Hello everybody and may God Bless us all.
Ill try to keep this short. God guides us all, and I am really not quite sure which direction HE is leading me right now.
I’m 16 and a junior in high school. Since the summer after 8th grade, I have kinda liked the same girl. Hope this is not too creepy, please tell me so if it is. At that time, I was far from God. I was committing many sins of impurity with little resistance on my behalf and trying to run my mind like a machine, on logic and not faith. Because i was unsuccessfully trying to crush my emotions, i was not able to talk to the girl i liked without stammering ect. :shrug: I buried myself in the past, dreams of how i could have been friends with her earlier, ect.
I don’t exactly remember the moment it happened, but i began praying more and more, not just about this but in general. It brought me far closer to God. I prayed my Confirmation prayer book frequently until I had many of the prayers memorized and the book began to fall apart. After many unsuccessful attempts, I think i have stopped committing sins of impurity (over a month, pray for me please).
Anyways, freshman year i had no classes with her. Much to my chagrin the same was true for the first semester of sophomore year. However, in short, through a seemingly, but not, coincidental series of events, I ended up on my school’s debate team with her and in a class with her. I turned my mind to faith, reciting prayers silently often. I traveled far closer to Christ, but at the same time, became better friends with her. I asked her to homecoming. Long story short, she pretty much said yes, but i didn’t have the guts to dance with her:shrug: and so things went poorly. Now I am decent friends with her i guess, but unsure of where to go from here. We are both practicing Catholics and hold the same political opinions, and get a laugh about things said by others when debating. This want of friendship with her has brought me closer to God
I recently went through a dark night of the soul or something very very close to it where my faith was tried, and my scrupulosity is getting in the way of my decision making. I asked myself briefly if God wants me to become a Priest, and am unsure and fearful of the answer. I have began the Novena to Saint Raphael and pray the Most Holy Rosary about twice a day, separating it by decade and praying whenever I have time. I know the solution is to just Trust in the Lord, but any guidance would be appreciated. I know God has brought me closer to this girl, but I don’t know why. Is He using this as a stepping stone to make me do His will? How can I tell? Thanks for the help.
May our Good Lord Jesus Christ be a Light in the darkness and guide us along this difficult journey that is life here on earth.