Nonbelieving Dating Parental problematic parents


#1

Ok. I think that I am more or less looking for answers from teens and young adults but anyone is welcome to give their answers.

Last summer I met a guy and we became the best of friends. We spent all kinds of time together and everything. In November he asked me if I would be his girlfriend and so I agreed. His parents from that summer until that November treated me like the daughter they never had and we all got along sooo well. Then his parents find out that we are dating and they completely shut him off from life. He is no longer aloud to have and friends or communicate with anyone. They keep him in karate classes and only let him go places with them. They don’t allow him to use the internet, they took away his cell phone, they don’t let him use the house phone, and he can’t even walk outside of his own house unless his parents are with him.

Its really not fair. We used to be able to do everything. We used to go swimming and go to all kinds of church events, retreats, youth groups, vacations… then we’d go and hang out with each others families… we never gave anyone a reason to think we were doing anything wrong. We decided to stay as chaste as possible so he didn’t even kiss me.
But in December his parents just went crazy with all of this nonsense. When he tried to defend himself his parents would tell him that he was stupid and didn’t know what he was talking about. Not to worry about anything and all kinds of other things… We manage to sneak a phone call when we can but its only about 1-2 times a month. I really care about him and feel like he could definitely be the one, I just wish that I knew a way to make this easier for the both of us. I pray very hard about it and offer up my masses for him. It doesn’t help that the Catholic church that they take him too doesn’t know the truth… I go to mass almost everyday and I pray all kinds of prayers, but I wish that there was something else I could do.

We are almost 16 and are both determined that if we have too we will wait until he can leave his parents house and then we can see each other more.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, but can someone please just give some opinions on the matter.

In frustration thank you!!


#2

Dear girl, it is very difficult to be young and ‘in love’. And you may be right that he is the one. I know you both feel grwon up and in many ways you are, but when you have children of your own you will realise how terribly young 15 and 16 are!

Naturally they are nervous about the future of their son, and when you started dating, they realised this wasn’t just a childish attachment. They will want their son to be educated and established to some degree before he becomes serious about anyone. Parents have seen times over, the tragedy of the consequence of people known to them who become serious early, and then marriage follows still too early. You think it won’t but how can you really know how vulnerable you both will becaome in romantic moments over the next few years. There’s a saying “Only the good girls get caught!” The less moral can find ways around things.

My youngest son married while a teenager also, his wife admits she shouldn’t have got serious with him straight from school, and realises this is why she is presently losing him. She beieve he’s the right one, now she realises she should have waited for him to grow some independence and to get some education.

I do pray, dear one, that you are able to wait, and to appreciate the few times you see him. Pray lots for him and for you both…and his parents aren’t going to let any other girl in to distract him either! In the meantime, get yourself ready to be the best person and the best wife you can be, and get some training that will enable you to be a supportive wife.

I wish you a very happy life, Trishie :console:


#3

At this stage, you are both called to obey your parents. You should focus on friendships not dating relationships. You will have plenty of time for romance when you are able to actually act on it.

You don’t have to forget about this boy, but at your age you shouldn’t be exclusive with anyone. Focus on school, preparing for a future, and discernment – pray about whether you are called to marriage or perhaps to a vocation in the Church.

He should not disobey his parents or “sneak” phone calls or visits with you. It is a shame that his parents have wholly overreacted in placing such restrictions on him, but ultimately they are his parents and it is their responsibility to raise him and do what they think is best for him.

Move on with life. If, as you say, he is the “one” then a couple of years will not make a difference.


#4

What the others said. In fact, double what the others said. :thumbsup:


#5

Ok, with absolutely no offense to anyone hear, I did specify that we have remained completely chaste and that it is more of a friendship than anything else… something i didn’t specify, they don’t let him hang out with anyone … no not even his guy friends… So please don’t tell me that I can’t be in a relationship with someone and stick to just friendships, in all actuality that is what I we have been doing, we just established that we are dating eachother and no one else has either one of our interests the way that we are interested in each other.


#6

I also agree with the others. Obedience is honestly the best thing that one can do when under the wing of one’s parents.

Even as a young man, I have been blessed to see how right my parents were in their decisions for me. This guy’s parents have, in my opinion, overreacted, but it is important not to sneak calls, as was mentioned. A relationship based on sneaking and secrecy, especially against the wishes of the parents, cannot be healthy.

You know, the whole 4th Commandment thing (Honor your father and you mother)…

Yours in Christ,
Daniel


#7

Is it possible for your parents to invite your friend and parents over?
And what was that" It doesn’t help that the Catholic church that they take him too doesn’t know the truth… " thing. Do you think this is part of the problem with his parents?


#8

Oh man. I’m not too far off from your age, so I have a smattering of an idea of what it’s like.

While it’s true that we’re maturing in a vastly different world from the one our parents matured in, we are still ordered by God to obey our parents. We must love Him above all else, and so we do as he says. If your parents tell you stay friends and nothing more, drop the titles and just be friends. You will know in your hearts that you are truly the best of friends, following the command of Christ together and most importantly, God will see that and your obedience, as well.
Consider it good training for your future marriage (God willing)- sometimes in a marriage, we also must abstain and labor for things out of love for God, which teaches us how to love and respect one another in the most deep of ways.

Pray daily, and ask the Holy Mother to allow your parents to see that you both have the best of intentions.


#9

I just want to suggest a possibility to you, or two, really:

This boyfriend of yours did *something *to make his parents not trust him and therefor “reign him in.” They didn’t do it for “nothing.” As a parent of four and yet, still a punk-rock-girl, I know I wouldn’t just cut off my kids from social contact and life without darn-good reason. In fact, one of my best friends, in my “age group” has a teenage son. He started smoking pot AND failing school, so they did what they had to do – strict grounding – counseling, etc. Of course to his friends he didn’t do “anything” – but to his parents: they want better for their son than failing school, video game haze, pot smoking laziness. The poster above me mentioned how parents of our generation don’t understand you – don’t be SILLY – sure we understand you. Most of us have done many an illicit thing simply because it was allowed: and/or EXPECTED. Of all generations, ours might know you better than any.

TWO: He’s even more attractive to you now because he’s unavailable. Read Romeo and Juliet. Or see the newer version of the movie. Either way, teen angst and perceived persecution is NOT a stable place to settle the corner stone of a meaningful relationship.

Question more. Pray even more. Ask for guidance, :hug1:


#10

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