NOT wanting a better connection with god


Trying to help someone who seeming doesent want it…A good friend of mine has little faith in God, and even less in Jesus and the Church. Yet I met him in church and he was even semi-dressed up for it. That was two years ago. About a year ago he tells me he believes in 100% predestination and that we have no free will. I tell him there was a reason why Calvinists are almost non-existant…because they picked up a bible and saw that this contradicts it. His response was that the bible was written by people. I was shocked, argued with him and probably ended up turning him more away. I would talk to him then and asked him ‘don’t you want a better connection with god’ and he said ‘not really’ and was fine with how he is. Half a year goes by, and I am in pain and part of my ear has been almost permanently damaged. I ask him to pray for me, and he says ‘maybee’. All the same time he has gone to church with me every sunday. Hearing this, (and in shock), I was almost speachless and asked him if he was joking. He wasn’t. I had to give him examples of when people pray for others, like when someone is dying, or hurt. And I think I convinced him to pray for me, ( I think ). We live near one another this whole time and share rides to church being friends. This was untill he moves on the other side of town and it is inefficient to pick me up just recently. Then he tells me that he might not go because he didn’t get sleep the night before and is unpacking. I was in shock ( but i saw it coming a year ago) and told him that his new living situation should not be a excuse not to go to church and that I enjoy his company in church. He said to that “maybee”. I end up seeing him there, only to talk about the eucharist at the end of mass. And find out how he thinks it is unimportant and doesent believe what the priest says when blessing the bread and wine because he believes that Jesus said was a metaphor. As you can tell, hearing this from a close friend kills me. I pray for him so much, but want to help him without him being defensive and turning even further away. Any suggestions? Comments?
Please pray for him, -that he may see the light of God as I have been able to,

-I forgot to add that the few times we talk about religion, it ends up being like this, i find out that his faith has deminished even more. I tell him he needs a little more faith…he replies to me I need logic. Not very re-assuring.


It sounds to me like he basically wanted an excuse not to have to go to church with you.

Nothing you can do about his choices.


It sounds like he is a nonbeliever…maybe you should be friends with him outside of church and not talk about religion…


Perhaps the reason your friend doesn’t want more faith is becasue he is afraid that God will wreck his life. I think it’s a fear we all have. Many people see Christianity as a bad thing, as a life that is missing out on all the good.

Perhaps you could gently try and convince him that, God loves each of us so of us so dearly, he only wants the best for us. That’s why we’re called to be Christians.


My dear friend

Any holy communions he makes in this state are only sacrelige so try to stop him for his own good, if needs be. Many are called but few are chosen. It’s a sad fact few get to heaven. All you can do is pray and offer sacrifices for him. You are in a battle for his soul, and the enemy is satan. Satn is very successful in ths world. But this is because so very few people know about and even when they do know, use the weapons we have to win souls. Offer masses, a lot of prayer and sacrifices even ask for suffering for him, use sacramentals, preach by example and word when asked. And know the price of a soul is very high. Don’t settle with him alone cast your net out far and wide and try to drag in as many fish as you can this way. Good luck and I will pray for you both.

May God bless you abundantly:thumbsup::slight_smile:



Sometimes all we can really do is pray for people… I know this must be very painful… I have some friends and family members sort of like this and it’s hearbreaking to talk to them about spiritual things. Have you ever considered saying a novena for him? I’m trying to pray the 54 day Rosary novena for somebody…lol! I hope I get through it…

God bless you


Michael makes a good point. People are often afraid of making a deeper committment to God because He may then ask more of them than they think they can give or handle. Your friend seems to be using his understanding Scripture and of Calvin’s predestination as an excuse not to take his salvation in his own hands, so to speak, and in doing so surrendering humbly to God and His merciful love. It may be, though, that he is experiencing depression and has no energy to lift his mind and heart to God.


Thank you all so much for the comments, and I hope more are to come. I agree about the last statement greatly. Everytime religion comes up, he seems down about it and always acts as if ‘how am I supposed to know what to believe’. And says he doesent question God, but in the past he has questioned Christianity, and its contradictions and missing connections with Judaism. (note this person has never read the bible or torah). This friend is extremely outgoing almost all of the time, and he makes very quick recoveries when down so he has told me (and I believe it because I did room with him for almost a year once). He is a lot of fun to be around and very outgoing, and very close to me. I pray for him all the time, that he might see that rays of light from god that shine on him. But, as of now, he still has his sunglasses on. When religion comes up he does seem depressed about it, and anxious, and defensive. He is extremely different from his usual outgoing self and seems to want to not talk about it/ end the discussions quickly. —Please send more comments regarding this, and again, pray for him. Thank you so much

-I should note that during all of this time, these years he has learned about/ been diagnosed with a currently incurable, and almost untreatable i’llness of the internal organs. (not fatal, but it can be painful)—I think this has had something to play along with everything,
_PLEASE COMMENTS!, thank you so much,


With the physical illness you say he is enduring, perhaps a fear of death makes him want to keep God at bay, so to speak. If he doesn’t think about or pursue a life of love of God and an active participation in whatever denomination he feels closest too then death, to his mind, is on the back burner as seeking God makes one face one’s ultimate return home (or not!) to Him.

OTOH, it may be that the he sees the pain he experiences as directly sent to Him by God - given what you said about his fatalistic outlook - and thus he doesn’t see God as a loving Father, but only as One Who has predestined his suffering. Calvin has a LOT for which to answer!

You are both in my prayers.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit