Now what? Want to become Catholic

Here I go again...please everyone ....have patience with me....

My story in a nutshell for people who are new to my life story...

I was baptized RC, adopted out of the faith....and started going to the Catholic Church early this year. I live with a man who is the father of our second child. We never married, and I am not available to marry because I never divorced my first husband. We had a child together also. It has never bothered me that we are not married until I let Jesus into my heart and started to want to please God...my partner and I stopped having marital relations months ago and we are both good with it...He is 63 and I am 43.

I have been feeling pressured to take care of things so as to marry my partner from the priest and my spiritual advisor, and I was going along with it, however I truly feel in my heart that we should live together as brother and sister and he is fine either way. Even if we did marry eventually it would not be valid I would be feeling that I was doing it just to become a member of the Catholic Church.

If I say to my priest I am living together with this man, whom I love, and do not feel I am to marry, but live together as brother and sister, I dont see the problem with becoming confirmed, after a confession of course.

Naturally, I have not been receiving communion as many at church know I am not married to the man I'm living with. I do not feel this is fair either, if I go to confession.

My question...how do I make my priest understand all this....he practically insists I get a divorce , anulment and get re-married....I feel this is against my conscience....

ps I have been also going to the RCIA, but only the inquiry stage...I cannot continue though as I thought I should wait unitl my anulment went through, after the divorce and then get re-married. But since I do not feel I should have to go through with this to become confirmed and receive communion....perhaps I should continue with the classes, as this week they are starting the catecism classes.

Thats all for now.

First of all, you are right not to go against your conscience. That said, of course you have a duty to form your conscience, and probably your priest is your best guide. He certainly knows your situation better than we can here. I am sure you have explained to him your situation in much more detail than you possibly could in an online forum. It is unfortunately true that in this fallen world of ours you could get bad advice from a priest, but you can also get bad advice from an online forum, and from your own (limited) conscience.

RCIA should also be a source of help in understanding the Church's teachings more clearly, and helping you to form your conscience. Also, remember that applying for an annulment does not automatically mean getting one. The annulment process should also be a discernment process. It might really help you to begin that process, and make it clear as you go along that you are really looking for understanding.

All of these rules, procedures, do's and don'ts are all to help us grow closer to God. If you are feeling confused, and getting advice that you do not feel totally comfortable with, so that no matter what you do you are not 100% sure it is the right thing, you can also offer to God your own confusion and uncertainty as you would any other suffering. You are trying to do the right thing. Good! Keep trying!

how do I make my priest understand all this....he practically insists I get a divorce , anulment and get re-married

You are correct in saying that as long as you and your partner do not have sexual relations, you are not in a state of sin, and are free to receive the sacraments.

However, your priest cannot think ONLY of your welfare; he has to take into account the scandal that could potentially be given to others who would wonder how come you could receive Communion when you're living with a man outside marriage. It could lead them to believe that cohabitation is OK or not a serious sin, and thus endanger their souls.

If you do not want to divorce your ex, get an annulment and marry your partner in the Church at this time, you might want to consider attending Mass in a parish where people do not know you or your situation (if that's a reasonable option).

Naturally, I have not been receiving communion as many at church know I am not married to the man I'm living with. I do not feel this is fair either, if I go to confession.

Even if you make an agreement with your priest under spiritual advisement to live as brother and sister you will still not be able to receive communion out in the open at your parish since it would be a scandal since so many people know. You would have to go elsewhere. That is why your priest is asking you to work through the annulment process. It's not the ideal situation. The living together as brother and sister is not to be taken lightly and is only more on the end of last resort not as a "no big deal " type solution.

ewtn.com/expert/answers/communion_of_divorced_and_remarr.htm

usccb.org/dpp/Eucharist.pdf

[quote="FMLJoliecouer, post:1, topic:177011"]
My question...how do I make my priest understand all this....he practically insists I get a divorce , anulment and get re-married....I feel this is against my conscience....

[/quote]

May I ask what it is your conscience is saying to prevent you from obtaining a divorce from your first husband?

Thanks everyone...

Oh...my conscience isnt stopping me from divorcing my first husband....that is a money issue, but I have way bigger issues in my life preventing me from affording a divorce.

However, my conscience was stopping me from marrying my partner of 9 years,,, but I have been in a process of discernment lately, and have realized the biggest obstacle in me marrying my partner stemmed back to sexual abuse issues from an older brother....

Recently through the grace of God, I am just beginning a new chapter with Jesus in my faith journey and its called trust.

I probably will not comment on this again for a long time....as I need to just let go and let God

Blessings to all

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