Obeying your parents, yet again


#1

Well this time I was introduced to ehpesians 6:1-4, now brother says this is proof that you have to blindly obey your parents no matter what for the rest of your life. And he says this is irrerutable proof that “honor thy mothor and father” commandment means obey them. So one questions does the word “children” mean until your an adult, are their any age distinctions in the bible where you become an adult and no longer under the authority of your parents.


#2

The duties of children

2214 The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood;16 this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother17 is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.18

2215 Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from *gratitude *toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. "With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?"19

2216 Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. "My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. . . . When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you."20 "A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."21

2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."22 Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so. As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.23

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.24 O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.25

**2219** Filial respect promotes harmony in all of family life; it also concerns *relationships between brothers and sisters*. Respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged."26 "With all humility and meekness, with patience, [support] one another in charity."27  

2220 For Christians a special gratitude is due to those from whom they have received the gift of faith, the grace of Baptism, and life in the Church. These may include parents, grandparents, other members of the family, pastors, catechists, and other teachers or friends. "I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you."28


#3

It doesn’t sound like desptic obediance to me. It sounds like simply reinterating “honour thy father and thy mother”. It reminds me of a question I asked about Romans 13 where it says to obey the higher athurities. Listen Paul wrote both these things and yet as you should know he died a myrters death because he wouldn’t give up his faith (didn’t obey the higher powers). To me it sounds like you should do whatever your parents ask you till the point where is goes agianst what God says. They say mow the lawn, you mow: Wax the car, You wax; apostosy, no; thats were the hounor stops.
I would tell your brother, “well theres God the ‘father’ I think he is the first father I should obey.” or something to that extent and then throw him into the pool and tell him to tell your parents he fell in :cool: , Like my sister did when I was five. (ok maybe not throw him the pool), but yeah you get the Idea. God is the bigger parent of whom you should “obey”. I hope this helps.


#4

[quote=Montie Claunch]It doesn’t sound like desptic obediance to me. It sounds like simply reinterating “honour thy father and thy mother”. It reminds me of a question I asked about Romans 13 where it says to obey the higher athurities. Listen Paul wrote both these things and yet as you should know he died a myrters death because he wouldn’t give up his faith (didn’t obey the higher powers). To me it sounds like you should do whatever your parents ask you till the point where is goes agianst what God says. They say mow the lawn, you mow: Wax the car, You wax; apostosy, no; thats were the hounor stops.
I would tell your brother, “well theres God the ‘father’ I think he is the first father I should obey.” or something to that extent and then throw him into the pool and tell him to tell your parents he fell in :cool: , Like my sister did when I was five. (ok maybe not throw him the pool), but yeah you get the Idea. God is the bigger parent of whom you should “obey”. I hope this helps.
[/quote]

He agnologed the part were you don’t have to if it conflicts with your faith, but he goes so far that if I’m 19 on my own and my parents tellme I have to come back and live with them then I have to, if they choose a wife then I haver to accept her. I mean when does that actual authority end, I mean authority they have over you as a child has to end somepoint at adulthood…


#5

[quote=Valtiel]He agnologed the part were you don’t have to if it conflicts with your faith, but he goes so far that if I’m 19 on my own and my parents tellme I have to come back and live with them then I have to, if they choose a wife then I haver to accept her. I mean when does that actual authority end, I mean authority they have over you as a child has to end somepoint at adulthood…
[/quote]

Is your brother following his own advice? Would he accept a woman simply because his parents chose her for him? What denomination does he belong to? His belief system sounds very extreme.

The goal of good parenting is to prepare their children to stand on their own two feet. This is very difficult for a loving mom or dad to do. It doesn’t sound like the problem, though, is with your parents but with your brother. It sounds like he is trying to use religion and parental love to manipulate you into doing what he wants.

If you are completly self supporting, then no, you aren’t obligated to move back in with your parents. Although if something was physcially wrong with them and they needed extra care, moving back in would be a very Christian thing to do. You should though be polite and listen to their advice, even if you don’t always follow it.

