So, there have been an awful lot of threads about scrupulosity and OCD. All of them got me thinking about my own struggles with OCD. I also tend towards OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder)…although I haven’t been officially diagnosed with that…but I definitely have several traits lol!
My worst time with it was about 8 yrs ago when I was pregnant with my younger daughter…it flared up so badly…I should have been on meds but I was in denial and didn’t want to take anything during pregnancy. That daughter ended up having OCD as well…we have her on Zoloft and she was in therapy for a while.
Anyone else want to discuss their journey and struggle with this monster?
Friend, where donI begin??? Mine started when I was a teenager and it’s at its worst right now. I do have scrupulosity ( Religious OCD) but I also struggle with POCD, HOCD, and magical thinking OCD. The worst part was confession. Holy buckets did that ever make it flare up. I have been hospitalized, I have isolated myself, I’ve gone weeks without eating much, days without sleeping, and have developed severe depression because of it. I cannot
Mine started when I was 13. It stared with Blasphemy so a variation of Religious OCD. The worst part was that the good priests I would go to for help had no idea what I had so for a long time I just let it destroy me mentally because I thought it was just me. It slowly turned into obsessions with my weight. I had to weigh a specific number otherwise I felt like it was just not right. Over the years, the mental anguish of confession and communion caused by my OCD lead me to leave the church. During this time I developed my next obsession which was ROCD ( relationship OCD). I loved my boyfriend at the time, but I constantly had thoughts that he noticed all my flaws and that I wasn’t good enough for him. I had to be perfect, or he wouldn’t love me was my thought all day. I would obsess over where he was, what he has doing and with who, but since I had to be perfect, he never knew this. I told no one and did all this on my own. It was tornment. I would see girls and the thought would come right away “ he’d probably like her more than me.” “ She looks like the kind of girl who’d make him happy”. I also had the other thought where I tight maybe I didn’t love him after all. Either way, eventually we broke up and I developed severe depression. It was during this time that I first got POCD, and my Blasphemy OCD returned mixed with scrupulosity and this deep feeling that God doesn’t love me. Right now I am struggling with these still, and also with magical thinking. The other day I had to put a potato chip I was about to eat back in the bag because if I didn’t it meant that I wanted something bad to happen to my brother. Also, today I had cake and I won’t even get into my issues with the frosting. OCD destroyed everything. I mean, I can’t even eat frosting now!
Mine is POCD, ROCD, and confession OCD. Right now that last one is the one that is bothering me the most. I feel the urge to confess all my obsessions to my mom or to anyone who’ll listen. My poor mom is exhausted and it makes me feel terrible for it. Right now I am doing ERP, but it’s just been super painful so I think I’m going to ask for a different therapy type or a different therapist all together.
Also, i was thinking about posting a thread about how severe an issue that it seems to be on CAF and suggest we help each other and to help posters when they encounter terrible advice from others. Etc. I have seen downright terrible posts that i have tried to warn against, flag, etc.
(((hugs))) to everyone here! I can relate with what everyone has said.
I’ve always had issues with Obsessions and Compulsions as far as I can remember. I also have a somewhat photographic memory. I’ve read that it’s common with OCD b/c of our obsession with ruminating on subject…boy, do I do that!
My biggest issues now are germophobia and hypochondria. I go so far as to set my toothbrush far away from the rest of my family’s and wash my hand over every little thing. I’ve driven back home to check to make sure the garage door is locked or that candles are blown out and doors are locked. I check things several times. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was convinced that she was going to have Down Syndrome b/c I read an article saying there was a correlation between a gene polymorphism that I have and Down Syndrome…oh boy, I soon developed a fear of the numbers 21 and 24 and 47. It would get so bad that I wouldn’t get behind a car if the license plate added up to one of those numbers. I would repeatedly check her ultrasound pictures and compare them to ones on the internet of various conditions. I’m so embarrassed about that but I can talk about it now finally. I’m sure all the worrying I did and the increase in cortisol didn’t help her at all!
