Non-Catholic has trouble with Catholic college roommate

Sorry for the long post. Maybe someone can help me?

I’m not Catholic (but still Christian), but my college roommate is (right down to the crucifix on the wall of our dorm room). We’re both freshmen and have spent the last eight weeks enrolled in summer courses (we’re part of an accelerated program that cuts off a year of undergrad studies).

Here’s the problem:

Eight weeks ago, my parents accompanied me to orientation day and helped move me in. My parents are lesbians and I am not ashamed of them. Though I am adopted, I consider them to be my only parents. As soon as she met them, my roommate suddenly became rude and belligerent and referred to them using vulgar terms, while referring to other students’ parents as Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so.

The past eight weeks, my roommate and her friends have made my life miserable. They’ve broken into my desk using a hammer and smashed my laptop. I walked into the room and caught them using a cigarette lighter to burn my homework. They shrugged it off, saying it was what I deserved for having gay parents. Security cameras caught them scratching my car doors with keys and, though I filed a police report, nothing was done and they weren’t not made to pay for the damages.

I’ve talked to the administrators and they’ve told me emphatically several times that I’m stuck with her for the rest of the year, so we “just have to work it out.” The dorms are full and freshman are not only required to live on campus, but are all confined to one dorm. I will not drop out because of her, but I’m afraid of the effect she might have on my mental health and grades.
I know Catholics are against homosexuals, but I don’t think that is enough to warrant the actions of these girls. I’m trying to get to “know” my enemy, so to speak. What can I do?? Any advice??

From my experience, most colleges understand roommate incompatibility and are willing to make some steps to reassign you. Maybe you can live in supplemental dorm housing until school starts this fall, and other people start having trouble with their roomates or drop out.

On a larger scale, if the administration is that hard to work with on simple matters, maybe you should consider a different college.

You don’t need the added pressure of harrassment on top of the rigorous learning schedule of an accellerated plan.

Wow, Mindy. I hate to say it, but if the parents of your roommate are like a lot of the people on this forum, you’re in for a tough ride. There’s a thread on Family Life about a family party with a homosexual relative, and it may make your skin crawl. There’s another thread on the child of lesbian parents who was rejected from Catholic school in Oregon.

However, not everyone (and not ALL Catholics) are like the most hardcore individuals here. On both threads, I found kind and generous people who would not behave the way your roommate is behaving.

I don’t know what kind of college you’re in, but I’m a college professor, and I would really recommend finding SOMEONE more effective than those administrators you mentioned to talk to! In my school, I’d send students in your situation to a dean, or to an advisor. I’d also check to see if there’s a counseling service. Or even a sexual harassment program (I realize that this isn’t sexual harassment the way they probably think of it, but they might be able to find the right person for you to speak with).

Your roommate’s behavior is intolerable, and should not be tolerated. I wish you good luck, and I hope you’ll report back with how you’ve managed to solve the issue.



Your roomate’s actions are contrary to Church teaching. The following paragraphs from the Catechism of the Catholic Church should help you understand the Catholic view of homosexuality:

Chastity and homosexuality
2357. Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who
experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of
the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries
and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely
unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual
acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that
"homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to
the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do
not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no
circumstances can they be approved.
2358. The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual
tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively
disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.". They must be accepted
with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust
discrimination in their regard should be avoided.
These persons are called
to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite
to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter
from their condition.

  2359. Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of 
  self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of 
  disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and 
  should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

Your roomate surely isn’t behaving in a Christian manner. Unfortunately, when we get the rights and wrongs of morality, sometimes people use it as an excuse to act very sinfully toward the people. The church, nor any Catholic, is able to condone the lifestyle of homosexual relationships. However, we are to act with love and charity toward those who do. Clearly, this is not the case with your Catholic roomate. Please do not view her actions as those represented by the church.

Now I would like to address your situation with the university you are at. I work in the student services division where housing is at here where I go to school. We work with people who do not have healthy living environments to change rooms every year. It is important for you to understand that the situation you are in is not your fault, and it is not healthy for you to live in it. The actions of your roomate and her friends are illegal, and can and should be dealt with by your local authorities. Theft, vandalism, and destruction of property, are all crimes that are not dealt with by campus police. If your university fails to recognize your situation as unhealthy, I highly reccomend leaving, or appealing your case to a higher authority in your university such as the president.
I am deeply sorry that you are having such problems with your roomate. Get out of it as soon as possible, as I personally know someone who had a terrible, unhealthy situation our freshman year, and she now recognizes that staying with her roomate was a VERY bad idea.
We will all be praying for you.
God Bless,


[quote=Mindy Mae]Sorry for the long post. Maybe someone can help me?