As far as parents picking out a wife…if your parents have not suggested this then don’t worry. Your parents are probably not even aware of your brother’s views. I have come across a courtship website-a long, long time ago- that did actually advocate the parent picking the daughter’s husband. This struck me as nutty then as it does now. That is why I asked about his denomination.


#6

[quote=deb1]Is your brother following his own advice? Would he accept a woman simply because his parents chose her for him? What denomination does he belong to? His belief system sounds very extreme.

The goal of good parenting is to prepare their children to stand on their own two feet. This is very difficult for a loving mom or dad to do. It doesn’t sound like the problem, though, is with your parents but with your brother. It sounds like he is trying to use religion and parental love to manipulate you into doing what he wants.

If you are completly self supporting, then no, you aren’t obligated to move back in with your parents. Although if something was physcially wrong with them and they needed extra care, moving back in would be a very Christian thing to do. You should though be polite and listen to their advice, even if you don’t always follow it.

As far as parents picking out a wife…if your parents have not suggested this then don’t worry. Your parents are probably not even aware of your brother’s views. I have come across a courtship website-a long, long time ago- that did actually advocate the parent picking the daughter’s husband. This struck me as nutty then as it does now. That is why I asked about his denomination.
[/quote]

No it was more like were still arguing over my smoking issue, I told him that the original commandment did not include obeying your parents, he came and gave me epeshians, but I’m womdering, do I still have to obey my parents, even though at 19 I am an adult and no longer a “Child”. And is their any age where your not under parents authority as you were as say at 18 and before…


#7

[quote=Valtiel]No it was more like were still arguing over my smoking issue, I told him that the original commandment did not include obeying your parents, he came and gave me epeshians, but I’m womdering, do I still have to obey my parents, even though at 19 I am an adult and no longer a “Child”. And is their any age where your not under parents authority as you were as say at 18 and before…
[/quote]

I think that you are going to have to tell your brother that you are both going to have to ‘agree to disagree’. ALthough your parents have a problem with your smoking, I think that even they would agree that your brother is being a bit overbearing. Does he have control issues?

As far as obeying your parents once you establish a house…Are you parents actually ordering you to do anything or is this just an issue that your brother has turned into something to beat you over the head with. It doesn’t sound like it is your parents that you have a problem with, just your brother.

How is your relationship with your parents? Do you call them and spend time with them? Do you help out when they need it? Are you respectful to them? If the answer is yes to these questions then don’t let your brother bother you.


#8

[quote=deb1]I think that you are going to have to tell your brother that you are both going to have to ‘agree to disagree’. ALthough your parents have a problem with your smoking, I think that even they would agree that your brother is being a bit overbearing. Does he have control issues?

As far as obeying your parents once you establish a house…Are you parents actually ordering you to do anything or is this just an issue that your brother has turned into something to beat you over the head with. It doesn’t sound like it is your parents that you have a problem with, just your brother.

How is your relationship with your parents? Do you call them and spend time with them? Do you help out when they need it? Are you respectful to them? If the answer is yes to these questions then don’t let your brother bother you.
[/quote]

I’m right here in their house, typing to you…
It was just something he said when he brought up epephsians and then asked me if I’d still smoke now, and I said yes I’m not a child. I asked him when do we stop being under authority of our parents, he said we are all children of our parents regardless and are to obey them. I asked him “then well what about if your parents tell you were to live and what wife you can have, does that sound like something God has in mind when obeying your parents”, and he just hapharzardly said “well then yes we have to obey them”. So do I have to obey my parents, I mean I can respect their wishes and not smoke where they tell me not, but do I have to give up smoking as an adult because they say so???


#9

[quote=Valtiel]He agnologed the part were you don’t have to if it conflicts with your faith, but he goes so far that if I’m 19 on my own and my parents tellme I have to come back and live with them then I have to, if they choose a wife then I haver to accept her. I mean when does that actual authority end, I mean authority they have over you as a child has to end somepoint at adulthood…
[/quote]

Pray for your brother and look to the Catechism…it is very clear on this point.


