Hi. So my boyfriend and I met at university and have been going out for 6months now. I am a Catholic, he isn’t any religion though he was baptised a Catholic. He isn’t an atheist and believes in a God. He was adopted and went through a rough adolescence/early adulthood. Anyways he is 30 and I am 23. He is doing a PHD and I’m still not sure what I am doing. We are looking for jobs which is proving to be very difficult. Anyways when I first started going out with him, we were very different and I am surprised we are still together. He wasn’t even sure he ever wanted to get married. He had girlfriends of 2yrs + and lived with one before and never asked any of them to marry him. He didn’t think he would want to have kids. I am not a virgin and unfortunately, we had sex. I fell pregnant. It was the most stressful time of my life. I didnt know how he would react or if he was fine with abortion. When I told him, he said that he was against abortion. I don’t know why since he is secular. He said even if I wanted an abortion, he would have a hard time accepting that decision. That was a relief and suprise and we decided of course to have the baby (I wouldve had the baby regardless of his opinion). Sadly, I had a miscarriage. He was very upset. We fought a lot during this time as we were both very wounded and I expected a lot from him to comfort me but it was hard for him with all the pain he was experiencing from the loss. Anyways, a month ago, he mentioned that he wanted to marry me, that he had found the right person. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as he wasn’t even sure he would/wanted to ever get married. Now all of a sudden he was proposing. I said I could see this happening but needed more time. He wants to get engaged in a year. Anyways, we were still having sex and I have been feeling anxious about it. I said I needed to stop sex to clear my head. I decided that I’d like to wait until marriage but feel selfish as I didnt say this to him before we had sex and it would be an abrupt change for a man who doesn’t abstain due to Christian beliefs and has had sex before. He was a bit annoyed when I told him, saying it will be very hard but if it’s what I have to do he will wait and try his best to. So now we’re not having sex. In short, this is the most amount of compromising he has ever done in a relationship. He isn’t cohabitating. He changed his whole future plans to be with me (was supposed to live in a different city and do a masters not a PHD, long story), he is now wanting to get married and said he wants to have kids with me, and though not too happy about it, is not having sex. Anyways my questions are:
- Can people change? Can Catholics and non-Catholics make marriages work? Can non-Catholics ever ‘meet’ God via their spouse/wife? I’m not forcing my beliefs on him or making him convert, it’s all up to him.
- I am praying so hard to God to reveal whether this is the future spouse for me even though its only been 6months. At times I feel yes and other times I’m not so sure yet. I feel as if God is giving me no answer. Why? Will he?
- We have no money to get married. Still have study to do. My parents have said to always get married to a well established man and to have a career, full time job and deposit on a house down pat. He doesnt have anything as he has rented from the age of 19. If so, we won’t be able to get married for ages. Can a marriage work if two parties are both students? Or is it best to wait until the living circumstances are better. It would be hard to not be intimate for years and years on end. I think I am ready to get married as I am a forgiving and sacrificial person but the finances get in the way.