I’m not Catholic (but still Christian), but my college roommate is (right down to the crucifix on the wall of our dorm room). We’re both freshmen and have spent the last eight weeks enrolled in summer courses (we’re part of an accelerated program that cuts off a year of undergrad studies).


I am very sorry to hear about the way you have been treated.

To me, the fact that your roommate is Catholic is not relevant. Your problem is that she and her friends are rude, insensitive jerks. And if they are destroying your property then they are criminals as well.

Did you file a report with your campus police or with the police department of the city where your college is located? It might make a difference. If the school is unwilling to defend you against someone who is harming you and/or your property then I have to agree with the previous poster who said that this may not be the best of schools.

Some schools may allow you to trade roommates if you make the arrangements yourselves. I can’t imagine that many students, including the Catholic ones, would want to live with this person but maybe one of her friends has a roommate who would be equally happy to be free from this bunch.

I am so sorry to hear about this problem. Obviously, they do not live out their Catholic faith as Christ has commanded us. I only wish apologies from me could make up for the hurt these girls have caused you. They will be judged according to what they have dished out! Hopefully, God with soften their hardened hearts - and FAST!

If I were you, seeing that you have received no help from anyone you’ve talked to so far, I’d make an appointment with the dean and go through the events that have transpired. Maybe the dean would be in a better position to stop these things, whether it be to move you or move your roommate. At least he would be aware of what’s been going on.

If all else fails, I’d consider moving to another college - if that’s at all possible. I realize this would probably cause more problems but do you really want to stay at an institution that encourages that kind of social behavior?

I wish you luck in whatever you decide and I will pray that your situation will be resolved.

Don’t let your roommate make you think that her actions are in the interest of catholics, because they aren’t. She seems like she is very off-her-rocker. I’d keep filing those police reports. You may have to do it until they get sick of seeing them and come to investigate but if that is what you have to do…do it. Personally, i would keep all my valuble possessions on me at all times. especially if you get another labtop. It may be an inconvienince but it’s worth it.

I know what you are going through. I had a similar situation with an athiest, bigot, room mate last year. He cut my internet cable the week of exams (half my exams were on-line) claiming that I hadn’t paid the bill (which I had). He also charged me with harrassment (police dropped it completely). He admitted later that he did it because i was a woman who spoke her mind to much.

Try not to let your experience sour future relationships with roommates. Having room mates can be really fun. I had another room mate last year who was great!! This year I find myself very on edge around my new roommate. He’s very lazy and I’m afraid of dealing with him because of what happened before.

you’re in my prayers.

remeber…be persistent with admins and police, they’ll get the hint sometime!!


After review, the moderation staff has decided to reinstate this thread. Thank you for your patience. God bless.**

To me, the fact that your roommate is Catholic is not relevant. Your problem is that she and her friends are rude, insensitive jerks. And if they are destroying your property then they are criminals as well.

As everyone else is saying, everything that these people are doing is against Catholic teaching. Catholics are supposed to condemn the sin not the sinner.

Without passing judgement I think these girls are overlooking the plank in their own eyes. Do not assume that these people are doing this because they are Catholic.

Some advice from when I was in college, several years ago. A person on our floor admitted that he had a same sex attraction. People on the floor started to make his life miserable. The college didn’t act to fast to help the situation.

The person started to threaten based on legal issues, and the person was moved within a few days. Don’t let the university leave you in an unsafe circumstance. If you have proof that someone is doing something to you and even if you don’t if it is a crime, call the Police. Keep calling the police and if it is a campus police force and they don’t do anything call the county police. Don’t just sit there and take it.


I am very sorry for the behaviour of your roommate.  As mentioned before, she is not acting the way the Church says we should.  It is not your fault that your parents are lesbians, for one, for two, everyone should be treated with compassion and respect, in spite of their sexual orientation.  

Something you might want to try until the admins will do something is to print these responses for her.  Letting her know that her behaviour is what give Catholics a bad name, and simply not acceptable.  It probably will not do any good, but it is worth a try.  

Unfortunately, what you may dealing with is years of indoctrination by her parents and friends. She may think this is what she is suppose to do (I find that hard to believe, but hey, truth is stranger than fiction.)

