I know if I post that I have no time for my faith people will resond with others (maybe saints) who say the rosary around the clock, or people who get up at 4-5AM to spend some time in prayer etc etc. Others might say it is the most important aspect of your life and you must “make” time for it.
I understand these words of advice/wisdom, I really do. But I feel my work keeps me from spending any real time contimplating my faith. I am simply way too busy either actually working, commuting to work, feverishly worrying about deadlines etc etc. My mind is constantly full of work related, deadline related issues.
I have heard people say the popular saying - “Nobody, on thier deathbed looks back upon thier life and says, I wish I worked more”. Well I agree with this saying, probably more then most. But I also take offense to it. If I do not work as hard/often as I do, I would lose my j ob (this has been proven to me personnaly over this latest economic downturn. I was on the threshold of losing my job but was sparred. If I had heeded the advice of those suggesting my priorities were warped and I worked too much, I’d have lost my job and be in a dire economic situation (with family suffering most). I am not a workaholic, I do it out of necessity ONLY. I’d quit or change careers tomorrow if possible.
I tried saying the rosary during my commute but found it completely impossible to concentrate. Before my company moved I used to take public transportation and read mountains of books about my faith. I haven’t read a book now in a few years. I have a 110 mile round trip communte through a major metropolitan city.
My other responsibilities take what is left of my time. There is still a lawn to cut,a house to maintain, family to spend time with and a wife who desires my time on weekends for social activity.
I minute or two before I go to sleep, a moment throughout the day is the best I can find for any prayer. And I feel it is artifiicial, sort of a obligatory farse and certainly recognized as such by our Lord.
I read many posts where people go to daily mass, recite a daily rosasary, read spiritual books. I can only wish I could do these things.
Anybody else feel this way? I am 52 and wish I were 65 such that I could have at least a little time to contimplate Gods creation and spend time with him. I am wishing my life away.