I want to seek some advice/opinions about this question.
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which affects my life in two main ways: 1. Washing: clothes, hands, and worrying about ‘contamination’, and 2. Spirituality: scrupulosity: lack of trust in God, obsessive and intrusive bad thoughts which canuse lots of anxiety and obsessing about mortal sin and this especially concerning the sacraments of Holy Communion and Confession.
I’ve read some books about scrupulosity and found them helpful, but not the cure. One was UNDERSTANDING SCRUPULOSITY, by Fr Thomas Santa. I’m also trying to find a regular confessor whom I can trust. I’m currently seeing a therapist as well.
But anyway, my concern is this: having been on medications for anxiety in the past, I know that although they help mood and reduce anxiety, ultimately they don’t work for me, since the don’t address the underlying problem, which for me is ultimately lack of trust in God: in this ability to heal me, in His grace to uphold me, so that I don’t need to do all the OCD things that I feel compelled to do.
I was hoping to get better by Grace alone, but last week, I was feeling quite desperate, and so I began taking an anti-depressant, one that is used for OCD and anxiety. Now my concern is that, by taking medication, I’m removing the opportunity for God to heal me by His grace alone, and I’ve chosen like an easy option, just take a pill and your problems diminish, instead of taking up the cross and following the Lord.
I feel that I really should not take the medication, yet last week I was feeling bad, my OCD was very bad, I was very anxious. But now I’m thinking that you really should go cold turkey, and wait for the Lord, pick up your cross, etc… Only trouble is, I’ve taking about 7 or 8 tablets, over the course of 7 or 8 days, I’m not sure it is safe to stop now, I may have to check with a chemist or doctor.
But I guess my main question is, is it a lack of faith to take this medication, when ultimately, the issue is a lack of trust and faith in God, and an unwillingness to take up one’s cross? At least that is how it seems to me.