Ok, so here's one on abstinence for a married couple


#1

My girlfriend is 20wks pregnant; at a routine u/s they told her she had placenta previa, which is where the placenta forms under the baby, between the baby and the cervix (thereby blocking the baby’s grand entranceway). The docs put her on “pelvic bedrest” meaning no “marital act” until her 6wk post partum checkup…she’s devastated, and while she knows her hubby will understand completely, they will both miss eachother greatly (in that way, that is). The doctor told her "that’s not to say you can’t do other things, but no actual “doing the deed” – so since they won’t be “preventing life” b/c she is already pregnant, is it sinful for them to “be together” without actually having sex? (i.e. doing other things with eachother – nothing nasty, mind you, but physical intimacy that doesn’t include the dangerous activity)

What say you all?? I didn’t know what to tell her; I mean, in theory it’s not spilling life-giving anything, b/c she’s already pregnant, and it’s not to “replace an act that could conceive life” b/c she’s already pregnant, kwim?


#2

[quote=leaner]My girlfriend is 20wks pregnant; …**The doctor told her **"that’s not to say you can’t do other things, but no actual “doing the deed” – so since they won’t be “preventing life” b/c she is already pregnant, is it sinful for them to “be together” without actually having sex? (i.e. doing other things with eachother – nothing nasty, mind you, but physical intimacy that doesn’t include the dangerous activity)

What say you all?? I didn’t know what to tell her; I mean, in theory it’s not spilling life-giving anything, b/c she’s already pregnant, and it’s not to “replace an act that could conceive life” b/c she’s already pregnant, kwim?
[/quote]

To have/enjoy orgasm independent/outside the marital act is never morally licit (when it does not culminate in intercourse). Although the wife is naturally infertile during pregnancy, the procreative potential of the marital act is still present (husband’s sperm) and must consummate in intercouse to be morally licit.

I hope that this doctor is not Catholic since he is dispensing advice contrary to Catholic moral theology. This doctor should stick to dispensing medicine and leave morality to the Church.


#3

I don’t think the doctor stepped into the realm of morality. The doc told her what will potentially harm her baby and what will not. I take no qualms with the doc.

That aside, I think a great problem today is that doctors tend to think that they can divorce morality and their profession. Morality and ethics infuse our lives and permeate them. They cannot be divorced from certain aspects of our lives. A doctor is culpable for any immoral acts he does, allows, or encourages.

None of this answers the OP, though. I believe your friend finds herself in a position in which she and her husband need to spend some time in conversation with each other, the Lord, and their spiritual advisor. Obviously, some intimacy is always allowed. Kissing and hugging do not need to lead to sex. I think they need to decide on what they will and will not do up front, so neither feels hurt and they are supported and going through it together (for the sake of their baby’s well being). Welcome to parenthood, huh? lol.


#4

Originally Posted by leaner
The doctor told her “that’s not to say you can’t do other things, but no actual "doing the deed

[quote=Forest-Pine]I don’t think the doctor stepped into the realm of morality

. The doc told her what will potentially harm her baby and what will not. I take no qualms with the doc.
Really??

Would it make any difference if the doctor identified him/herself as Catholic?

That aside, I think a great problem today is that doctors tend to think that they can divorce morality and their profession. Morality and ethics infuse our lives and permeate them. They cannot be divorced from certain aspects of our lives. A doctor is culpable for any immoral acts he does, allows, or encourages.

It sounds like this Doc took the plunge into, or at least pointed the couple to the plethora offering of sexual expression with moral implications, with his non-medical sexualy activity offering.
[/quote]


#5

Ok, I have always been a high risk case when prego due to the rareness of my uterine develpoment (I have 1/2 the normal size uterus). Any orgasm on the mother’s side could cause pre-term labor. Maybe they could think of it as a sacrifice for the health of their child. My babies have all been to NICU and it is not the first option you want, some longer than others. I have seen babies as big as your hand, 25 weeks, and the machines, tubes, monitors you would not want to deal with unless you had too!

As for waitting till 6 wks post partumn, I have a little story my mother of all things said about a friend of hers.

