WARNING: The post below is argumentative and it may cause adverse emotions. It doesn't ask for advice or suggestions or information, so it's not withholding help from anybody if you would prefer not to take part in the thread. Nothing below should be potentially offensive, but anyway, no offence is intended.
[quote="flyingfish, post:22, topic:178828"]
Why? Haven't you ever been romantically attracted to several people at the same time? The most I've been attracted to at the same time is 3 guys, they all had their interesting points and spending time with all of them was exciting in its own way. If I was asked to choose I wouldn't have been able to.
Probably at least 3, but that means I need to choose. That means I get to *get my information and make my choice *but I don't get a test run with all three.
Doesn't the Church teach that that kind of kissing before marriage is immoral?
I mean the kind of kissing which is still moral but which is not the normal kissing with family and friends. This is basically any kissing on the lips, except for people who kiss non-romantic friends on the lips too (I've known a couple).
I don't know. Polygamy means being married to more than one person, it's quite different when you are looking for a spouse.
The -gamy part doesn't appear out of thin air. It develops from something. Natural marriages are not sacramental and it's still -gamy. Common law marriages can become valid natural law marriages (but let's not wonder what with dispensation from form). Basically, sharing a life with several people in concubinage instead of real marriage is also polygamy. If you restrict the -gamy thing to sexual relations anyway, then let's talk about polyamory. That's still wrong and still on the basis that one person cannot have several partners.
I don't know, I think you are treating dating relationships the same as "engaged to be married".
No, but any romantic relationship is meant for discernment of marriage.
Marriage discernment is all about finding the person you can have a successful marriage with. If you only exclusively date one person at a time, it drastically reduces your chances of finding the right person.
There is a number of other ways in which playing by the rules or being kind to people is inconvenient. Improving the flow that goes through our filter is not a good justification.
You can get lucky and find them in one of your few "serial polygamy" relationships, but your chances are much better if you date multiple people at the same time.
Nice try, but the so called "serial monogamy" is only correctly meant to designate relationships which people get out of, as in divorce. A bona fide attempt at discernment is not serial monogamy. By the same logic by which you call it serial monogamy (I'm assuming this is what you mean), then non-exclusive dating is indeed serial polygamy, which means basically a lot of people all the time.
And naturally those dating relationships are going to be romantic, that's why you're dating them after all. You're trying to find a lifelong romantic partner.
You're discerning and the good faith aspect of it is absent when you already know that you won't marry that person Dating someone who's an exchange student and will go away forever in half a year but is a nice fella/lass and a good kisser would be ruled out as immoral, same as dating someone with an impediment that can't be dispensed or removed or someone who clearly won't consent - or someone whom we know we wouldn't marry because we want something different in the long run. Why? Because we know it won't lead to marriage. And because out of any number of people we can marry only one, the n-1 rest of them we can't marry, therefore we knowingly harbour n-1 dead-end relationships.
Oh, I guess if you want to.
As for the fear of losing out on meeting the right person if we don't date more than one person at a time, here's the remedy: friendly meetings. No harbouring of a romantic relationship (or 5 of which 4 are guaranteed to have to go boom). No allowing romantic feelings to grow (in ourselves for 5 people at a time, of which 4 will have to go; for us in 5 people at a time of which 4 will have to be let go). No awakening of romantic feelings in others on purpose (this shouldn't even be subject to debate).
In plain, exemplary terms: no kissing, no snuggling, no love letters, no presenting oneselves as semi-partners or somewhat-partners.
The idea of one man strolling down the beach hand-in-hand with a different woman every day of the week is inconsistent with our civilisation. The idea of 25 hearts with initials carved into a tree by a total of 5 men and 5 women is inconsistent with our civilisation. It's a modern thing which is wrong. I don't say this to criticise anyone as a person, but I do take issue with the custom itself.