We started dating in September 2008 right after I ended another 5-year relationship, and I got pregnant in January 2009. We were madly in love and discussing marriage anyway, so he proposed 2 days after we found out about the baby. I wanted to wait until after I gave birth to get married, but my mother strong-armed us into getting married in May 2009. It all happened so fast...
Soon after we got married, I became aware of his explosive temper. If I don't tread lightly during a disagreement, he will scream at me, say hurtful things and flail his arms. He is not violent, though neighbors probably think he is. He always apologizes, and I always forgive, but I never knew about his emotional problems before.
Also, more and more, he has become a slave to his vices. He goes through stints where he drinks every day, enough to get drunk (or buzzed, as he calls it). Arguing with him about it is nothing more than a guaranteed headache, as he downplays it and makes me feel like I'm just trying to take something he enjoys away from him. He also has an intense oral fixation (or is a food addict, not sure which). He eats an immense amount at dinnertime, and will eat several more times before bed. If food is there, he must eat it. If there's still beer in the fridge, he must finish it. He's been fat his whole life, but lost 60 lbs. before he met me. He has gained 50 lbs. since September 2008 which has impacted my physical attraction to him, as well as my respect for him.
Other issues I have stem from my comparing him to other people's husbands, which I know is wrong. I feel he's well liked, but not really respected. He acts too goofy when we're out with friends or at family functions. He's like a friendly dog with his "please like me, like me, like me" demeanor, especially if he's drinking. He makes a lot of sub-par jokes and doesn't really know when to lay off them. I know this isn't a terrible vice, but I'd really like him to be more cool and collected in public. I sometimes dread going places because I feel like I'm being escorted by a clown.
Now I should point out that I do love him, very much. He is a phenomenal father and a doting, supportive husband. The thought of him being hurt breaks my heart and I know that my reasons for loss of attraction are largely superficial. I haven't told him my feelings, but he has sensed it from my demeanor and lack of interest in him physically. I told him that it's just my pregnancy hormones (yep, baby #2 is on the way).
I should say that while I'm not HAPPY, I'm content. I can go without passion for a while, but I'm not sure for how long. The thought of sex with him has been turning my stomach. It's hard not to think about other men. Though I would never cheat, these fantasies only increase my dissatisfaction with him. As a Catholic, I don't want to ever be divorced. Also, I'd rather die than break up my family, especially over something like sex. We get along and our daughter is very happy, not to mention the new baby on the way.
I guess my question is, what would a priest advise me to do? I'd like to go to a counselor but I don't want him to know that I'm not attracted to him anymore. Is a passionless marriage justified, or did God not want this for me? If I feel this way, were we even meant for each other?