Do I give up on a family member that has finally pushed it too far? My mom has always had problems but now she has really done it! My aunt died last Friday and instead of calling me (last time we spoke she hung up on me) she just left me totally out of the loop. When my sister asked if I had been told, she said, “I am not speaking to her, she hung up on me.” Then she said, “Your brother talked to her and he knows.” Great!!! She is mixing lies with a little truth! I talked to my brother on Thursday night (Aunt died Friday). My sister called me on Sunday wondering if I was coming to the funeral or if I even knew…she knows better than to trust mom thank God. Anyway, as you can imagine, I was furious!
First, I don’t care if we are speaking or not, she should have called or made arrangements for another sibling to call me if she wouldn’t. Second, I DIDN’T hang up on her, she hung up on me when I told her that she was going to hear my side of an arguement if she was going to listen to everyone elses side. About a year ago my oldest sister and I had an argument that she drug all my other siblings into (5 of us kids in all). Since then, my oldest sister and my one brother have not spoken to either my sister or myself, but our youngest brother managed to escape judgement and was able to remain friends with all of us.
There have been many squabbles over the years but this one kind of settled it for me and my one sister, we decided that our mom, oldest sister and one of the brothers were too mentally unstable to let our children around them without supervision. Since then, my sister has had to leave 3 family events because one of these family members has said or done something she found unacceptable in front of her kids. I don’t have this problem since I live too far away to make it to these painful ordeals anyway.
Well anyway, my mom really crossed a line when she wouldn’t tell me about my aunt. At first I planned to call her up and tell her what an evil person I thought she was, but my sister asked me not to do anything until the day after the funeral because she had to see them there and she was afraid they would make her life miserable over it. I agreed to this because I knew she was right, they would. In any event, I found out about my aunt on Sunday afternoon and the viewing was monday night and funeral was Tuesday morning. I had already committed myself to driving my step daughter home (Springfield IL) on Monday, but if I had left straight from there I would have gotten to PA either too late for the funeral on Tues or just made it if I even knew the streets well enough to find the church.
I know why my mom didn’t want me to know, it is because for years she has told all kinds of stories about me and she doesn’t want my cousins to fnd out what a liar she is. Part of this I take the blame for, I suspected she had done this but I didn’t do anything to correct it because I was hurt that people would believe her lies. My sister did confirm this when I asked her about it she said, “Our cousin asked me about you because mom told her you were different.” OK these are my nice words, my cousin was under the impression that I was whacked out and mentally ill.
I am still really mad at my mom, but I am not sure that confronting her would do any good since she will use it as an excuse to tell my brothers and oldest sister what a bad daughter I am yet again. But if I do nothing, her bad behavior continues…
What would you do?