Hey, I had another question to ask you guys. As I said before I'm 29, have gone to Protestant churches most of my life, an underemployed lawyer who has gone back to school for a Master's. I've gone to high-ranked schools, I've avoided drugs and partying, I have musical talent, I speak more than 1 language, I've traveled to 33 states as well as Europe and Asia, and my family background is decent. I've lived in many places in the USA--northern and southern California, the East Coast, and the Midwest.
But no matter where I go, I can't find dates no matter what I do. I feel like everywhere I go in the world, women are already in relationships, or have too much trouble going on in their lives. This problem gets worse and worse as I get older. No matter what I do (and I feel I do a lot socially), I can't find a date.
It's not like I'm shy or had all these childhood traumas. I lack the charismatic leadership to organize a party, but I'm pretty social. I can meet women, have conversation, make them laugh, get their number, and have a first meeting for coffee or lunch. But the follow-up is where I crash and burn.
I am totally impoverished in this area. I've never had an official girlfriend. Heck, I couldn't even find a date to my high school prom. I once was seeing someone for 4 months at age 25, but according to her we were never officially together.
Aside from that I feel like a virgin again. But here's where my thread is not the average thread.
Some people would say that's a great thing because I have no baggage, but ironically, I feel like a loser because of it. Why? Because I don't feel like virginity is fully my choice. If I was able to attract several women, and be able to reject a few every once in a while, then I wouldn't feel like such a loser. Or if I had sex with all these women in the past but now decided to repent of my sins, then I would feel good about feeling like a virgin.
But for me, I can't get laid no matter what I do, and that's why I feel like a loser--the fact that it's not by choice. I wish I had sex with all these girls so I wouldn't have to struggle with the feelings I'm struggling with. Of course it's a sin to have sex out of marriage, but I'm just being real and sharing the feelings I go through.
I think the two things that hold me back are my height and race. I feel like girls all want 6'2 white guys so they can come up to the guy's chest and feel secure. I'm 5'8 and Asian. Women won't date shorter men, and I hear Asians are at the bottom of the ladder in dating. We are stereotyped as geeky, too quiet, and too different. The things that are valued in Asia--stoicism, work as high priority, respecting tradition, respecting elders, decorum, and so on--are not values in the West. Asians also avoid physical affection in public, which is not a value in the West.
I've tried to be Americanized in all of these areas (after all, I am American too), but somehow I still feel that though women will say hi to me, they won't really care to get to know me on a better level.
I've always been most attracted to white women from an early age--that's just how I am. But I feel like white women don't like Asian men. Why are women attracted to whites, blacks, and Hispanics, but not Asians? Is it because there are few Asian actors in Hollywood?
Why are there so many white guy-Asian girl couples, but few Asian guy-white girl couples??
It's tough because I go to school again and there's lots of cute women on campus, but they're not in my program so they're hard to meet. Sometimes I can strike a conversation, but usually it's hard to come up with something to say. What do I say when there's nothing to say? And should I just go up to them in the library or at bars? Usually women are on the defensive in these places.
You might say I should meet girls at church. But to me, church is the hardest place to meet girls, because of the pretense of holiness required at church. If you try to get to know a girl at church, she automatically gets defensive because of the careful treading that the church culture requires when it comes to dating.
Recently I've tried not to care about such pretenses and just be myself. I've been able to get a few numbers and first meetings. But once again, I crash and burn at the follow-up.
No matter what I do, where I go, women are either in relationships or have too much going on in their lives.
It really sucks because I'm almost 30. Assuming it takes 2 years to connect with a woman enough to consider marriage, I'll be 32 at the minimum when I'm married.
Some of you are laughing as you read this. But it's not funny to me and I need to get the ball rolling now. And I don't feel called to the priesthood. Everyone tells me to pray, but I don't believe in praying for good grades and not studying. What do I do?