Not wanting to be good to spite my mother


#1

Hi I went to medjugorji five months ago, when I returned I could see sin more clearly it made me sad when I saw someone sin when I first came home I wanted pray and sing gods name all day long I would go out to the feild behind my house and pray alone and also read the book “words from heaven” and also a few of the books I got from the caritas mission house but I’m afraid it only lasted about 3 months I still pray but I’ve lost that feeling for the first few days after I came home from medjugorji my family and freinds would say that they could feel the Holy Spirit radiating from me i think it has a lot to do with me arguing with my mom all the time I like to pray when I want to pray it’s more rewarding for me but my mom forces me to read the bible and pray when I don’t feel like it for instance yesterday she woke me up from my sleep at 7 am made me read the bible aloud till 8 am I had 1 hour break she called me back at 9 am and forced me to pray aloud till 2 pm, 2PM!!! I couldn’t believe when I saw the time and this happens all the time because my mom can’t read or write so she forces me to read the bible and pray aloud sometimes I don’t wanna do things good to spite her like last Friday she forced me to get confession but I didn’t want to get confession Because there was a certain sin that I didn’t have the courage to confess yet so I went in the confessiononal and told the priest “I don’t want confession I’m just gonna sit her for a while and pretend to be getting confession” I said it in a disrespectful tone and I feel bad for the priest but things like this happen to be all the time it causes me to dislike praying and dislike reading the bible and I tell my mom what she’s doing to me but she doesn’t care


#2

You are describing emotional abuse. Some people try to use religion to emotionally manipulate others. I am so sorry you are subjected to this. Does your school have a counselor you can talk this over with?


#3

How old are you?

It’s good to read the Bible to your mom because she can’t. It would be good if you could both work out a time that is good for you both.


#4

18 and the thing is I don’t mind reading the bible but not for hours she doesn’t let me stop when i want to stop


#5

I also say the evilest of things tho like a while ago we where arguing because she was forcing me to read prayers again and after a while I started reading really fast for spite so couldn’t understand me and she said “the devil is inside you” and I said yep I know he is I love the devil and I hate god obviously I didn’t mean it I just said it to hurt her when I’m not with my mom I enjoy praying and reading the bible more


#6

Nobody likes to be forced to pray. I can see why you have bad feelings towards your mom about it. You say you are 18. Is that considered an adult in your country? If so, my advice is for you to branch out on your own so you aren’t dependent on your mom. You sound like a nice person, because you are concerned about these issues. Sometimes it is just best to move on to the next stage in life, rather than enduring the circumstances you are currently in. Good luck with all of this.


#7

I can’t leave in my culture your not an adult till your married


#8

Is this a new pattern since Medjugorje or has it always been like this? And was she also praying aloud during the 5 hours from 9-2? (Truth be told, if I had to pray for that long, I wouldn’t know even know how to get there. I mean, that’s excessive for non-monastics.)

If you have access to a counselor (whether at High School, college, or whatever) I think it’d be helpful to speak to them to help develop strategies to set boundaries. She needs to understand that being forced to pray isn’t good for your prayer life and maybe you could find a better way to schedule time for you to read the Bible to her.

As for the desire to spite your mother, perhaps speak to a priest about that. He might also clarify what obedience to your mother means for you now. (Assuming 18 years is an adult in your country.)
And with the sin you’re nervous about Confessing, remember that the priest isn’t there to judge you. He’s there to give you absolution and offer advice if you need it. It can definitely be nerve-wracking (I know there are times I’m not looking forward to Confessing something) but just remember you come out with a clean slate.


#9

Well then the culture would have zero adult priests. (Excepting Eastern rite.) I’d talk to your priest to clarify what the Church teaches in that regard.


#10

Irish traveller girls are not aloud to leave home until there married and it’s always been this way well at first it was just the bible then she got a smart phone and Facebook and there where lots of prayers that she couldn’t read so I had to read them then she started buying prayer books and I had to read those to her ps during the 5 hour period of prayer I read an entire prayer book then I had to read some prayers again for the WhatsApp prayer group sometimes I kept reading the same sentence over and over because I was reading the words but my mind was somewhere else


#11

I was once even considering becoming a nun but she spoiled it for me turned me against it my grandmother was so proud telling everyone that her granddaughter wanted to be a nun but my mum had to go and spoil it now I don’t wanna be a nun anymore


#12

Has your mother shown any interest in learning to read? Perhaps you could make a deal that if she tries learning, you’ll help her but that if she doesn’t, she can’t rely on you to do it for her all the time. That or encouraging audio books?

Like I said, talk to your priest. My guess is he’ll say you can leave prior to marriage.


#13

Rosie you are in my prayers. You do have a difficult situation. Be good for the Lord first. Even if only for the Lord. Pray for your mother, offer up your communion for your mother. Encourage your mom to seek out adult reading classes, the local school or library might be able to direct you. This will give her a future and she might be able to delight in prayer then.

It doesn’t take an adult too long to learn to read. Especially with a good teacher who might be able to find out if she needs a different method to learn. (I couldn’t learn using phonics. I had to learn sight words.)

Some of her behavior sounds like she might be depressed or some other medical issue. It’s painful for you both. Encourage her to see a doctor, maybe even a second opinion.


#14

You’re an adult and should demand a certain level of respect.

With all due respect, you’re culture can’t stop you from changing your situation. I would examine the laws of your country and make this decision for yourself.


#15

You are in our prayers. Is there a priest you can talk to? Are you near a social service agency where you can go talk to someone about leaving your situation? I know it is very hard because you are in a situation that doesn’t encourage interaction with outsiders.

To other people on this board, please know that this young woman is in a subculture in her country which makes it very difficult to leave the situation. Here is some information:


#16

Actually we are not like those travellers we don’t mix with them we’re not aloud to mix with them there odonahughs although they may seem charming to an outsider there actually very dangerous if u say the wrong thing to them they’d beat you up there also a lower class than us they get involved in a lot of illegal stuff if we’re at a party and they show we all get up and go home so just so everyone knows we are nothing like them and I don’t like being associated with them because my family abide by the law my dad works an honest living and pays his taxes I know you where only trying to help and I appreciate it and also we live in England not Ireland I think the Wikipedia on Irish travellers better discribes us


#17

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