This is a guy saying this, “if you think you want to have sex with your wife who has just given birth to your child, go over to an open window, place your (you know what) on the sill. Slam the window down. By the time you are thinking of having sex again, she will probably be ready.”

Sorry for the graphics! The body needs time to heal, and dealing with a new baby is exhausting!!! It will probably take 6 weeks or more till the mother feels ready. This her first baby? My sister got to deliver Vag, and she ripped to a 3.5 (you more experienced mothers understand how far that is). Those stitches hurt according to her. I had C-sections, so I do not know. But when she accidently slid off the couch and ripped them open due to rubbing against her clothes, she bled and had to go back in for more stitches. That does not sound to apealing to me.

I think the point of the matter, there is more to marital bliss than sex. How about a foot rubb or a shared bowl of ice cream while watching a good movie?


#6

Must be the first child!

According to my wife, MOST of her girlfriends were like her in that between swelling, heartburn, constant lack of sleep from being uncomfortable, hip pain and some amount of back pain, IT ain’t happening much in the third trimester anyways! I think that was supposed to make me feel better. :slight_smile: It didn’t much, but we survived.

Maybe this story will make THEM feel better…


#7

[quote=manualman]Must be the first child!

According to my wife, MOST of her girlfriends were like her in that between swelling, heartburn, constant lack of sleep from being uncomfortable, hip pain and some amount of back pain, IT ain’t happening much in the third trimester anyways! I think that was supposed to make me feel better. :slight_smile: It didn’t much, but we survived.

Maybe this story will make THEM feel better…
[/quote]

:amen:

And there’s a good chance the previa will go away on it’s own prior to delivery. I was diagnosed with that around 20 weeks - with my last pregnancy and the placenta moved up to where it was supposed to be… hmm… I want to say by about 30 weeks. An ultra sound confirmed this. So we got the greenlight again… but I agree with this poster… with the heartburn… lack of sleep… just being so HUMUNGOUS… who’s in the mood anyhow? :nope:


#8

Yep, it’s already been said, anything leading to climax outside of intercourse (or for that matter even seriously tempting one to climax), is not permissable. One way to view the sexual act is an action of unity that mirrors the comunion of the Holy Trinity. There is no way to mimic that without the real deal.

I’ve had that exact question answered in confession. Maybe your friend will be comforted to know that there are other married people who do go through that and make the sacrifice. I was one of them - although we started abstaining pretty much from the beginning of my first pregnancy. If it were me, I’d check back in with my MD on that one periodically. If the placenta moves back into a normal position, I’d be asking my doctor if I still needed to abstain.


#9

There are many different reasons a married couple may go through periodic abstinence.Some couples are even faced with permanent abstinence due to illness or injury. It is never ok to do “anything else” sexually. Take this time to show your love in other ways that are pure and chaste.

My hubby is in the military and will be going away for 6 months. We will both be chaste during his absence as we have been during his previous absences. It is very tough to get through, but it is not the end of the world.

Malia


#10

Ok, yes on the heartburn etc, but I have to say, I love the second trimester (as does DH) – no more puking, feeling great, not too big, baby kicking, feeling incredibly “woman-like” and proud of myself…(not that I don’t normally, but it’s ahem pronounced during the 3-6mo period…lol) – DH looks forward to the second trimester too…in fact, before I m/c’d, he joked about the wait of the first trimester blues being well worth it…LOL

Thanks all for your input, I do appreciate the advice and insight. As for the docs, we’re military with facilities on base, so we dont’ get to choose a doctor based on beliefs, or we would, trust me. I don’t expect much from doctors in the morality area…suppose I should, but continual disappointment brings…what’s the word I’m looking for? I’m not surprised, is all…


#11

[quote=leaner]What say you all??
[/quote]

I say it is no one else’s business what her and her husband do in their marital bed.


#12

No fun. We are only 12 weeks in (4th pregnancy) and already have gotten the red light.

What do I do? Lots of prayer and scripture reading for the mind, and weights for the body. Helps some.


#13

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