Hello. You warm my heart.
What you posted reminds me of the publican in the pharisee vs the publican gospel.
Do you know how much grace God gives you and how happy you make Him when you do these things even while feeling like a “fraud?”
Where do you think feelings like “I can’t do this” (discouragement) and wanting to give up (discouragement, hopelessness) come from? They’re not from God, that’s for sure. None of us can do the Catholic life alone. We need God desperately.
I haven’t been doing the things I used to do --> weekly adoration, going to at least 1-2 daily Masses a week, daily rosary, daily spiritual reading & I thank you for the reminder to do these things, and when I can’t, to ask the Blessed Virgin Mary and the Lord and any saint I can think of at the time to help me. I have been working on a degree though, that for 2 years I’d never thought I’d get, and somehow I am now in my last semester. I believe that Someone has helped me with this and is continuing to help me.
Have you considered going to a retreat lately? Read any good (by good I mean has the Imprimatur & Nihil Obstat) Catholic spiritual books? Have you listened to any good talks by good priests? EWTN has bunches of them on all sorts of topics.
Also, have you discussed this with the Lord?
I had something interesting happen to me last week. I struggle with depression, PTSD, etc. & ad nauseum, and I was really late for a class, and I mean I was bracing myself to do the walk of shame. I got there and no one was there. It turned out that the instructor had skipped class too. I’d been lately complaining to the Lord that I was so tired of feeling low and that life seemed humorless. This gave me a reason to smile for hours.
Give things time and let the Lord take care of things you can’t. Just do what you can, for now, you can’t do anything about what other people think, but you can do something about your own thoughts.
Tell the Lord your mind wanders. But show up for Him. He can surprise you, though it may be in His timetable. Give your wandering thoughts, your stress, the craziness at work, your lack of concentration to the Lord. And keep giving them. God will answer but He likes to write His own scripts to His answers.
Hope this is helpful, but if not, please ignore. Placing you in the enclosed garden of the most sacred heart of our Blessed Virgin Mary.