I am confronted by the sight of all these other teenagers my age hanging out, laughing with their friends. And then I think- oh, I must be a bad person or something...Hah, my thinking gets pretty delusional at times.

I try to resign myself to the fact it will probably be this way all my life. I try to remind myself that God is all I need, but I know I haven't yet reached that stage when my heart is truly into it.


#29

Throughout college I was always surrounded by people. Unfortunately, I always felt alone inside. God blesses each of us with different friends and social situations - just wait and see what His plan is for you. As others on the board have stated FB is a terrible gauge for anything. How many folks out there have 700+ Facebook friends and have no one to hang out with on a Friday night? I’ve been to events where I thought wow this is so lame later finding hundreds of pictures posted from the same event making it look interesting. Enough said!

Just remember you are certainly not alone in your feelings of loneliness. I think the important thing is to find others who share your interests either in a group or reputable place online. Even the folks who look like party animals have times where they sit around at home and think about how alone they are. Remember Jesus is always with you, he is your best friend and savior.


#30

Hellosunshine,

From reading all the responses you have gotten, perhaps you can see that it is perfectly "normal" for many people to feel the way you do.

I would say that you need to cultivate being happy being by yourself. Not because I think you always will be alone, but because you have to be able to be happy with you if you expect anyone else to be happy being with you. You have to like you. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. You need to be able to be alone and not be unhappy about it. Develop your interests, deepen your faith. Don't look for other people to fill your void--you have to do that. And when you are happy with you, it will draw others to you.

Another thing... Are you waiting for friends to ask you to do something or are you ever the one to make the plans? I am way older than you, and to this day, mostly, it is me that arranges to see friends. It isn't that my friends don't like being around me or anything, but I think everyone falls into their own routines and into their own little world. I have them all over for dinner and we have a great time. "We should do this more often..." they say. But no one does. Should I sit and wait for them or wonder why they aren't the ones to do the asking? Nah. It might never happen then. ;) So if you want to have friends, be a friend.

As other people cautioned: beware of anything you read on Facebook. If their lives were so busy and full why do they have so much time to report all their "fun?" And really, some of what people say--is that really what you want to be doing anyway?

College doesn't last forever. College friends often don't either. People do walk in and out of our lives. Learn to enjoy them and treasure them while you can. Some are only meant to be there for a while. The best you can take away from college is the Knowledge you will have gained. May God bless you and guide you.


#31

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