I’m expecting a baby in a few days time, my third, and as happened with the last 2 my mother , who is prone to problems with her nerves (and who unfortunately I have never had a close bond with because she told me she got "bored"looking after me from 3 weeks old and left me with my nana) has started to show signs of nervous agitation again. I get hung up on nearly every call she makes to me - without me saying anything. I go out of my way to be charitable to her, and instead get given a lecture on some new random thing every day, then the phone hangs up. The nearer I get to the birth, the worse it gets. I’m coping badly. Hormones, everything feels like it is getting on top of me. My father - absent for most of my childhood who messed up my teenage years very badly for other reasons - is no help. My husband, I’m not even sure what’s going on there - I’m staying with him because I love him and I value the sacrament of marriage though I get the impression he would leave me at the drop of a hat.
I just at the moment feel the cross is weighing me down and I’m not strong enough to carry it. I pray so much, so so much, but I feel so alone at the moment. Please pray that I feel Jesus helping me carry this cross, that the birth goes well, that I remain as charitable as I should be through all of this fog.