No visit from parish priest


#1

Not sure if this is in the correct forum.

My father died on sunday, and although the priest performed the annointing of the sick, he has not come out to see my myself, my mother and sisters.

When I phoned him to tell him the news, he was out and he phoned me the next day, offered his condolences and said he’d see us at the funeral.

I phoned him back and asked to see him at his office as I would like to discuss the readings, but really I would like some sort of comfort as I have lossed a loved one.

Our parish is small and I only live around the corner from the church.

I always thought a priest came to the house in troubled times, or am I stuck in the past:confused:


#2

I am sorry to hear of your loss. May your father rest in peace.

How many priests do you have in your parish? If it is only one, well, he is probably doing the work of ten men. Even in a small parish, there is a good deal to be done, and if he is the only one to do it, well, that means he is not afforded the luxury of a good many home visits.

If you have any permanent deacons or a liturgist, one of them will be the ones to help you with readings and hymns.


#3

I’m sorry you lost your father, but hopefully he is rejoicing in Heaven right now. :slight_smile:

I think priests are more busy than we give them credit for. I’m not saying he shouldn’t give you some time, but perhaps he’s been busy visiting other sick/dying people, shut-ins, or counseling engaged couples, working on religious education issues or parish concerns, or working on things we often forget about, like making sure the physical church is OK (taking care of maintenance issues, etc.). If you tell him you would like some conversation and counseling during this time of grieving, I’m sure he’d set aside some time for you – perhaps he just didn’t realize what you want/need. :rolleyes:

Best wishes, and I’ll remember your father in my chaplet of Divine Mercy today. God bless. :crossrc:


#4

Hi,

My priest belongs to a friary, to which the church is built on to.

There is one parish priest and assistant priest, and there are a further 3 priests at the friary.

So in totall there are 5 priests.


#5

That being the case, I suggest you make it known you would like him to stop by the house. If you just want a priest, call the friary and ask a priest to stop by.

They might be trying to give you privacy in your grief.


#6

I’m so sorry about your father pious. I don’t understand why the priest wouldn’t come by the house. That seems odd to me as well. If it’s a small parish I see no reason why he couldn’t have stopped by. :shrug:

You have my prayers of healing and comfort Pious. I know how you feel, I lost my father years ago.


#7

Our priest doesn’t show up to anyone’s house uninvited, even when there is a death. He’s more than happy to go to the home if it’s requested but he won’t impose his presence.


#8

My mother’s funeral was this past Saturday. The vigil and funeral were held at her parish. (I live 100 miles away.) Perhaps things would have been different if I were also a parishioner there, but I doubt it. Mostly I found out just how little some parishes offer their parishioners.

Their first rule is that if you have a funeral Mass Monday through Friday, it takes place at the 8:30 daily Mass. Period. No other times are available. Frankly I think it would be strange to be a daily Mass goer and have a funeral show up every now and then. And it’s not terribly convenient if people are coming from out of the area. My friends from home who came to the funeral would have had to leave at 5:30am to get there in time and allow for traffic. Fortunately if you have the Mass on a Saturday you have a choice of times which is what we did.

Despite the fact that the parish has three priests and two deacons, they didn’t have anyone available for the vigil. They did offer to send an EMHC to lead a rosary, but that’s it. I worked around that and we had a beautiful vigil service.

And I didn’t get a single call from any of the priests or deacons to express sympathy or offer to help in any way.

My own pastor called several times between my mother’s death and funeral to see how I was doing, ask if I needed any help, assure me of his prayers, etc.

I guess the short answer is that just as different people react differently to the news of a death – some offering sincere condolences while others are completely tongue tied – I think different parishes are the same way.


#9

Ours either. The day of the pastor or curates making unannounced “house calls” are well over in this day of cell phones, voice mail, and email.


#10

#11

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I don’t think there is a good excuse for this. I see a few people making excuses. A priest should always offer to stop by and ask what is a good time. This is a small parish so it’s not like he can’t do it. :shrug:


#12

I am very saddened to hear of your loss. My father passed away in October. In my case, the Archbishop had called a convocation of every priest in the entire archdiocese on that day and the meeting was about 100 miles away. I had great difficulty in getting a priest just to anoint him. But my favorite priest and good friend had been having “one of those days” and was running very late. He was just leaving when he learned of my father and he rushed over.

