Okay.. a little support here would be nice


At my dh’s urging we have begun attending the parish of our new home rather than traveling to the old one.

Some irritations I’ve noted…

hand holding during the Our Father (complete with hand, elbow tap just in case you didn’t notice their hand in front of you)

when you are half through the Euchairstic reception line you hear a booming male voice from the music section announce over the loud speakers “please turn to hymn #000 and join us in our song of praise!”

young children get to leave during the mass for children’s liturgy - complete with a kind lady telling your kids, “Don’t you want to go have fun? Come on dear!” and now mom is the bad guy for saying “NO thank you” and physically turning dc’s head forward, then to the right - because the crucifix is not at the alter, but to the far right of it. (so no longer can I whisper, “Face forward, eyes on Christ!”)

and the middle school youth group, and basicly all the R.E., which I was at first excited about is all fluff because we apparently don’t want to offend anyone by being too Catholic. Gee Catholic church, catholic parish sponsored, catholic youth group - but no it doesn’t make sense for it to be too catholic. Whatever the heck that means.

:whacky: :whistle: :banghead:

**thank you. just needed to vent some. off to contort myself into a pretzel so baby girl can sleep comfortably. I have no idea how such an itty person can take up an entire queen bed, but she does every night. You know those old ladies with the hunched over backs? I know exactly how they ended up that way.:smiley: **


I just posted this in another thread but clearly, you need it as well.:slight_smile:
There are only two parishes left in this entire diocese where hand holding is not the norm. I used to attend both but had to move recently. I am simply amazed at the extent of this practice. I am appalled and saddened that this even has to be a part of my consciousness while I am at Mass. It breaks my heart that in order to worship as I have always done, as I was taught by the sisters to do, I must find a seat far away from everyone else so that I am not accosted by my neighbor to assume a contrived and totally unnecessary posture of “community”. It’s bad enough that the once subtle and respectful Kiss of Peace has now turned into a a mini coffe klatche in the midst of the Mass and the hub-ub surrounding the dismissal of the kids for the Children’s Liturgy includes the Hiel Hitler salute. And just for good fun, today, during the Pentecost Mass, the big projection screens that Catholics apparently need to follow the liturgy blew the computer program out and we were left staring at the Microsoft logo for 10 minutes before the reading of the Gospel. How much worse can it get???
OOPS! Almost forgot - It’s apparently a new rule to announce the names of the people who bring up the gifts, you know, because everyone must be noticed in order to foster the sense of community!


Find a latin mass! None of these carry ons there! The most beautiful mass there is… of course, not trying to start a debate or cause a furor. Just my humble opinion.


That is not that answer for me. I love the NO when done properly. As I said, the Parish I used to attend celebrated a beautiful, reverant, soul stirring Mass. That’s all I ask for. But thanks for the suggestion.:thumbsup:


Yeah, latin mass isn’t an answer for me either.


welcome to what I estimate 80% of American Catholics contend with every week, if you want to change your parish, change your parish. By that I mean, either move to a parish where the priest has at least read the GIRM and RS, or get involved in your current parish. Sounds like RE is the biggest need in your parish, change the kids you will change the parish. We began in our former parish with basic training in genuflexion and reverence with the kids, including weekly drills in Church including 5 minutes of adoration, with catechesis on what we are doing and why). By the end of the first year we had the adults genuflecting for the first time in years.


Hand holding at Mass…,Just fold your hands in prayer with fingers pointed upward to Heaven. This works, no one has tried to yank my hands apart yet.


The only thing I can think of is to pray for the Blessed Mother to reveal the blessings of your new parish.

Once, when I had to attend my parent’s rather liberal parish, I really went in with an attitude. I knew I’d be irritated by lots of practices. The Holy Spirit prompted me to pray beforehand to the Blessed Mother to see this church like she sees it. So, when I walked into the auditorium type Church (it didn’t even look Catholic), I was prepared to be offended. The first thing that struck me was despite the ugliness of the Church, there was a beautiful Baptismal font in the Narthex. I thought, well, that is a nice way to enter the church–to be confronted with the beauty of Baptism.

I was irritated by the showy choir and the choice of music. But, then I noticed the two very earnest young girls (college students) singing. And, I thought, “it’s it nice that those girls take time to praise God when so many college students have drifted away from even attending Mass.”

Then, I was waiting to be irritated by the Priest. But, I was astonished by the priest. He sang the Mass in a beautiful tenor voice with great love and reverence.

I did hold hands with great relunctance. We do this at my own parish–I just abstain. But, the lady next to me was so warm and friendly, I didn’t want to offend her.

Then, I could barely concentrate on the Liturgy. I was adament that I was going to kneel at consecration. At the time, standing was the practice at this parish. And when the moment came, I looked down to the kneeler–and the kind older lady next to me had her foot directly under the foot of the kneeler. So, I stood with the rest of congregation. I didn’t like it, but I noticed that most of the congregation gave a deep bow at the moment of consecration. And, it struck me that most of them were aware of the real presence. I had assumed that most did not ( I grew up at this parish).

When I went to Communion–right before I was to receive, I heard an interior voice saying, “now I want you to kneel.” I was taken off guard and did not genuflect as directed. But, I realized at that point that my focus the whole time had not be directed to pleasing God, but on my own disapproval.

