I’ve written here before. My husband of 30 years confessed to me that he had been going to lap dance bars for anywhere from 3 to 7 years(his story kept changing so I suspect it was probably for much longer). He said he never had intercourse with them because he considered that cheating! But he did do most everything else. He no longer goes there because he got Peyronies disease there-a bent penis caused by scar tissue caused by, what he says was excessive grinding, even tho the Internet says it is mostly caused by rough intercourse. He says he stopped because he hurt me so much, & I believe him because he has had health problems lately & I believe he is trying to make the marriage work. This was two years ago. -lotsof counseling because he showed minimal remorse because he said he felt he did nothing wrong because it meant nothing to him.
Now, I find out that for the first two of the four years that we dated before we were married, he had frequent intercourse, not the occasional petting that he had origionallytold me, with an old girlfriend. He lies so much that he forgets what he told me. When I reacted negatively to this, he got angry saying, “That’s just how (unmarried) guys are!” and that I should just get over it!
Part two- I’m sorry this is so long. Now, he is home recovering from orthopedic surgery, high on pain-killers which I think are making him euphuric, and he is acting very much in love with me, I suspect because of how I am taking care of him. He doesn’t realize it, but I am reeling from his latest bit of news. Plus, his whole story surrounding the lap dancing includes some outlandish stories, that if I want to go on, I must just believe, but they are pretty unbelievable. Now, I have come to realize, that our intimate life had always needed to be supplemented. He had admitted to, when taking his marriage vows, he had never intended to remain faithful in the traditional way- the way I had taken it to mean, although now, he has turned over a new leaf.
It seems that now, we have an opportunity to start over again, mainly I think, because of the good feeling generated in him by me taking care of him, plus the uplifting feelings he is getting from the vicodin. My problem is I am so hurt and I know he is sick to death of talking about this. No more chance of doing more counseling. He just isn’t who I thought I married. I am secretly angry at his cavalier attitude towards the whole thing, and I strongly suspect there is more to the stories he is telling me.
My question to you is, how do I handle my feelings and go on, or should I continue the in-house separation that we have been doing on and off for two years?