I hope this is the right forum for this, as I know other parents are great sources of information based on experience.
My precious 23 yr. old younger daughter is getting married next June. She and her dear fiance are both practicing Catholics (she is a cradle Catholic, he was baptized into the Catholic Church as an infant but his parents did a lousy job of nurturing the faith; he went through RCIA a couple of years back and was confirmed.)
Both dd and fiance are sweet, kindhearted, and extremely sensitive to others, which has given rise to a problem. They have said they are seriously considering having a Catholic ceremony rather than Mass, as so many of the wedding party are not Catholic and they do not want them to feel “left out” of receiving Communion. I know this originated with her fiance, as he has spoken of how awkward he felt before completing RCIA when he would attend Mass with her (they are quite faithful in church attendance and highly moral young people, btw.)
The thought of no nuptial Mass makes me just about fly around the room backwards!!! We (her dad and I) have plainly stated our feelings, which she understands. We’ve told her that for practicing Catholics, the nuptial Mass is the norm; that it is about the two of them, not the wedding party; that anyone (wedding party) who chooses can go through RCIA and receive Communion, too; that they need all the special graces they can get (especially because of his wacky family!) She has said she will discuss it with her fiance, and with the priest who will marry them (brilliant, good priest) but has given no guarantees.
Her fiance is a sweetie, but has real self-esteem issues attributable to his mother favoring one child over the others. He tends to be anxious and self-conscious (he felt as if he stuck out like a sore thumb when he could not yet go to Communion) and this explains his extreme empathy with others - sometimes a good thing, but not in this case. He fears criticism, so I am most hesitant to discuss this with him directly.
I am looking for the right words to convey how they will be cheating themselves if they “settle” for just the ceremony. I well understand that it would be appropriate were one of them non-Catholic, but that is not the case. This is really bothering me, but I don’t want to badger my daughter who can tend to dig in her little heels and defend him. (They will be a great married couple and parents, I have no doubt; I just want them to start off in the best, holiest way possible.) I hate to think of them “settling” for less than the best (Holy Eucharist) because of the sensibilities of others. Any suggestions, insights? Thanks in advance.