Not wanting children


#1

I have no drive to be a mother. This is something I have felt my entire life and as I am getting older and closer to the appropriate child-bearing age. I still have absolutely no desire of having children. Why did God provide me with the free will to choose not to procreate? I know I would not be the nurturing mother a child would need. Wouldn't it be more selfish for me to have children knowing I do not even want to be there mother than to prevent it from happening in the first place?


#2

[quote="Leslierunner, post:1, topic:248307"]
I have no drive to be a mother. This is something I have felt my entire life and as I am getting older and closer to the appropriate child-bearing age. I still have absolutely no desire of having children. Why did God provide me with the free will to choose not to procreate? I know I would not be the nurturing mother a child would need. Wouldn't it be more selfish for me to have children knowing I do not even want to be there mother than to prevent it from happening in the first place?

[/quote]

Hi Leslierunner,

Why did God give anyone free will? I'm sure you know the answer already.

There's an old saying to the effect of "God blesses some with marriage and others with singlehood." Perhaps your aversion to the idea of motherhood means you are being called to a different vocation. That's something to think and pray about it.


#3

There's an theory out there that we don't really have free will.

I don't feel "called" to have children, but do feel the need to be in a relationship. I'm definitely not "called" to the religious life or priesthood. Why do people feel this is a problem?


#4

[quote="Leslierunner, post:1, topic:248307"]
I have no drive to be a mother. This is something I have felt my entire life and as I am getting older and closer to the appropriate child-bearing age. I still have absolutely no desire of having children. Why did God provide me with the free will to choose not to procreate? I know I would not be the nurturing mother a child would need. Wouldn't it be more selfish for me to have children knowing I do not even want to be there mother than to prevent it from happening in the first place?

[/quote]

maybe you should be a nun :)


#5

During all of my youth, I used to say, “No way I am bringing children into this world!” I wasn’t exactly pleased with the way God was running things. Well, I’m in my forties now, and I have two young children. I finally decided I didn’t want to miss out on kids. I can’t say I am presently pleased with the governing of the universe, but I realize I can’t see the whole picture, and I at least hope God knows what He is doing. Had I been given the choice, I would have chosen a different world than this to bring by children into, but this is the only one I know of. I don’t even feel like I’m parent material now, but I do my best. I guess I won’t find out until the end if I did the right thing, but I think I did.


#6

[quote="Arkadin, post:3, topic:248307"]
There's an theory out there that we don't really have free will.

I don't feel "called" to have children, but do feel the need to be in a relationship. I'm definitely not "called" to the religious life or priesthood. Why do people feel this is a problem?

[/quote]

I have no idea what you're getting at here. The OP doesn't want children; that's probably a good sign that she's called to something other than the vocation of marriage and motherhood. I don't see what about that obvious assertion warrants your defensiveness.

BTW, if you genuinely reject the doctrine of free will, you would do well to reevaluate your Catholicism.


#7

It is a question in part of vocation...perhaps your called to a different kind of vocation....in community or otherwise...

or it may be something that will come in time as as you meet someone etc...


#8

God will give you the grace needed to love and nurture a child when you actually need it. You aren't pregnant now so you don't need it yet. God will give to the grace to use--you willing to let the gift work in you--when you're in the situation that calls for needing it.
Plus contraception's a sin. So it is never advisable.

Gen 1:28, 9:1,7; 35:11 - from the beginning, the Lord says to us to be fruitful ("fertile") and multiply. So if you are in a situation where you can be fruitful [sex w/ spouse] you shouldn't block fertility.

Gen. 38:8-10 - Onan is killed by God for practicing contraception (in this case, withdrawal) and spilling his semen on the ground.

Deut. 25:7-10 - the penalty for refusing to keep up a family lineage is not death, like Onan received. Onan was killed for wasting seed.

Lev.18:22-23;20:13 - wasting seed with non-generative sexual acts warrants death. Many Protestant churches, which have all strayed from the Catholic Church, reject this fundamental truth (few Protestants and Catholics realize that contraception was condemned by all of Christianity - and other religions - until the Anglican church permitted it in certain cases at the Lambeth conference in 1930. This opened the floodgates of error).

Please be open to life. Just try natural family planning [not having sex during the time were conception is possible]. Other scriptural examples of contraception being a sin here.

Please be open to life and not use contraception. Seriously.

I like how Augustine puts it:
"This proves that you [Manicheans] approve of having a wife, not for the procreation of children, but for the gratification of passion. In marriage, as the marriage law declares, the man and woman come together for the procreation of children. Therefore, whoever makes the procreation of children a greater sin than copulation, forbids marriage and makes the woman not a wife but a mistress, who for some gifts presented to her is joined to the man to gratify his passion." Augustine, The Morals of the Manichees 18:65 (A.D. 388).


