No time for studies


#1

Five years ago I dropped out of college to have children & get married. The last 2 years I have thought about returning to college to finish my degree. Well I finally enrolled and even got enough grant money to pay for a couple of semesters I returned at a very slowww pace only taking two online courses - now I cant find any time in my schedule to commit to my studies… In my mind I really pictured having moments thru out the day to get my assignments done. My husband works long hours M thru F and I work every weekend 12 hour shifts.

I guess I didnt realize how much of myself I give to my family… I really thought I would have a few hours a day to do something for myself. In a way Im glad it didnt work out. I would rather give my children my time and energy than anything else in the world. I am coming to terms with my decision to put this on the back burner or perhaps for once in my life try to accept myself and not think I have to have a degree to be someone. Im not 100% sure I wanted to return to school after having children. I am one of those people who has to at least give it a try or I will always wonder what if??? :shrug:


#2

Lord knows I’ve been there, and am still doing that. I’m working on a doctorate online and have a four-year-old son. I did find time the first year of my courses, but haven’t yet been able to make things work this semester (which started a week ago). I wake up early to get a couple hours in before I go to work. Well, my alarm goes off early anyway.

The only reason I’m still in this program is because I believe God will use it for His plan in His time.

While your children are small, they really do need every moment you can give them. Enjoy it while it lasts, and go back to school when they are a bit older.

Gertie


#3

Gertie - Thank you for your reply to my post. It is a relief to hear you say those words to me. Its what I have wanted to hear for so long.

***[size=][size=][size=]“While your children are small, they really do need every moment you can give them. Enjoy it while it lasts, and go back to school when they are a bit older.”[/size][/size]***[/size]

My husband and friends are pushing me to finish up my degree. Even after telling my husband I couldnt do it & be a full time mom, he told me to not give up. Well I guess I gave up - but I got something greater in return - Time with my kids :thumbsup:


#4

Hmm, I had a vaguely similar problem - but forgive me for comparing my situation to yours, because the family that keeps me so busy consists of my mother, and her/our ten cats (many of whom have health problems). It’s similar in that it’s a home life that demands a lot of attention. :wink:

Still, I managed to get through the 42 courses for my Computer Science diploma while working full time, and I found it was a lot easier to actually ATTEND classes than it was to do them online. When you’re home, your family expects your attention; the 3 or so hours you spend at class DOES end up being yours because you’re not at home. I know it’s absolutely brutal to try to allocate three hours to yourself in a night if you’re at home, because it just doesn’t make sense to the people (and cats) you love that you need those three hours to yourself!

So don’t despair, but do realize that there’s a good chance it’s harder for you to do the courses from home than it would be to do one or two courses a week at university/college/whatever.

And go easy on yourself … it took me over ten years to get that diploma. :wink:


#5

I agree with silentdeb. I’m currently trying to complete my bachelors at a local university. I attend one night a week for 4 hours, and my off time is spend squeezing in the couple of hours I need a night to study.

BUT…I’m doing this now because my children are older, my husband has an early work schedule (I work later than him). We both put in full-time hours. I’ve had other opportunities in the past to go back to school, but the kids were so much younger, so I was only able to last a semester or two.

I’m near my mid-40s, and sometimes when I look at my age and think, “I should’ve done this earlier” I instantly look to my dad for inspiration. He went back to school at the age of 38 (yes, us kids were older then)…and he managed not only completely 1 degree, but 5! It’s never too late - and he managed to use his degrees in his career.

Enjoy your children…they don’t stay small for very long!

God Bless!


#6

Katesmom, it’s not giving up if you wait until the time is right to finish your studies. I’m doing a master’s degree online now, and I have no idea how I’d do it if I had kids. I’m balancing a job, a degree, and a boyfriend, and that’s enough for me. I have to wake up two hours earlier every morning to do this, even though I seemed to have enough free time before I started.

The very reason I did it now is that I knew I couldn’t manage it with kids. My mom went through it, and told me never to try to go back to school with little kids at home. I admire you for what you’re getting done already, so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do one more thing just yet. Way to go! :thumbsup:


#7

My mom went back to school when my older brother was 12, I was 10, and my younger brother was 7. It took up most of her time, and a few times we were left in afternoon daycare until my dad got off of work. However, I think that it was very good timing on her part. We were young enough to enjoy playing with friends in daycare, and old enough to be proud of mommy when she graduated! I think if we were any younger when she had done this, she would now regret it immensely–every time we visit from college, she reminisces about when we were little! I would hate to think of any mother not having those times. When she went back to school, we were at an age where we could make ourselves after school snacks, entertain each other, and not accidentally kill ourselves while she studied.

