Not wanting to get married


#1

Sorry if this is in the wrong section of the forum.

I was just curious, is it sinful to say things like, "I'm never going to get married!! I don't want to get married!" ?
I've said that many times before, because I really feel like I don't want to get married, especially after growing up and seeing arguements from my parents, etc. I don't want to live my life like that. At all. I know, it's not to say that your life has to be like your parents or whatever, but I feel like I'm better off alone, and that I can be single and happy.

However, lately I've been really thinking about it, and I feel like I am sinning against God by saying that. Afterall, it's God's will if I will be married or not, and if you love God, you should seek to do His will. By me saying those things, I guess I'm not seeking to do God's will, am I?


#2

I think that we can largely figure out God's will for our vocations by listening to our natural inclinations. Yours is not to be married, and as long as you are living chastely, there is nothing wrong with that.


#3

I've wondered this exact same thing too. My deepest respects to the institution of marriage itself, which was created by God.

However, I have mixed feelings about me getting married. I waiver between desiring it, and not desiring it.

I think the Church teaches that marriage is a vocation -- not all are called to it.


#4

It's not sinning , just an expression of your feelings, which are natural. Some people who marry base their expectations and interactions on what they saw their parents do and other consciously do the opposite. That's why it's important during the marriage preparation to discuss these expectations.

IMHO it's unlikely that God is calling you to marry against your will. But it's possible that God's plan for your life includes marriage. It's good that you recognize this and try not to let your prior experiences adversely affect your relationships with men. Ask God to bring healing into this area of your life so that you can be open to marriage if it should be His will, being confident that if it is His will it will be for your good.


#5

Some people are called to live a chaste single life until the day they pass from this world.


#6

Many people feel pressured to be married by their friends coworkers or society in general. What is wrong is to live in sin. Not being married is not a sin, just as it is not a sin not to be a priest or a deacon.

Living in sin is the hard part. Do not do this. I have sadly done this before, but now I am not and even though i feel slightly alone, i feel much better than when I was living in sin with a girlfriend. I didn't realize then that the only way to be happy is to live the way that I am supposed to live. I didn't see that before. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think much about it, I didn't realize that it was having such a negative degenerative effect on me. It makes sense when you think about it.

Every time we do what is wrong it goes against our own design. We are made in the image of God, so, we only feel right when we live as he would live. It's like trying to drive a car in the mud. It will go to an extent, but you slip and slide all over the place and you feel like your losing control of where your going. If you stomp on the gas to try to get things over with quickly it gets a lot worse a lot faster sometimes doing nothing but digging a rut. Once you go so far into the mud then it seems impossible to stop and then go in reverse to get back out of the situation. Then, the mud starts to get thicker the farther that you go because you're getting further off the road and then things start to really get messed up. Eventually, your car seems to break down on you right when you're in the worst part of the mud and very far from the road. This is provided that you don't slide into a tree or off a cliff.

So don't live in sin (live with someone when not married and have sex before marriage) because nothing good comes from when we do what is wrong. We think and hope that good things come from when we do what is wrong, but that is not what happens. Good things cannot come from evil deeds, it is impossible.

Take your time and do what is right. If and when you find someone who you really like a lot then you and they will know what to do about it. Be strong and do your best to learn the Bible and read the stories that are in it. There are many stories about women who get married. In time, if you live rightly, God will help you find the path that is best for you.


#7

You may be sinning. You should want to be opened to God’s healing power. You seem to have some wounds . There is no reason why you need to relive or hold on to someone else’s sin. You probably need to forgive your parents and move on from witnessing thier sin. Sacramental Marriage can be filled with the grace to overcome difficulties in life. No one needs to be abusive to their spouse. You can develop in the emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to be a good spouse.

Now , it is possible that you are not meant for a marriage vocation. You just need to stop focusing on your “feelings” which are not necessarily truth and develop a prayer life that will allow you to be open to direction from the Holy Spirit which will lead you in truth.


#8

[quote="Ana_v, post:3, topic:247323"]
I've wondered this exact same thing too. My deepest respects to the institution of marriage itself, which was created by God.

However, I have mixed feelings about me getting married. I waiver between desiring it, and not desiring it.

I think the Church teaches that marriage is a vocation -- not all are called to it.

[/quote]

Well I will say this. I was talking to a priest in SD he told me that it is a vocation to live a single celebate life. It is a call. It is a vocation. Think of how much you can do for the church without the responsibility of having a family. I felt the same way, I never had sex never will. I am straight and have a healthy outlook on sex and marriage! Sex is beautiful and it is a gift from God!! as is marriage. At the same time I feel that celebacy is as beautiful and a great way to suffer for Christ and to offer it up. Living a chaste single life is a true calling. I feel called to it in the very least and so far maybe priesthood. However that is up to Jesus as far as priesthood I want it badly but I know for sure that I am called to the single life and very happy in it. My thoughts on this subject. Scoob.


#9

[quote="Seatuck, post:7, topic:247323"]
You may be sinning. You should want to be opened to God's healing power. You seem to have some wounds . There is no reason why you need to relive or hold on to someone else's sin. You probably need to forgive your parents and move on from witnessing thier sin. Sacramental Marriage can be filled with the grace to overcome difficulties in life. No one needs to be abusive to their spouse. You can develop in the emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to be a good spouse.

Now , it is possible that you are not meant for a marriage vocation. You just need to stop focusing on your "feelings" which are not necessarily truth and develop a prayer life that will allow you to be open to direction from the Holy Spirit which will lead you in truth.

[/quote]

Seatuck, don't assume that she is sinning.

Chrystal, it is normal not to want to marry, especially if you come from a dysfunctional family.

How old are you, anyway? Not to want to get married is common at 15, less so as one ages, but still common. Especially for women, who often are very happy unmarried.

There is no obligation to marry. It is optional. It is also difficult. If God wants you to marry, you will find and fall in love with a suitable individual. If not, you won't.

In many ways, it is 'easier' not to marry. Your heart will tell you.


#10

[quote="Seatuck, post:7, topic:247323"]
You may be sinning.

[/quote]

While I agree with what you've written below, I strenuously disagree with your first sentence. This inclination against marriage seems to be part of our friend's deep psychology, and having any particular psychology is never a sin.

You should want to be opened to God's healing power. You seem to have some wounds . There is no reason why you need to relive or hold on to someone else's sin. You probably need to forgive your parents and move on from witnessing thier sin. Sacramental Marriage can be filled with the grace to overcome difficulties in life. No one needs to be abusive to their spouse. You can develop in the emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to be a good spouse.

Now , it is possible that you are not meant for a marriage vocation. You just need to stop focusing on your "feelings" which are not necessarily truth and develop a prayer life that will allow you to be open to direction from the Holy Spirit which will lead you in truth.


#11

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