Good day everyone,
I went to my academic adviser today and he is on the 3rd floor of a building. While I was talking to him I was thinking things similar to, “I am going to transfer;” “What am I doing here?” and the like. As I walked out of the office, I saw the offices of different instructors and thought, “I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life.”
I don’t want to be doing a secular job for the rest of my life. I want to do the things of God. For about 4 years now, a call has been gradually growing on me. I know that I don’t mind being single and though married life is great- it is don’t get me wrong- I can’t see myself married. The only struggle with the thought of being single I have is the occasional temptation against it- lust. But hey, I’m sure a lot of people struggle with that.
The only thing I would continue to do in college is study Japanese. I like the Japanese people. It is because I can get along with them more so than my American cultured peers. If it be that I marry, I would want to marry a Japanese woman. I am only stating this. Please don’t mind it so much.
I went to Japan before. I felt strange- naturally- because it is a really different atmosphere, of course. Also, it was because I have family in the U.S. So, having contacted with the bishop, I am very sure that I would like the monastic life. The thing is, I guess I am just ranting because it has been picking at my peace.
I want to be a saint! Yes, I might get the response, “you can be a saint in any state.”
I agree. After all, the holiest human - second to Jesus- that walked on earth was the Virgin Mary. And she was married. “What is holiness?” I ask. But, I want to be devoted totally. I want to love people how they are- with my heart; not emotion. That’s why I don’t want to work a secular job.
I want to be a saint! I want people to feel the sweet tenderness of God to people; through Mary. I want our heavenly mother’s sweet tenderness to shine forth from my face. Not for my own sake, but because I want people to feel her tenderness, too. I see so many people sad and stressed because they don’t know God. Though this may sound pessimistic, I am tired of seeing the lukewarmness of Catholics. But what can I say, I am too prideful sometimes. I, too, am human. The only person I need to fix is mine own self. It’s my dream to be a saint.