Emotions do not make you more or less morally culpable or morally meritorious. They are largely out of your control. It may help if you do not expect your husband to change his feelings, but only expect him to change his actions and hope that his feelings will come along after in due time.
It is a help to feel remorse when you need to repent, but it is not necessary. You also do not have to think what you don’t think or see what you don’t see. In those cases, though, you do have to choose to trust in what you have heard proclaimed as the word of God and act accordingly.
In other words, the necessary act in seeking contrition and reconciliation is an act of will, not an act of emotion or even an feat of intellect. What is necessary is for your husband to decide to turn away from what he did because it is objectively wrong, to choose what he believes is right over what he feels or thinks he knows.
For instance, if someone has a physical affair, they can feel it is right, they can want it, they can feel no regret for the sin in it, and even “be in love” with the person with whom they were unfaithful. As long as the person does not make the choice to return to and wallow in those emotions, the emotions in themselves are not the sin.
What is important is that the person turns from their sin because they choose to believe that the word of God (not to mention thousands of years of human experience) tells them that infidelity is treacherous and morally repugnant. They do not have to see that. They only have to act as if they did see it.
This makes contrition and reconciliation an act of faith in the law of God.
Also, your husband needs to refrain from speech and actions that hurt you, regardless of what his emotion or intellect may call to him to do. He needs to make the choice in favor of what he believes over the choice in favor of his own preference. This means not talking about something that is going to hurt you. If he needs to talk this over for someone (and he does) it would be best for the two of you to get him to his pastor or to a Catholic counsellor, someone who can guide him in his moral dilemma without being hurt by the very fact that he is having it.
If it helps, I know of a man who left an affair under these very circumstances (except that his wife only suspected his infidelity, rather than knowing for sure). He chose to return to her, to honor the vows he made to her, and to start acting in a way that was faithful, even though he very much wanted to leave her for the other woman and really only had feelings for the other woman. He and his wife both got counselling for the problems in their marriage. The other woman, who had problems of her own, he sent to those who could help her, and then cut off the relationship on the grounds that he was exactly what she didn’t need…from an objective perspective, though, not from what he felt about it.
They are now happily married, and in fact their marriage is stronger than ever before.
If your husband decides to act according to his promises and beliefs, instead of following the whims of his emotions and his personal intellect, this can still come out well. It will require much faith and compassion on both your part and his, but it can work out.