In short, though I’m not a mother (nor will I ever be, I’m…er…genderly challenged), I agree with above posters who say to spend time with your kids when they are young, and return to your studies later in life, when the older child(ren) can take care of the younger one(s) while you study.

God bless :slight_smile:


#8

I guess I’m a little prejudice by my own upbringing. My mom went back to work pt as a LPN when I was six. She worked nights. Then she went back to get her RN associates degree. It took her five years, and she graduated first in her program.

But…she was either working, sleeping or studying during those five years. Even though my grandma lived with us and did all the housekeeping and cooking, I remember being very lonely.

Sometimes I get caught up in the “idea” of working or even going to graduate school, but I couldn’t do it. I am not sure I’d even do it when my kids are grown. I remember how much I needed the support and practical help of my mom when I first had kids. I want to be available for that service.

My sister fared worse than I did. Not long after mom started school, my sister started drifting off track. I think my sister would have had adolescent problems even if my mom was available, but I think things would have been better. Plus, the extra money was nice, but it created its own problems. Mom and Dad had the money to rescue us from our own mistakes. And, they did. Now, my sister and brother are not self supporting (yes, my parents are still partially supporting them). And, I think my lack of resourcefulness made it harder on my marriage in the beginning.

My mom herself now says that going back to school was a mistake.

You are doing the right thing. Be there for your kids. :thumbsup:

I have a B.S. And, if I had to go back and do it over-- I think I’d have skipped going to school and done something else with that time. I’ve noticed that my friends without degrees do feel like they are second class citizens, but it’s a false insecurity. There was nothing in my college education that I use right now that I couldn’t have learned on my own from a good reading program.

I wish I hadn’t have gone to college. :slight_smile:


#9

I just dropped my one online class (I have an Americorps grant that will expire in a little over a year and I felt it would be a waste to pass up the opportunity). I too cannot go to a class during the week due to my work schedule, adoration schedule, exercise schedule and family responsibilities. So I figured I’d take an online class. However, that same class required my attention daily (where I only have Fridays and Saturdays to do any reading and homework) with the required online discussions about topics. If I worked in an office I could manage that, but I work in a daycare and well, I can’t even take the time to read the material to contribute to discussions. I do feel as if I’m a quitter, however, I have to remember that I have a daughter to raise and a mother to help. I have recently decided to wake up while everyone else is asleep and work out at the gym (Something that is a NEED not a WANT (like a MBA)). I realized to have quality, I can’t have it all, I must prioritize and sacrifice and live with my choices without regret. I know if I were to pursue my MBA now that I WOULD have regrets no matter how much I desire to challenge my analytical side of my brain.


#10

Thanks everyone for your replies. The day after I posted this, I dropped my classes & returned my books. I had a short time-frame to make my decision (ya know colleges have drop by dates to avoid being charged)

Anyway, I am really happy that I decided to drop my classes. The past few days I have had a really nice time playing with my kids & being here for them. Im not stressed & they can tell!

I will need to pray & ask God to help me with this matter. I honestly think I am pursuing college cuz it gives me something to do for myself (a hobby- a very expensive hobby). I need a new outlet cuz college is not the answer - at least not for me! I am starting to realize that! :confused:


#11

Good for you, dear! It took courage to make that decision, and I’m proud of you! :hug3:


#12

I would say when you think you might be interested, but still unsure try taking any class you think might interest you. You may feel some stress initially, but if your heart is in it, you’ll know it. Otherwise going back until then may not be the best thing to do.

The nice thing about going back after having lived a bit is that you can really take it more seriously. Your children are still a bit young. Maybe once they get older, it’ll seem like a better time. Once you really start to see them explore the world, having that time back at school can help you, help them.


#13

Pat on the back for you, katesmom!

My husband is a professional adjunct. He is a philosophy instructor, and teaches Intro, Ethics and Humanities for everybody from University of Phoenix to ITT-Tech. While it is easier to take an online class in your bathrobe and bunny slippers, a good school’s online offerings will be just as rigorous as attending class on ground.

God will give you the time.


#14

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