Non-Catholic 12 yr old refused Baptism

Hi, just wondering if it’s normal for a non-Catholic 12 yr old child of a Baptized/Confirmed Catholic to be refused participation in Sunday School/RCIC & Baptism because the non-custodial parent is a non-Catholic, doesn’t want it?

Doesn’t it matter that the 12 yr old has wanted it for 7 yrs and the custodial & Catholic parent agrees?

That’s a problem without the consent of a parent. The aspect of a parent not being Catholic only complicates the procedure, even once everyone agrees.

I don’t know about normal. I’ve ran into everything but normal with dysfunctional families, mixed religious belief and so forth. Its counseling. The procedure of the Church isn’t as easy as some might imagine.

It sounds like a complicated situation. Did the Catholic parent speak with the pastor? What advice did he give?

I find that as a flaw in church policy my daughters father hasn{t been involved since birth yet the parish in the united states refused her first communion prep but they allowed me to baptize her as a baby? I had to actually go around the DRE and talk to the pastor to get the authorization turns out he handled it on a case basis for me maybe your pastor could as well

Is it the priest that is refusing or your DRE? If possible you can always go to the diocese or another parish.

This 12 year old has already received the Baptism of Desire. Worst case scenario is that he/she will have to wait another six years until the age of majority is reached.

I would think it’s extremely unusual for any child to be refused Sunday school. Does the non-custodial parent have a specific legal judgement regarding the child’s religion? Perhaps the parents agreed to raise the child in a certain religion when they were married and that is noted in the custody arrangement? The non-custodial parent might have made the parish aware of this? It is my understanding that only one parent has to be in agreement in order for there to be a Baptism, but I don’t know what the rule is if the other parent is vocally opposed.

PS- In most states, there is a difference between physical custody and legal custody. A parent may not have primary phyical custody while sharing equal legal custody, and therefore he or she can legally prevent the other parent from making changes to the child’s religion.

With confirmation around the corner at age 13, does one need parental permission for that since confirmation was presented as a choice by the person getting confirmed? If at age 13 one can choose confirmation, would baptism be the same at age 13? There are too many details missing here to give a correct and fair answer.

You can easily do this at home with the following steps
Step 1. Get some holy water, you can ask the leader of the church for some holy water
Step 2. Put the kid in the bathtub
Step 3. Pour all the holy water on his head
If you followed all the steps, the kid should now be baptized
congratulations

Lay people are not allowed to perform Baptism except in situations where the person’s life is in dnager. If they do, they have to report the Baptism to the diocese at the earliest opportunity. You also forgot the crucial step where you say, “I Baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

There’s no requirement that the water be holy water.

One cannot be confirmed prior to Baptism. Confirmation is a strengthening of the Holy Spirit received in Baptism. And just because the Church allows a young teen to make this decision does not mean it is legal to supersede the parents wishes.

Just a side line, concerning a 13 year old person’s “choice”, the sacrament of Confirmation has been misunderstood and is still being taught erroneously by many Confirmation teachers as the person’s statement of faith first and foremost, much as many Protestant traditions treat Baptism. “It’s your choice and your decision to affirm yourself as a Catholic.” That seems to be the focus and it drives me crazy. In the Eastern Churches infants receive all the sacraments of initiation at the same time, which includes Confirmation. They obviously are not making a statement of faith at all, yet they receive the graces of the sacrament. The age of one being confirmed is subject to change at any time and I have heard talk in my own diocese that it may be changed to coincide with first communion. I’m all for it. Maybe then we can focus on the gifts of the Holy Spirit one receives, which is the true purpose of the sacrament.

Sorry for the rambling… just one of my pet peeves.

Yes, the custodial Catholic parent spoke with the pastor and he told her that her daughter may not participate in Sunday School, RCIC nor be Baptized unless the non-custodial non-Catholic parent meets with him & provides consent.

The non-custodial parent has no legal judgement or rights at all given by the courts. The parents were never married and have never been to court. The custodial parent has had & maintained full custody since getting pregnant, but does permit over visits with the non-custodial parent & his family, this extended family have been consistently actively pushing the child towards Buddhism.

Here’s the Canon Law.

vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P2X.HTM

As far as one or two parent consent, I have seen both required in a very similar situation. Its difficult to know what the Priest is thinking.

Not a problem, my line of thinking is if the baptism could be done right before 1st communion and confirmation. The child would also have to be baptized, then receive 1st communion then confirmation. Details are very scant here and it’s hard to know more without better details.

I’m not a canon lawyer, but this doesn’t sound right to me. The parent may want to contact the St. Joseph Foundation – stjosephcanonlaw.com/ The organization helps people with their rights under canon law.

That’s precisely what happens in RCIA, which based on the child’s age is the appropriate way to go. The difference is the proper order of the sacraments – baptism, followed by confirmation, followed by the eucharist.

I totally know that. There is a lot of missing information here and OP isn’t too clear if this is her or someone else. I don’t think anyone can comment fairly without the whole story.

But if they got married in the Church wasn’t this agreed upon then. Or did they not get married in the Church?:confused:

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