I will be praying for you and for your roommate, that God will turn her heart and ways.


"They’ve broken into my desk using a hammer and smashed my laptop. I walked into the room and caught them using a cigarette lighter to burn my homework. "

File a police report for destruction of property.

[quote=Mindy Mae] I know Catholics are against homosexuals,

First and foremost, Catholics are not against homosexuals. We are against the sexual act, which is contrary to God’s plan. We are called to love the sinner, but hate the sin.
The CCC quotes already posted are the teachings of the Catholic Church.
Now, your roommates aren’t being rude, they are being illegal. Talk to your parents and have your parents contact an attorney. This isn’t a small matter; it needs to be dealt with in a legal court. These aren’t harmless pranks they are crimes. The school administrators should be held accountable for their lack of action. And please, don’t feel Catholics are against your parents, we abhor the sin, but we are called to love everyone.

I find it hard to believe a college today would not leap at the opportunity to prosecute a Catholic. My experience in college, and since then, has been that homosexuals persecute me. Already they are imprisoning Christians who dare to disagree with them. Some are now going to churches to monitor what the pastor says so that he can be prosecuted for hate speech. Gay activists have disrupted Mass and vandalized our churches. I have been personally insulted and villified by them. Just want you to see the other side.

However, it is wrong for your roomate to do these things. Although we have only heard your side and she has not presented any defense. I suggest you find someone to switch rooms with or she can find someone to do the same. Then both of you will be happier. It really shouldn’t be that hard. There is always someone looking to switch roomates.

Essentially there is a culture war going on right now. Christians are being attacked viciously. Some react with anger. Homosexuals experiencing this backlash should consider whether their actions actually engendered it. The Catholic Church does not advocate violence against homosexuals. But she firmly defends marriage and family against the current radical agenda. I hope you work things out.

I forgot to mention, that most College campus have a department that provides free legal advice. Check with your student union. Contact them and I am sure they will be able to point you in the right direction.

When I was in college the free legal advice team helped me with a landlord dispute.


My uncle (a police officer) gave me this advice when my roommate was doing thigs like these.

Write EVERYTHING down…times, dates, occurances. things she’s said to you, what you’ve said to her…everything. If charges are laid, chances are she will deny it and you will have YOUR side of the story not only from you but also on paper…it looks better for your case.

Take pictures of the damage she’s done, like of your laptop and the scratches on your car

Save the homework that they were burning as proof.

Every bit helps in building a harrasment case, you need more than just your word sometimes…

oh and print these responses as well to show the police. The more you are willing to cooperate and show them, the more they see her fault.

I hoep this helped.

Mindy -

As others have said, Catholics - just like other Christians - are commanded to love others. We should set an example to everyone around us of Jesus’ love.

Is there a Catholic Student Services on campus? Perhaps chatting with the Priest would help - or better yet, ask your roomate to attend services there with you! You may be there to teach her about Christ’s love. Praying for your enemies is a tough one, but, it works.

Of course, if you are in danger from this person, report it.

My prayers are with you!


I dunno, this doesn’t quite pass the smell test… :hmmm:

But, if everything you wrote is true and un-embellished, then it’s obvious this person isn’t being very Catholic. Everyone’s advice has been excellent, and worth following.

Me? I’d handle it differently. When people are so flagrantly disprespectful toward me they get a number of warnings, right up to the inches-from-the-face warning in low, clear tones. If they persist, well, I haven’t punched anyone in decades, but I can give the verbal equivalent. If a guy smashed my laptop, though, and the administration did nothing about it, I guess that would be a whole new ballgame…

[quote=SMHW]To me, the fact that your roommate is Catholic is not relevant. Your problem is that she and her friends are rude, insensitive jerks. And if they are destroying your property then they are criminals as well.

The fact that my roommate is Catholic is relevant only in that she quotes something called the “catholic cannon laws” and says that the Bibles says my parents should be killed and it wouldn’t be a sin.

[quote=Therese Martin]After review, the moderation staff has decided to reinstate this thread. Thank you for your patience. God bless.

I’m not familiar with the forums. What does this mean?? Did I say something wrong?

[quote=montanaman]I dunno, this doesn’t quite pass the smell test…

What??? I’m confused.

Legal action has been taken and while I won’t be moved any time soon, I’m sure these girls will back off if they don’t want to get expelled or lose their scholarships. Thanks for the advice and for being open-minded.

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