Here is my situation. About 3 years ago, I made a friend with a woman who over time I came to realize was mentally unstable. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve known her to get caught up in any scam that offers a solution to her mental problems that doesn’t require medication. I’m not sure if she goes off her medication more frequently than that, but her condition has never seemed very controled. Overall I have had to realize that having a friendship with her means having a friendship with someone who does not respect boundaries, is constantly demanding and seeking attention and is constantly creating drama.
Some months before my wedding, I tried to set up boundaries with her, and she reacted by ending the friendship…then begging for it back a couple days later. About two months before my wedding, she informed me she was dating my 19 year old brother. Then my family and parents had to deal with tons of drama. My parents were embracing of their relationship and out of the blue, the two of them vanished. When they came back, it had turned out that she had told my brother that my parents did not accept her and never would because they don’t accept decisions he makes on his own. My parents tried to show support, but then had to deal with being informed that my brother was going to move in with her. Well that didn’t last long as she constantly jumps from job to job and living situation to living situation. My brother came home explaining that they were living in a house with a couple that was abusing them. For some odd reason, my parents felt compelled to invite both him and his girlfriend to move in with them. She then began tormenting my parents in their house. My parents were about to kick her out, but had trouble finding the heart to do so. Eventually my mom blue a fuse at her and she changed her tune for a short time completely (at least to my mom) so she never got kicked out. In July (after I was told she was insisting that she needed more commitment from my brother), they became engaged.
There is no wedding date set as my parents have postponed dealing with this with “we’ll see.” and they have no funds to pay for it outside of using my parents. My Dad tried to have a heart to heart with them about readiness for marriage, and they stormed out and seemingly moved out. However then they moved back in without even asking my parents if they were still welcome. My parents don’t know how to confront the situation except that they’ve informed them that they plan to sell the house next year and that they have to move out by then.
Aside from their being no where near ready for marriage, I’ve simply had it with the friendship. Every time I talk to her now, I’m just being polite. In all honesty, I want nothing to do with her because I’m sick of the drama of it. I’m petrified of being asked for wedding advise or to be a bridesmaid. My husband and I don’t even want to go to their wedding if they do get married, but we don’t want to be confrontational either. I feel like its either be a doormat to her or be the meanest rudest person in the world, hurt my brother and risk her pulling some mean stunt on my family.
I’ve been told just to ignore her, not answer her calls, not invite her over, etc, but everytime she calls, I feel obligated to answer and I am just waiting for the day she starts sending me angry mail and messages because I haven’t done “my part” in the friendship. What is the moral approach to a person like this?