#10

[quote=LSK]Pray for your brother and look to the Catechism…it is very clear on this point.
[/quote]

If I had one with me…

Is there an online one???


#11

Yes there is! scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm

I started reading it last year - and I just finished. I promised myself to read about 15 minutes a day and it is FABULOUS. It taught me so much about my Faith - I knew the basics, but reading the Catechism really has added to and deepened my prayer life!
Another thing - and this is just a suggestion but it might work - from now on, instead of answering him wait until he is finished talking and say, "Thank you so much for loving me like you do. I have been doubly blessed - once by being a Catholic and again by having a brother that cares as much about me as you. "

Then just watch him stand there and stutter.


#12

[quote=LSK]Yes there is! scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm

I started reading it last year - and I just finished. I promised myself to read about 15 minutes a day and it is FABULOUS. It taught me so much about my Faith - I knew the basics, but reading the Catechism really has added to and deepened my prayer life!
Another thing - and this is just a suggestion but it might work - from now on, instead of answering him wait until he is finished talking and say, "Thank you so much for loving me like you do. I have been doubly blessed - once by being a Catholic and again by having a brother that cares as much about me as you. "

Then just watch him stand there and stutter.
[/quote]

This is good advice. Your brother isn’t going to be happy with you while you are Catholic so stop arguing. I think that he has deeper issues then your smoking or obeying your parents. Maybe the only way to deal with this is to beat him up with kindness.


#13

[quote=LSK]Yes there is! scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm

I started reading it last year - and I just finished. I promised myself to read about 15 minutes a day and it is FABULOUS. It taught me so much about my Faith - I knew the basics, but reading the Catechism really has added to and deepened my prayer life!
Another thing - and this is just a suggestion but it might work - from now on, instead of answering him wait until he is finished talking and say, "Thank you so much for loving me like you do. I have been doubly blessed - once by being a Catholic and again by having a brother that cares as much about me as you. "

Then just watch him stand there and stutter.
[/quote]

Oh trust me he doesn’t care, he just loves being right. I tell you he’s the apitamy of a 16 year prep brat, he’ll do everything to the contrary my parents say, whine when he doesn’t get his way and never comes home on time when he’s supposed to, I can go on and on. I don’t know what his reaction would be to that, but I can see…


#14

[quote=Valtiel]Well this time I was introduced to ehpesians 6:1-4, now brother says this is proof that you have to blindly obey your parents no matter what for the rest of your life.
[/quote]

Do you have to really blindly follow your parents? If they ask you to steal, murder and cheat, will you still follow them then?


#15

[quote=Valtiel]Oh trust me he doesn’t care, he just loves being right. I tell you he’s the apitamy of a 16 year prep brat, he’ll do everything to the contrary my parents say, whine when he doesn’t get his way and never comes home on time when he’s supposed to, I can go on and on. I don’t know what his reaction would be to that, but I can see…
[/quote]

Ah, now I see. I thought that he was older then you. He is only 16 and full of himself. Probably a little know it all but then so is almost everybody at that age.:wink:

Annoy him by not getting angry. Don’t let him bother you. Your modeling good Catholic behavior might influence him later down the road. I know that it is hard now but your brother will change so much in a few years and things that he despises now can become what he embraces later. One day he might just ask you to teach him about religion.:slight_smile:


#16

well…


#17

Just TRY the ‘God what would I do without you. I am so blessed to have you in my life" approach. Especially if he is the big ol’ brat that most 16 year olds are (except me - I was perfect when I was 16…just ask my Mom…oh, wait - not her) he will be flabergasted, call you an inappropriate name and then leave you alone. AND no matter WHAT he comes up with - just keep answering him with that - and add a giant bear hug.


#18

I can do that but I still need answers to the parents and authority in adult hood…


#19

[quote=Valtiel]I can do that but I still need answers to the parents and authority in adult hood…
[/quote]

If yoy read Catechism 2214 - 2220 which Buffalo kindly quoted you will see that fully answers your question.


#20

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