As of spring I’ll have been (unhappily) single for six years and it’s really taking a toll on me. As college winds down and my other Catholic friends are either prepping for marriage or likely to get married soon after I find myself single and alone and depressed because of it.
What bothers me is that I continually try to get women to consider me as a potential mate but I get turned down or ignored or I get the very common “Well you’re a nice guy but [insert excuse here]” line. It seems that women have no problem having me as a friend but never want anything more than that.
What also bothers me is my “lack of magnetism” as I see it. Some guys are so magnetic and likable that women flock to them the moment they want into a room - and I am certainly not that guy. If anything I’d be the guy sitting in a corner being ignored or the guy who was chatting with some lady only for her to abandon me for the magnetic guy that just walked into the room. Sometimes it seems that I’m more of an annoyance to people rather than being a welcome guest.
It really saddens me that I can’t find anyone or that nobody is interested in me. I do want to marry, share my life and love with someone, create a family, and yet nobody wants my gift. They’d rather pass me up and accept the gift from somebody else. I try to console myself by remembering that perhaps I need more spiritual formation or I need to grow closer to Christ or something…but I’m still left with the depressing reality that I am unwanted and undesired. What’s so bad about me? What’s so bad about the gifts I want to share with others? Are they not good enough or something?
I mean, yes, I have a strange, weird, and (as friends state) sometimes creepy personality and sense of humor but that’s who I am. And yes I understand I’m not the most terribly attractive individual but are looks so important to women that they would turn a guy down solely on those grounds? What is especially bothersome for me right now is this girl I really like but who I feel (and others feel also) isn’t terribly interested in me. She wants what I want: to get married young and start a young family. And yet, according to friends, she’s running around chasing all these guys while here I am, ready to go, waiting for her to turn and look. And yet she’s not…
So I don’t know what to do. It’s hard to be positive about anything since I tend towards pessimism but I don’t foresee any relief anytime soon if at all.