#9

so if someone doesn't want kids, they simply can't get married?


#10

[quote="sw85, post:6, topic:248307"]
I have no idea what you're getting at here. The OP doesn't want children; that's probably a good sign that she's called to something other than the vocation of marriage and motherhood. I don't see what about that obvious assertion warrants your defensiveness.

BTW, if you genuinely reject the doctrine of free will, you would do well to reevaluate your Catholicism.

[/quote]

But what if one has no serious interest in the religious life and it is obvious one is not called to such a life?

I'm not saying I believe in the theory that free will does not exist, but I am interested in checking it out.


#11

[quote="Ruthyankees, post:9, topic:248307"]
so if someone doesn't want kids, they simply can't get married?

[/quote]

According to christianity.


#12

[quote="Ruthyankees, post:9, topic:248307"]
so if someone doesn't want kids, they simply can't get married?

[/quote]

You can get married if you have the control over your body to not have sex when the egg is at the right spot where pregnancy is possible. It's only at a certain time every month. Just keep track of that.

If you don't have sex then you are just not in the middle of sex right then. Nobody needs to have sex every minute. You have to actually have sex and block the fertility and the 'chance to increase in number' of the act to make it an act against God.

So marriage is fine. Just pray that God will give you the grace needed to be able to resist the urge to have sex for that bit of time. I know it might be hard with sexualness in TV these days but with God anything is possible so pray and maybe practice abstinence like try to not eat some type food every weekend and offer it to God to increase self control.


#13

[quote="Arkadin, post:3, topic:248307"]
I don't feel "called" to have children, but do feel the need to be in a relationship. I'm definitely not "called" to the religious life or priesthood.

[/quote]

That's just because you've watched so much of Hollywood where they sort of advertise it as a must have.


#14

This is incorrect, NFP needs to be used for a serious/just/grave reason. Not just because one doesn’t “feel like” having kids. So If one is sure they never want kids, then they shouldn’t get married.

I never had a desire for children, but I met my now husband, and I had to evaluate my position. My love for my dh won out and it made me want or at least be open to the idea of having children. Jokes on me, I got pregnant on my honeymoon and love being a mom (I have 2 kids in 3 years of marriage).


#15

[quote="Arkadin, post:10, topic:248307"]
But what if one has no serious interest in the religious life and it is obvious one is not called to such a life?

[/quote]

If they have no interest in leading a religious life then what is there to be concerned about here?


#16

[quote="Me1234, post:13, topic:248307"]
That's just because you've watched so much of Hollywood where they sort of advertise it as a must have.

[/quote]

Thanks, Doc!
:rolleyes:

P.S.: I'm a classic foreign film kind of guy who has a great distaste for Hollywood.


#17

I didn't particularly feel called to have children myself. I was pretty sure I'd be completely happy without children, and in the end I probably would've been.

But God had other plans. My daughter, now 18, is the greatest blessing of my life. Ultimately it turns out motherhood was a vocation for me.

My husband and I were married a little later in life, and were only blessed with one, but I don't even want to imagine life without her.


#18

[quote="sw85, post:15, topic:248307"]
If they have no interest in leading a religious life then what is there to be concerned about here?

[/quote]

Religious life=Consecrated Religious Life (i.e. nun, monk, friar)


#19

[quote="Me1234, post:13, topic:248307"]
That's just because you've watched so much of Hollywood where they sort of advertise it as a must have.

[/quote]

Nothing good comes from Hollywood. Nothing.

To the OP I think becoming a nun was sound advice. :D


#20

[quote="Leslierunner, post:1, topic:248307"]
I have no drive to be a mother. This is something I have felt my entire life and as I am getting older and closer to the appropriate child-bearing age. I still have absolutely no desire of having children. Why did God provide me with the free will to choose not to procreate? I know I would not be the nurturing mother a child would need. Wouldn't it be more selfish for me to have children knowing I do not even want to be there mother than to prevent it from happening in the first place?

[/quote]

You need to evaluate why you don't want children and what the implications of never having children will mean. I'm guessing you are very young based on you mentioning that you are teh "appropriate child bearing age". You still have time to see where God's calling you.

O and by the way alot of times the feelings of not wanting a child is just teenage selfishness. When I was in highschool I had no desire to every marry or have children. I just wanted to do my own thing and "not be held back". After a stint in the Army I'm now in my 20s and want nothing more than to be a mommy and have as many children as God will send me.


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