I’ve also dealt with scrupulosity in the past although, with a good confessor, I’m making progress there. I can’t tolerate being around other people who are obsessive about rules though…makes me cringe and I get very uncomfortable. I’m not well enough yet to ignore it.
this was partly why I started this thread…there was a ridiculous amount of it on here. I figured we could all support each other and educate others who don’t know much about it.
I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter has it too. Me and two of my sisters have it, but my mom doesn’t have it at all. We all believe it may be my dad, but he has a thing against mental health help lol! I don’t think it had anything to do with your worries that she inherited it.
And I remember EVERYTHING too! Especially my sins and mistakes to the point that I can almost swear that my memories are 90% past sins and embarrassing/painful memories, but I’ve had so many good things happen to me and I have a beautiful family. The good memories just don’t stick.
I think in general people need to know more about it. If there is this much on the forum, think how many people with OCD are suffering it in our churches without asking for help because of the shame that comes with this thing? Such few people know about OCD, and even fewer people know about OCD beyond scrupulosity. It’s such a deeply emotional and spiritual problem that there needs to be more awareness.
It just makes it more obvious that people don’t know about it. It makes one feel more alone. Once a priest recommended that I do the sign of the cross when I had intrusive thoughts. I didn’t want to contradict him, but all I could think was how if I did that, I would be making the sign of the cross compulsion until the end of the world and there would be no stopping me. Life’s hard
Yes, I think I inherited this from my dad too. My other daughter shows signs of it but nothing that’s too bad, although I’m keeping an eye on her as she gets older. It’s as if both my girls are on polar opposite sides of the OCD spectrum…I have a neat freak and a hoarder lol! their room is something else!
Yes! I totally get this…i would often get so tied up with saying a prayer perfectly or a certain number of times that the whole point of praying just passed over me…it was ridiculous! I even remember as a kid that I would go back and restart my prayers if I left out something! I still have to remind myself that God knows everything and He knows what I want to ask him even if I forget!
I once had one read an exorcism prayer for me during confession because I told him about my Blasphemy OCD ! He was a sweet elderly priest though so I should have known better. The again at the time I didn’t even know it was OCD so I wish one of us had known. It would have spared me from so much.
OCD is extremely misunderstood. I am fortunate that i have a good Confessor who understands the proper pastoral approach to dealing with the scrupulous. The fact that i have read how a Scrupulous penitent is to listen and not doubt their Confessor has helped too. It takes a leap to allow someone else to guide your conscience, but it has felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. That is always why i tell posters with this problem to trust their confessor and do not shop for answers on the internet.
The Rosary used to take me hours, and I was in tears the whole time because I had to go back and re-say the Hail Mary’s I had said without paying full attention! Don’t even get me started with confession! I mean, it was a cycle of confessing and re-confessing all my painful embarrassing and hurtful sins because I left something out, because I didn’t fully explain, because I wasn’t sure if I hid something. It’s like running in a hamster wheel.
I know it! I can only make generic confessions, and I still live in dread that maybe I deceived my priest into thinking I have severe OCD so Incould get out of confession. I’ve had to stop myself from going to confession to different priests behind his back.
I remember there was a time that it was so difficult to sit through Mass or pray because i would be bombarded by the most vile thoughts. The best way i have learned is to react as little as possible. It might start as waiting 10 or 30 seconds before you say a mental prayer or cleansing thought, but eventually you can get to where you can wait 5 minutes and eventually, you realize you arent being bombarded constantly.
I’ve had probably most of the major types of obsessions to some extent at some point, often in weird (dare I say unholy :p) combinations, but my obsessions for the past several years have had primarily to do with contamination related to “impurity” (which is behaviour- or character-based).
It has been extremely debilitating, stressful and time-consuming and has had a terrible overall impact on my life. I would urge any sufferer out there to not wait to get help; find a good therapist and confessor. This past year has been a lot more manageable for me.
I also have OCD (clinically diagnosed) related to behaviour; namely, can I control my own thoughts? Will I do something evil despite having good principles? There are specific strategies for dealing with it; the most important step is to recognize it as OCD (compared to say, depression or generalized anxiety) and treat it accordingly. You’re in good company.