Priests are human. I think sometimes it is difficult for people to really understand the pain that some go through during this very difficult time. I can only suggest that you persist in trying to get some time with your priest.

May God have mercy on your father. May God grant you His peace.


#13

Pious, my condolences on your lose. I can relate to your dillema. When my grandmother was in the final stages of life, my folks called their parish priest several times during the week and left several messages requesting that he contact them asap b/c grandma needed last rites.

Days went by, no call. My sister called for them as my grandma got worse. She reached Father J at 10 pm on Friday night and told him that he was needed for last rites immediately seeing as she was fading. He told her that he’d stop by the next day & that my grandma would be fine until then. Well, my sister was livid. She told him that only God decides when it’s time to go,not him, and that my mom left several messages for him re:last rites during the week and he never called back. Then come to find out, he was suppose to give grandma monthly communion at the house which he never did.

Before Monsignor was promoted, he would always come to the house and give communion, pray w/her, and give her cards that the parish school children made her. After he left, the new priest was suppose to take over all of Monsignor’s duties including visiting the sick. Well, that’s not his thing. He’d rather spend $$$ on things they don’t need. (won’t get into that)

Anyway, she told him that my folks are expecting him.He arrived at my parents’ home in sweats and very irked that he was bothered. The next day, my grandma went home to be with the Lord. At the wake Father J showed up for 10 minutes to express his condolences and left. The Hospice minister led the prayers and spent more time with my family & grandma than him over the last few months of her precious life.

The kicker to this was a month later, my mom gets a call from the parish secretary asking her when would be a good time for Father J to come over to give my grandma communion.


#14

Thank you all for your replies.

My parish is very small, and whilst I probably agree that the parish priest has many duties to contend with, he could have offered to call around, even for a couple of minutes.

I know these priests on a personnal level as I used to be their cook, not that it should mean I get favoured treatment.

I had a knock on the door yesterday and a lady Anglican Curate stood there and said that she had heared of my fathers death and offered her support and prayers.

My own parish who knew my father have not been to the house, yet an Anglican minister who did not know of my father took time from visiting the sick of her parish to call around.

I am not angry with my parish, more dissapointed than anything.

I know they are only human, but if I can not count on them in a time of need, who can I count on.

well I’m going to see the priest this morning to discuss the hymns & readings; we have choosen:

Entrance: On a Hill Far Away (The Old Rugged Cross)

Offertry: Do Not be Afraid

Communion: Make Me a Channel of Your Peace (Prayer of St. Francis)

Final: Here I am Lord.

Also at appropriate times, my cousin who will be playing the organ will play instrumental Welsh & Irish Hymns.

I would have loved Latin hymns, but not very many can sing latin, and the last time we had a church with different denomination attending, it made a beautiful latin song sound like an annoyed cat.

The reading’s are:

Ecclesiasties: 3: 1-11
1 John: 3: 1-2

Gospel: John: 11: 21-27

Psalm: 23

And hopefully the priest will discuss other aspects of the Mass and may recommend changes.


#15

That is so sad (that the priests no longer make home visits). I’ve never needed one (as of yet) in grief, but a protestant pastor is a good friend of ours and he goes to the hospital for every minor thing in his congregation’s life to pray with them (even tonsils out!!) and their families!! I wish more priests did this. :frowning:


#16

Many prayers.

Note to Chronie4 - in all of the Parishes where I have been, Communion to the homebound is brought by EMHCs who are specially trained and commissinoed for this. The Parish Priest is simply spread too thin.

It is very interesting that your Parish does not have EMHCs for this purpose? This seems like a place they are sorely needed.


#17

#18

I’d give you a hug myself if I could. Many parishes due to the size or lack of priests include a bereavement committee person who will connect with you.

In smaller parishes, many times the readings are selected with the help of the undertaker if you ask him. Or he offers.

There’s no easy reply, here. Grief is important. Support is necessary. Know that you are in my prayers. Eternal rest grant unto your parent Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon Him. May He rest in peace. Amen.


closed #19

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