Not in a good place

Right now, I’m not in a very good place. I’m down in the darkness of depression, trying to get myself out. I did finally get help and am in therapy and on medication. My faith though, I don’t even know where it really is. I’m still going to church every week and have been to confession recently. The priest was a big help to me and talking to him is what finally led me to seek the the help of a doctor. But I’m still so low and my prayer life is not really there at all. Being this way my thoughts are not in a good place, I see nothing in a good way and don’t have much hope for now or the future. My thoughts are mostly all negative and I’m thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking. Does the devil get ahold of my thoughts when I’m this way or is that just the depression? Well, that’s what I wonder. What if something happens, and I die when I’m this way? I don’t think I would go to heaven. I hate being this way and am trying to get out of this darkness but I guess it’s going to take more time. But, I’m worried that time will run out. I like my therapist but other than that, I have no friends or anyone else I feel comfortable to confide in, I’m alone. It’s hard to be in this dark place alone and to not have much of a faith, but I don’t feel like God is there. Even if I tell myself He’s there it doesn’t seem to be enough to help. I’ve always struggled with my faith since coming back to church 3 years ago, now my depression has taken the forefront. I realize that I’m a little angry with God because it seems this all happened after I came back to church. Meaning when seeking God and faith I ended up going down this path of depression. How could that happen? Even though I haven’t completely lost my faith I worry about what if I die when down here in this darkness?

Praying for you.

I too struggle with depression. First let me say that you are welcome to pm me for a listening ear any time you need :slight_smile:
It takes some time for the meds to kick in. For me it was a few weeks. Depression has a way of tricking you into thinking that no one cares including God. It sucks you into a pit of darkness that I know all to well. Please know that God can reach you in that pit! He is listening to you and trying to pull you out. Saint Dymphna is the patron for depression, ask her to pray for you.
I can promise you from experience that you will get better! There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Cling to God while you wait for the meds to work.
Please, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, call your doctor or priest now! You are important and you are loved! Do not let depression win! You are stronger then it! You are worth it!
Praying for you :heart:

Firstly, I will be praying for you to come through this depression. I don’t know how long you have been on medication, but I do know that it takes a while for them to work. It also maybe a case that at the moment it is a bit of see how they work. They may not work and your doctor may have to try you on a few different ones before the right ones for you are found to work. Therapy also takes time and take a lot out of you emotionally. You are managing to go to Church weekly, which is good. Some people can not even do that because their depression is so severe. Keep praying when you can. Set an alarm as a reminder to pray. That’s what I do, when I feel depressed, because my memory will forget about prayer. Even if it’s just a short prayer. I have also found gratitude lists to be helpful. I do one everyday. Therefore I am concentrating on the positive rather the negative. I also have to remind myself of the things I am doing instead of the things I think I should be doing. An example would be, me doing the shopping and clothes washing, instead of what I am not doing like, I didn’t clear out the closet that needs clearing out.

Are there any support groups where you are? Where I live, thee is a support group for people going through depression. It helps because I am with people that know how I am feeling, because they are too at times. Or have been through it. Italso stops the isolation and I have made friends.
You will be in my prayers. May God bless you.

Thanks everyone for the prayers. I have been on meds for a few weeks but they haven’t kicked in at all. I feel like I’m sinking and can’t stop it from happening. In a way it feels like it’s already too late. I do see the Dr tomorrow so I will see what he says about the meds. The awful negative thoughts just won’t go away though. I have no “friends” really and have no interest in reaching out to anyone anymore. It was hard enough and took me a long time to see my primary dr and only did so after talking to the priest in confession. Once I finally did, my dr helped get everything else going so I could get treatment. Now I’m trying to get out of this bad place but with little faith. What if I die before God reaches in and pulls me out? :frowning:
I appreciate all the prayers.

Sweetie it is not to late I promise! Unfortunately you may need to try a different med or up the dose. It takes some time to find the right one some times. There is a med that will work for you :slight_smile: I understand the negative thinking…it feels like there is a battle going on inside your head. Like you want to stop bit can’t help it and so you feel weak and worthless. You are not weak or worthless!! You were strong enough to seek help! You were strong enough to post here! You are strong enough to face a new day! You will beat this! Depression makes you think negatively. It drags you down making you feel like you can’t or don’t want to reach out to any one. Its not you its the depression! I have found the right med for me and have felt normal for five years now :slight_smile: there was a time I never thought I’d ever feel like a normal person again. I am able to feel emotion in a normal way which was something I never thought could happen for me. Everything was all doom and gloom before. I am able to see the positive side in nearly every situation :slight_smile: you will get there too!!
I will not comment on what might happen should you die while you feel this way…because you will not die in this pit! You will find the right med and live a long happy and normal life! Depression will not own you…you will fight and you will win!
For me sunshine and ffresh air can be a real help. If its cold where you are then bundle up and sit outside for a little while…breathing in that frsh air. Listen to the birds sing. Feel the sun on your face and know that God gave it all to please you :slight_smile:

Do not count on anyone but God. People will disappoint you. God never will.

I recommend that you meditate on our Lord’s Passion a lot, consoling Jesus in His terrible suffering. Tell him that you love Him and that you are very sorry for your sins and for the sins of the world, and that you are resolved to make reparation to Him by offering up all your pain and suffering in union with His. Rather than focusing on your painful depression focus on Jesus’ painful Passion and console Him all day. God bless you.

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