So as of right now I’m a young teacher who is currently living and working in a small community far from home and I’m having some issues with my vocational calling.
First of all, let me say that as of right now I’m single but i’m being pulled in a few directions. Right now I am in the talking stages with a few young women i’ve met on Catholicmatch since i live in a place where there aren’t many people, let alone single Catholic women. I’ve always been someone who worried that I wasn’t good enough to date anyone because I wasn’t the most attractive bloke and though that I wasn’t good enough to date anyone, and being the shy nervous type I never tried. Well I gained more confidence as the years rolled on and now I find myself at least having some interest thrown my way.
This leads to my second problem though. Lately I’ve felt more attracted to the priesthood. When i was in my late teens and even my early 20’s, I was immature and felt that maybe God was calling me to the priesthood because I couldn’t get a date to save my life and felt being a lifelong single was selfish (boy was I wrong.) Anyways, after a time of discernment while working as a religious ed teacher for a summer with my diocese, I told my spiritual director that I didn’t think I was called to be a priest, so I put energy into finding a job and working on becoming a provider and hopefully growing more spiritually in order to find a spouse or at least support my self if I was to be single.
Anyway, I find myself now maturing in my outlook towards the priesthood. I don’t want to run away so much as I want to find my solace in God and focus on him solely. I feel like I could do this being a priest (or maybe a monk but I don’t know what order would be good for me since I haven’t had a lot of exposure to different orders.) I go to mass and I feel like I would be at peace, and feel I could work well as a priest.
However, part of me thinks I’m just sinking back into old habits. I don’t really pray much (though I do daily prayer, but not regimented prayer like the liturgy of the hours) and I only go to mass on Sundays and Holy Days. I also am having some doubts about my current job and whether I really am able to do it (teaching is rather stressful work and I feel like i’m not able to handle it very well.) There are also other worries, but for the sake of time I’ll stop here and get to the heart of my question. How do I know where God is calling me?
I feel like i’m lacking in faith, but I’m so tired from my job and feel demotivated and stressed and wonder if I’m just thinking the priesthood will help rather than actually having a calling.
I know I need to talk with my spiritual director again, but any ideas. I feel like I just don’t know where to go. I haven’t had any signs other than people saying things like “maybe you should be a priest” (honestly what single devout Catholic man hasn’t heard that from some parishioner?)
Thanks and God Bless!