I had been feeling the call to genuflect for a while, but had resisted because I didn’t want to appear “different.” After that time until our Bishop changed the practice to a deep bow, I genuflected before receiving our Lord.

It was a very humbling experience. Of course, I was happy to be at my own parish next week.

What I learned from that Mass was that I was allowing the irritations to distract me from where my focus should be.

And, I never would have seen it (my pride) or any of the good at that parish if I had not asked the Blessed Mother to show me. Also, pray to discern if this is the parish your Father wants you at. It may be that you will return to your former parish, but He may have gifts for you at the new parish.


leonie has stated the crucial point here, and I could not put it better, we must be sure our reactions to what we experience at any parish during Mass is not an offense to our own sensibilities, personal preference, or even spiritual pride. We must above all not allow anything to detract from our own reverence and full participation mental and bodily in the Mass.

Every Mass no matter how bad the music, dull the preaching or irritating the activities of the congregation, has a Word for us, is participation in the salvific action of Christ, and communion with Christ present IN HIS BODY on Earth–The Church. And all those folks who are buggin’ us ARE the Church. If we focus on listening for that Word we will never be disappointed, and if we need a target for our anger, make the bullseye on that target our own lack of charity, our own lack of reverence, our own spiritual pride.


No, but we talk about you after Mass.:smiley:


Our Parish has the “hand holding” but it is not enforced and I have never had anyone tap me or reach to me to hold their hands… I do like to hold my husbands hand and kids hands during the our father but I don’t want to hold a strangers… when I go to daily mass alone… I lift my hands up so that people can see I don’t plan to hold hands with them… I don’t have a problem with it but if someone nudged me to hold their hand I would say “no thank you” and if they don’t like it… oh, well!

Also, we are supposed to bow or genuflect before taking the blessed sacrament but I don’t see many people doing that… it is sad… so little respect for the blessed sacrament and people leaving right after taking the blessed sacrament… rushing to the parking lot so they can leave “first” I’ll never understand that… we can’t give this one hour a week to the Lord? How sad:(

We also have started the children’s liturgy at our parish within the past 3 months but thankfully it is totally optional and I have never had anyone ask my kids to come and if they did I would say “thanks for the invite but no thanks just the same” I see that very few kids are going and I don’t think it will last and the parents who are “trying” this will give up… when less than 10 kids are leaving and the rest of the parents say “no thank you” I think they get the idea… our Priest wasn’t really thrilled about it but he allowed these mom’s to try it but he would not endorse it… I love him for that!!!



A few things…
It’s either go to this parish with my dh or go to another without him. I’m sure the reason he likes this one is probably because it doesn’t feel too Catholic.:cool: (my dh is not catholic)

I’m aware of the true purpose of the Mass and try not to gripe just to gripe.

Lastly, I ignore a great deal for my own sake.
However, I have 8 children in the pew and teaching them the proper way of things is far more important to me than not offending my neighbor.

Getting past the gatekeepers do to anything at this parish’s RE would take Hercules with a crowbar.

**We’ll just have to be the loners.:shrug: **



DH is a new Catholic, with lousy RCIA, so he relies on me to show him the right way to do things:eek:
He said the other day, “You never do what everyone else does” By that I don’t let my post-Holy Communion age dd go to children’s liturgy, but my younger dd does. We don’t eat meat on Fridays, we go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day unless we are ill. Also I try to get my children to face the front, and go to the loo not during the consecration. Other than that we are hardly radical, and a long way from where we should be, sigh. Yet I struggle with feeling “too catholic” in my parish, whereas my heart tells me I should show more reverence than I do.


DH and I attended and recieved Confirmation at a very liberal parish. I liked it for the same reason your DH likes this one . . . it wasn’t “too Catholic”. It may be a hardship for you as you are teaching your children the faith, but perhaps this parish is God’s way of bringing your DH to the church. (Our liberal parish was His way of getting me!) Pray for his conversion and that once he converts you can find a more conservative parish! (That happened to us too - and I love it!) :slight_smile:

I’m praying for you . . . Mass with kids is tough enough without having to tell them to do something different from everyone else!



My dh isn’t Catholic either. You are right. Your children’s father going to Mass is more important than any of the other stuff. Statistically, less than 20% of children still practice as adults in households where only the mother practices the Faith.

It’s normal to mourn the loss of a parish home, esp one in which you were happy.


I’d have to say that it is pretty awesome that your husband feels comfortable at this new parish. Do you think there is any chance he might get drawn into becoming a Catholic?


well yes, all things possible through God and all that, but otherwise - no;)

**He has never had a problem going to mass with us to begin with, he just likes the not-obviously-Catholic-ness of this particuliar church.:cool: **


Just thinking maybe if he is comfortable, maybe all that IS Catholic will be received a little better since he will be less on guard. I know when I finally decided to convert, it was when I went to a Catholic church where I could attend Mass in the hall instead of the church, and it wasn’t so intimidating to my Baptist sensibilities. That was 6 years ago, and I am now more comfortable in a more traditional Catholic church environment than one like the feel-good Protestant one that you are describing. Maybe there can be a benefit to meeting your husband half-way.

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